Help MY STORY also. Have to get this out. Nowhere else to turn.

[JustVisiting]

Greetings. I am so glad I found this community. This is my story - it's a bit long.

I have a Brain Tumor that is wrapped around my brain stem. Deemed TERMINAL. No surgeon will remove - I've seen them all! It will kill me. WHEN is the question. Could be months - could be years. Monthly scans to watch growth. My vision and short term memory are already affected. I'm in extreme/often excruciating pain from the pressure 24/7. Have gone through the standard cancer treatment protocol that left me so immunocompromised to germs, that I just spent 6 weeks on life support fighting Septic Shock. Still alive!

But I am suffering. I am now suicidal every moment of each day. The pain and additional symptoms is so f'ing difficult to manage. It's overwhelming. I just need to end this pain and leave on my own terms; not spending my last weeks/months in hospice. Pain meds don't work for me. And due to the opioid crisis, the good hard drugs aren't handed out freely anymore. What are the odds?!?! I have to laugh at the irony ...

Interestingly enough though I am a full time single mother. I have been fighting so hard to survive so as not to leave my child an orphan; as I myself am an orphan. My child is the LOVE of my life. If I check out; it will fu*k my child up FOREVER. Biggest conundrum of my life!

Since birth though I've known I never belonged on this planet. Just a visitor. An empathic star seed that has had suicidal ideation as long as I can remember. Then survived a childhood and young adult life filled with horrifying trauma. I stayed brave, and marched on while coping with Complex PTSD and living society's version of a "normal" life.

Suicide is a choice. It has always been an option. Knowing I have this option empowers me. Now it's just a matter of 'when' with a race against a brain tumor and the complex conflict of love for my child.

How in the world can I leave her like that? I am utterly terrified by this entire situation. What do I do? This is the ONLY place I have shared my story. Will anyone even read this?

 

[Soulless_Angel]

where in the world are you can I ask?

I am so sorry to read of the situation you are in, whatever your path, it sounds like you are just playing a waiting game which is nothing short of torture. During this time, can you not sit with your child (How old are they can I ask?) spend time making memories, a memory book, a life story almost, Create video's, so she has a record of your voice. take each day and spend as much time as you can with her, talk to her (depending on her age) about death, bring in your beliefs, (if you have any)
Prepare your child, without fully telling her, again this all depends on her age.

Bar this there are no words, suicide is only a path you can choose no one else, only you can decide what is right for you,

Either way, sending you warm hugs in this dark time

 

[JustVisiting]

Thank you

Yes, it is a tortuous waiting game. One that cannot be won. She's already a teenager, so my actions would destroy her.

 

[Asta]

@JustVisiting - So very sorry for what you're going through and for all that's happened in the past! Are you in a state or country that has passed the "Death with Dignity" act? If you've heard of Brittany Maynard, she had a similar condition and traveled to Oregon to exit. Do you have any family that can care for your child? I really hope so. We're here for you!

 

[JustVisiting]

Yes, I am familiar with Brittany and am a huge proponent of the act. I am in the US, but not in an assisted suicide state. I could of course move to one of these states, but my daughter would still feel, and in essence be abandoned. It's always just been the two of us. I've tried talking with her about it. She can't let me go yet. I can't imagine destroying her, yet I'm hanging by a thread.

 

[Azzy69]

Wow so sorry. Sending love and strength your way

 

[voyager]

Life can indeed be quite wicked at times and I'm sorry fate has been so cruel to you both. At least you seem to have somewhat come to terms with it. As for your daughter, she probably needs some more time and might come round when she can't see you suffer anymore. How much time you can give her though is ultimately down to what you can take and only you should be the judge of that. She's probably struggling with the finality and hopelessness of the situation. Most people would and in particular young people will. All you can really do is prepare her and assure her that you would've never left her on your own accord. The time you can give her now will comfort her for the rest of her life. It is indeed a terrible dilemma, not least in regards to your own situation. If it's any sort of comfort to you, know that she will understand eventually.

 

[chris8000]

Yes, I am familiar with Brittany and am a huge proponent of the act. I am in the US, but not in an assisted suicide state. I could of course move to one of these states, but my daughter would still feel, and in essence be abandoned. It's always just been the two of us. I've tried talking with her about it. She can't let me go yet. I can't imagine destroying her, yet I'm hanging by a thread. ❤

I can relate to your story because I have been in chronic pain for 5 years and it is difficult as hell. I have failed conventional treatments again and again, and it has got worse. It is immensely frustrating to see the very nice life I have built for myself fall apart because of this problem.

If they (the medical doctors) have abandoned you and you aren't trying more therapies, there is the reishi mushroom. I have heard of people taking 20 grams a day of this for a while to ramp up the patient's immune system to kill cancer cells. There is this scientist Paul Stamets who is known as the mushroom guy in the States, who talks a lot about the immune boosting activities of medicinal mushrooms, I like him.

There are a number of papers about this kind of thing, but no one has put in the money to do large scale clinical trials in humans. So my words should be treated as conjecture, but the Asian traditional medicine doctors who use this stuff say it can work well for some people.

DOI: 10.1177/1534735418762537

 

[Jean4]

May I suggest you contact Compassion and Choices. They can help advise you.


https://compassionandchoices.org/survey/tell-congress-support-aid-in-dying-ea/?sourceid=1011255

 

[Sensei]

I'm sorry that you've ended up in this situation. Normally, I'd say that you must go on fighting for your child's sake, but this is an extreme situation. You have fought your whole life and deserve to rest. You will face pain and deterioration no one should have to go through. Your child is probably old enough to understand, although it of course will be painful for her. I'm not saying that ending it prematurely is the only option or even the best one, only that it's a justifiable option and that no one would blame you if you went through with it, except your daughter and probably only in the short run. The central question here is, can your daughter understand how painful this is for you? If not, I think it's very important to make sure that she does if you want to end it on your own terms.

 

[Anathema]

I have no words for the situation you're in. I wouldn't know what to do. I would try to find a surgeon willing to give it a chance... but you've already said you tried to do that. I would assume since your daughter is a teenager she can understand the complexity of the situation.
You said you're in pain. I wouldn't want to see my mother in pain if there's no hope of recovery.

 

[purplemoon]

Greetings. I am so glad I found this community. This is my story - it's a bit long.

I have a Brain Tumor that is wrapped around my brain stem. Deemed TERMINAL. No surgeon will remove - I've seen them all! It will kill me. WHEN is the question. Could be months - could be years. Monthly scans to watch growth. My vision and short term memory are already affected. I'm in extreme/often excruciating pain from the pressure 24/7. Have gone through the standard cancer treatment protocol that left me so immunocompromised to germs, that I just spent 6 weeks on life support fighting Septic Shock. Still alive!

But I am suffering. I am now suicidal every moment of each day. The pain and additional symptoms is so f'ing difficult to manage. It's overwhelming. I just need to end this pain and leave on my own terms; not spending my last weeks/months in hospice. Pain meds don't work for me. And due to the opioid crisis, the good hard drugs aren't handed out freely anymore. What are the odds?!?! I have to laugh at the irony ...

Interestingly enough though I am a full time single mother. I have been fighting so hard to survive so as not to leave my child an orphan; as I myself am an orphan. My child is the LOVE of my life. If I check out; it will fu*k my child up FOREVER. Biggest conundrum of my life!

Since birth though I've known I never belonged on this planet. Just a visitor. An empathic star seed that has had suicidal ideation as long as I can remember. Then survived a childhood and young adult life filled with horrifying trauma. I stayed brave, and marched on while coping with Complex PTSD and living society's version of a "normal" life.

Suicide is a choice. It has always been an option. Knowing I have this option empowers me. Now it's just a matter of 'when' with a race against a brain tumor and the complex conflict of love for my child.

How in the world can I leave her like that? I am utterly terrified by this entire situation. What do I do? This is the ONLY place I have shared my story. Will anyone even read this?

You sound like an amazing, beautiful soul...
an empathic star... as you wrote so eloquently.

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you since you said you are a single mother, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if writing a letter / making a video like soulless angel mentioned and saving it somewhere for your child might help them come to terms and find peace whenever your final day comes? I really sympathize and hope there is someway for you and your child to where you can stay on this earth to help her.

Either way, i'm sending a prayer your way for any extra strength you may need.

Hugs

You can pm me if you ever need an extra friend; i have severe PTSD too. i know what it's like and how hard it can be to wear a smile to survive.

 

[Final Escape]

Your story made me cry, even though I have a different set of circumstances I relate with a lot of the stuff u said. Is your child old enough to explain the situation to? Sorry u have to go through something so terrible and scary. Where's that big black guy from the movie: the green mile when u need him? I'm sorry I'm not trying to be funny but it's just not right that there is no cure for this or a wide array of diseases and disorders that probably should have cures.

 

[realjunes]

JustVisiting,
I am so glad you found this community too. I don't think you could be in a better environment of support and love and, with members who, one way or another, can feel your pain.
As I was reading your story I was thinking I don't know what to say to this new member, this is too difficult for words, there are no words available to me to be of any help or aid. But fortunately, and as always, I got a break because so many fine loving members with a wealth of wisdom and experience posted before me, and they knew the words to say, to express how we feel about you, your daughter, and your life issues.
So as the start, I welcome you, and by proxy, your daughter to our little community of care.
Since you mention it, it is clear to me, in the way you express what you feel, that you are n Empath, one of the splendid people in the world. Being an empath is what makes you extremely sensitive to your daughter's current well-being and what you perceive her future may be. At the same time, this causes enormous stress and strain on you, complicated many fold by a terminal condition.
I don't at all know your circumstances, but IF you are able to move to state that has the dying with dignity laws, as others mention, you already have a terminal diagnosis and could get more quickly enrolled in the process. You rightly say your daughter is going to have a difficult time no matter, but I wonder if being in place where death IS treated with dignity and in a place where there are compassionate care groups, maybe you and your daughter will find people who can make your struggle a bit less, and help you prepare your daughter for what is going to happen to you. Maybe such compassion and reality coming together would provide your daughter with a lesson in humanity, that will bolster her in the years ahead.
But even if you don't move, perhaps when talking with your daughter you can acquaint her with pro-choice ideals, and she can learn from you about dignity in life and death. I would say the mere fact you join us, and the way you tell your story plainly without equivocation, that your daughter is learning positive lessons from you already.
You wondered if anyone would even read your story, I think that notion can clearly be set aside. You have been through horrific things in your life, and it is so unfair you have to face this now as a single mom. But this is a totally empathic place, as you will easily detect, and we open to you and your daughter our hearts and arms and will be here for you both through thick and then. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

 

[RealLostSoul]

Dawgg that's sad. Fate fucks up some people. I am very sorry for you. If you want to keep living for your daughter, I would keep trying for a surgery (i know the brainstem is the most crucial area but why exactly is it inoperable?)
Otherwise, hold ya head up and stay strong

 

[JustVisiting]

Wow so sorry. Sending love and strength your way

Thank you

I can relate to your story because I have been in chronic pain for 5 years and it is difficult as hell. I have failed conventional treatments again and again, and it has got worse. It is immensely frustrating to see the very nice life I have built for myself fall apart because of this problem.

If they (the medical doctors) have abandoned you and you aren't trying more therapies, there is the reishi mushroom. I have heard of people taking 20 grams a day of this for a while to ramp up the patient's immune system to kill cancer cells. There is this scientist Paul Stamets who is known as the mushroom guy in the States, who talks a lot about the immune boosting activities of medicinal mushrooms, I like him.

There are a number of papers about this kind of thing, but no one has put in the money to do large scale clinical trials in humans. So my words should be treated as conjecture, but the Asian traditional medicine doctors who use this stuff say it can work well for some people.

DOI: 10.1177/1534735418762537

Thank you! I will definitely check into it. I'm so sorry you're in chronic pain. I completely get it! I'm almost to my 5 year mark of pain with a plethora of symptoms. I was misdiagnosed with one chronic/autoimmune disease after another until they finally looked at my brain. It took all my savings, etc. I have zero faith in the greed of Big Pharma.

Life can indeed be quite wicked at times and I'm sorry fate has been so cruel to you both. At least you seem to have somewhat come to terms with it. As for your daughter, she probably needs some more time and might come round when she can't see you suffer anymore. How much time you can give her though is ultimately down to what you can take and only you should be the judge of that. She's probably struggling with the finality and hopelessness of the situation. Most people would and in particular young people will. All you can really do is prepare her and assure her that you would've never left her on your own accord. The time you can give her now will comfort her for the rest of her life. It is indeed a terrible dilemma, not least in regards to your own situation. If it's any sort of comfort to you, know that she will understand eventually.

Thank you for your kind words.

Wow so sorry. Sending love and strength your way

Thank you

May I suggest you contact Compassion and Choices. They can help advise you.


https://compassionandchoices.org/survey/tell-congress-support-aid-in-dying-ea/?sourceid=1011255

Yes, I will do so.

I'm sorry that you've ended up in this situation. Normally, I'd say that you must go on fighting for your child's sake, but this is an extreme situation. You have fought your whole life and deserve to rest. You will face pain and deterioration no one should have to go through. Your child is probably old enough to understand, although it of course will be painful for her. I'm not saying that ending it prematurely is the only option or even the best one, only that it's a justifiable option and that no one would blame you if you went through with it, except your daughter and probably only in the short run. The central question here is, can your daughter understand how painful this is for you? If not, I think it's very important to make sure that she does if you want to end it on your own terms.

Thank you for such a rational reply. I also feel this action is justifiable. I ordered SN 3 days ago just so that I'd have it. She definitely doesn't understand the pain I am in. How could she? It's gotten to where it's difficult to speak to her about it because she's so scared. And given that this is such a taboo topic, we can't go to family therapy. I have thought about disappearing somewhere to take my life and never be found. Yet that leaves me feeling like an inadequate parent.

You sound like an amazing, beautiful soul...
an empathic star... as you wrote so eloquently.

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you since you said you are a single mother, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if writing a letter / making a video like soulless angel mentioned and saving it somewhere for your child might help them come to terms and find peace whenever your final day comes? I really sympathize and hope there is someway for you and your child to where you can stay on this earth to help her.

Either way, i'm sending a prayer your way for any extra strength you may need.

Hugs
View attachment 21963View attachment 21964View attachment 21965View attachment 21966View attachment 21968
You can pm me if you ever need an extra friend; i have severe PTSD too. i know what it's like and how hard it can be to wear a smile to survive.

Yes, I am an empath. I would love to reach out via PM. Thank you.

Your story made me cry, even though I have a different set of circumstances I relate with a lot of the stuff u said. Is your child old enough to explain the situation to? Sorry u have to go through something so terrible and scary. Where's that big black guy from the movie: the green mile when u need him? I'm sorry I'm not trying to be funny but it's just not right that there is no cure for this or a wide array of diseases and disorders that probably should have cures.

HA! Yes, WHERE IS HE? You will never offend me with humor, I see it in everything! I am 35, my daughter is a teenager now. Big Pharma makes too much $$ to actually cure anything or make the cures available. I can also listen if you ever need an ear. I do not believe I have bigger problems than anyone else. It is all relative.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Greetings. I am so glad I found this community. This is my story - it's a bit long.

I have a Brain Tumor that is wrapped around my brain stem. Deemed TERMINAL. No surgeon will remove - I've seen them all! It will kill me. WHEN is the question. Could be months - could be years. Monthly scans to watch growth. My vision and short term memory are already affected. I'm in extreme/often excruciating pain from the pressure 24/7. Have gone through the standard cancer treatment protocol that left me so immunocompromised to germs, that I just spent 6 weeks on life support fighting Septic Shock. Still alive!

But I am suffering. I am now suicidal every moment of each day. The pain and additional symptoms is so f'ing difficult to manage. It's overwhelming. I just need to end this pain and leave on my own terms; not spending my last weeks/months in hospice. Pain meds don't work for me. And due to the opioid crisis, the good hard drugs aren't handed out freely anymore. What are the odds?!?! I have to laugh at the irony ...

Interestingly enough though I am a full time single mother. I have been fighting so hard to survive so as not to leave my child an orphan; as I myself am an orphan. My child is the LOVE of my life. If I check out; it will fu*k my child up FOREVER. Biggest conundrum of my life!

Since birth though I've known I never belonged on this planet. Just a visitor. An empathic star seed that has had suicidal ideation as long as I can remember. Then survived a childhood and young adult life filled with horrifying trauma. I stayed brave, and marched on while coping with Complex PTSD and living society's version of a "normal" life.

Suicide is a choice. It has always been an option. Knowing I have this option empowers me. Now it's just a matter of 'when' with a race against a brain tumor and the complex conflict of love for my child.

How in the world can I leave her like that? I am utterly terrified by this entire situation. What do I do? This is the ONLY place I have shared my story. Will anyone even read this?

I can't believe you of all people with a fucking BRAIN TUMOR can't get the pain meds you need. What a fucking cruel joke they are. FFS!!!

 

[JustVisiting]

JustVisiting,
I am so glad you found this community too. I don't think you could be in a better environment of support and love and, with members who, one way or another, can feel your pain.
As I was reading your story I was thinking I don't know what to say to this new member, this is too difficult for words, there are no words available to me to be of any help or aid. But fortunately, and as always, I got a break because so many fine loving members with a wealth of wisdom and experience posted before me, and they knew the words to say, to express how we feel about you, your daughter, and your life issues.
So as the start, I welcome you, and by proxy, your daughter to our little community of care.
Since you mention it, it is clear to me, in the way you express what you feel, that you are n Empath, one of the splendid people in the world. Being an empath is what makes you extremely sensitive to your daughter's current well-being and what you perceive her future may be. At the same time, this causes enormous stress and strain on you, complicated many fold by a terminal condition.
I don't at all know your circumstances, but IF you are able to move to state that has the dying with dignity laws, as others mention, you already have a terminal diagnosis and could get more quickly enrolled in the process. You rightly say your daughter is going to have a difficult time no matter, but I wonder if being in place where death IS treated with dignity and in a place where there are compassionate care groups, maybe you and your daughter will find people who can make your struggle a bit less, and help you prepare your daughter for what is going to happen to you. Maybe such compassion and reality coming together would provide your daughter with a lesson in humanity, that will bolster her in the years ahead.
But even if you don't move, perhaps when talking with your daughter you can acquaint her with pro-choice ideals, and she can learn from you about dignity in life and death. I would say the mere fact you join us, and the way you tell your story plainly without equivocation, that your daughter is learning positive lessons from you already.
You wondered if anyone would even read your story, I think that notion can clearly be set aside. You have been through horrific things in your life, and it is so unfair you have to face this now as a single mom. But this is a totally empathic place, as you will easily detect, and we open to you and your daughter our hearts and arms and will be here for you both through thick and then. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Thank you for such a kind and beautiful reply. Takes an Empath to know an Empath. I will definitely give more thought to all that you said. So nice to have a safe space online to come to. I've searched for years!

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

Thank you

Yes, it is a tortuous waiting game. One that cannot be won. She's already a teenager, so my actions would destroy her.

This is one of my biggest struggles. I adopted my niece and nephew (my wife's sister's kids) several years ago. I feel like I should do this while they are younger so they forget. Idk the answer.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Thank you

Yes, it is a tortuous waiting game. One that cannot be won. She's already a teenager, so my actions would destroy her.

This isn't your fault you didn't ask for a brain tumor remember that.

 

[JustVisiting]

Dawgg that's sad. Fate fucks up some people. I am very sorry for you. If you want to keep living for your daughter, I would keep trying for a surgery (i know the brainstem is the most crucial area but why exactly is it inoperable?)
Otherwise, hold ya head up and stay strong

The surgery in itself would most likely kill me or make me a vegetable; as most of our body's basic motor functions are controlled in the brain stem. I'll keep my head up. Thank you

I can't believe you of all people with a fucking BRAIN TUMOR can't get the pain meds you need. What a fucking cruel joke they are. FFS!!!

Crazy, right? All thanks to the opioid epidemic.

This is one of my biggest struggles. I adopted my niece and nephew (my wife's sister's kids) several years ago. I feel like I should do this while they are younger so they forget. Idk the answer.

Yes, the choice to do this is NOT easy. The damage I do believe, would not be as hard on my child if she were still a little one.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

If you could find a friend or family to take your daughter in, it might help.

Sending you hugs. Hope you can arrive at the best solution to the challenge you face..

 

[JustVisiting]

If you could find a friend or family to take your daughter in, it might help.

Sending you hugs. Hope you can arrive at the best solution to the challenge you face..

Thank you

This isn't your fault you didn't ask for a brain tumor remember that.

TRUTH!

 

[LMLN]

So sorry for your challenges and your brain tumor. I hope you can find the peace you deserve. ❤❤❤

 

[BlueWidow]

Your story leaves me heartbroken and angry at the unfairness of it all. I can't imagine how you're continuing to go on, except that your love for your child is pushing you forward. I'm so sorry for your struggles and that you have been put in such an impossible situation.
I'm sending strength and love for you and your child.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

I find myself in a similar situation. I have a medical condition that is killing me and its a matter of when and not if. There are no treatments for this condition and every med i was prescribed to ease the symptoms actually made them much worse.

However the difference is My children do not live with me and my youngest is 22.

I can tell you this, i was just a kid when I watched my mother die from cancer. your death is going to be an awful thing your child will have to face 1 way or another. It will not be easy for them, bit they will get through it in time.

At some point It becomes a matter of what is the most fair for both of you. Your child would hate to see you suffer and you will certainly not want to suffer. At some point if this tumor could leave you in a position where you cant make your own choice , that would be a place I would personally not want to be.

My disease has taken everything from me, and even though i qualify for doctor assisted death and live only 1 state away from where it is legal, I am not a candidate for the procedure until I have established residency in that state and have been under the care of a doctor in that state for at least 30 days. ( as it seems you already found out) . People in our condition simply can not pick up and move...

Life is extra hard on some of us, and you sure are an example of that, but you are also a great example of selflessness , compassion, and courage.

 

[Enshadowed]

JustVisiting,
Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. You are so strong for going on this long. I wish I could say I can only imagine what it is like, but I have seen it myself with my mom.

I was thinking about what PDAnnie2610 said. Do you have a friend or relative that you would trust to take care of your daughter? If they know what is going on with your health it could be a good time to approach them and see.

I hope this is ok, but I thought maybe I would add a little as the son of a mother with a brain tumor also wrapped around her stem. My mom was really good at hiding the pain at first, and what was going on really. I did notice when she would wince while we were eating dinner or when she had to grab onto something because her balance was off. I lived close so would go over for dinner a few times a week. My parents didn't want to talk to me about it at first but when it kept getting worse they had no choice. I moved back home for three years to help take care of her. I saw all of the pain, well when she couldn't hide it anymore. I had to go over all of her end of life choices and she would go over everything I needed to do once she passed. You are right, it is hard as heck knowing your mom can go at any moment. But I also saw her pain, saw her quality of life being compromised. While the thought of losing her was hard as hell I also didn't want to see her in pain anymore.

I know I am a lot older than your daughter, but I am guessing she does know what is going to some extent. I don't know if you have talked to her about anything or if that is even an option, but maybe she knows and feels more than she lets on too.

Unfortunately I don't have a concrete answer for you, I really wish I did. I also don't want to hijack your thread. I am truly sorry you and your daughter have to go through this. You are more than welcome to PM me anytime if you want to talk about it or anything. Just wanted to throw that out there since I have gone through it on the other side.

 

[Littleone]

Thank you

Yes, it is a tortuous waiting game. One that cannot be won. She's already a teenager, so my actions would destroy her.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've lost my mother of cancer and it's terrible. This disease has something good though, and it's that it gives you the chance to say good bye to your loved ones.
There is little I can do, but I have thought that maybe you and your daughter would like to watch together the movie "A Monster calls", it could provide the opportunity to talk about how both of you are feeling about your disease.
I wish you the best.

 

[Chronicillness]

I know exactly what that intracranial pressure feels like. I don't have a tumor, but I have a chiari malformation (brain stem compression) that causes me very painful bouts of intracranial hypertension. It also gave me the full spectrum of dysautonomic nervous system dysfunction symptoms. I'm living in hell right now and literally nothing is enjoyable anymore. Chiari is just one of the many pieces of my deterioating health puzzle. I have too much going on.

It's unforgivable that they won't give someone dying and in pain the authority to choose what opioid they want and how much they want of it; it should be a human rights violation to decline a dying patient opioids.

 

[Daffodil]

i think better for her to be aware of your suicide than lose you to a slow and painful death. it's going to hurt either way, and if you take control you might be the one hurting her. but it might ultimately hurt her less than if nature takes its course. i think you could start being transparent about how difficult it is and is going to be. she's going to have to toughen up. there's just no other way. maybe you could watch a documentary together.

i've been thinking more about this and it's going to be traumatizing but i think it's better if you traumatize her to prepare her better for the world. i've appreciated the times when my mother put me through hell if there was no other option and it was in my best interest.