My son made two months today

[karmaisabitch]

It's being two months without my beautiful son!!! I'm still breathing I'm forced to be alive I don't want to exist breathing without my son makes me feel guilty and it hurts. Missing him every second hurts and I found out crying doesn't help. I'm not planning on staying any longer I just can't I have to ctb ASAP. I think I will go with SN.

 

[halleyscomet]

i can't even imagine the pain you're going through right now. i mean i'm barley even an adult man, i could never comprehend losing something so precious as your child.
i don't know your son, but i do know when i die, i wouldn't want my parents to feel that guilt and burden that pain.
and i'm sure he's so proud that you've stayed strong these past few months.

amongst this grief, i do hope that you find some solace, at list a tiny bit of peace no matter what you decide to do. i send you my love <3

 

[grahf]

I'm sorry about your lost, I hope you find peace

 

[TheLastGreySky]

So I've been there, I was depressed when I had kids and it took having them taken from me by my ex in the divorce to realize that I never learned to love myself.

I'm not going to tell you how to feel or how to think, but if you're capable of believing that you can get your mental health straight and be there for your son then maybe you should.

My brother was murdered and seeing his daughters grow up without him is another kind of painful... But I lost a brother. They lost the man who taught them how to walk.

Just food for thought.
I believe anyone can achieve anything they said their mind to but I'm not going to dare condescend and act like it's easy... Changing was the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to do.
I'm thinking of CTB myself just on the opposite side of the spectrum

 

[rozeske]

Am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find ways to help you pull through until you have your peace.

 

[karmaisabitch]

i can't even imagine the pain you're going through right now. i mean i'm barley even an adult man, i could never comprehend losing something so precious as your child.
i don't know your son, but i do know when i die, i wouldn't want my parents to feel that guilt and burden that pain.
and i'm sure he's so proud that you've stayed strong these past few months.

amongst this grief, i do hope that you find some solace, at list a tiny bit of peace no matter what you decide to do. i send you my love <3

Thank you so much I appreciate your supportive words! It's hard to even wakup in the morning so I'm not sure about tomorrow I kind of live one day at a time now

Am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find ways to help you pull through until you have your peace.

Thank you so much

So I've been there, I was depressed when I had kids and it took having them taken from me by my ex in the divorce to realize that I never learned to love myself.

I'm not going to tell you how to feel or how to think, but if you're capable of believing that you can get your mental health straight and be there for your son then maybe you should.

My brother was murdered and seeing his daughters grow up without him is another kind of painful... But I lost a brother. They lost the man who taught them how to walk.

Just food for thought.
I believe anyone can achieve anything they said their mind to but I'm not going to dare condescend and act like it's easy... Changing was the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to do.
I'm thinking of CTB myself just on the opposite side of the spectrum

Thank you so much for sharing and yes it's hard. I never never thought I will be looking for suicide resources my son death changed me forever but I'm not planning on living with this pain it's just impossible

 

[Againstthewind]

My condolences to you and the pain that you are experiencing.

You are grieving, and you have the right to grieve. Anyway you want. You may be in tears quite a lot, and that may be frustrating to keep doing so. But your body is just trying to figure out how to navigate this awful event that has happened in your life.

Through the process of grief myself, grief and loss is probably one of the most traumatic and difficult things to get through. I know you don't want to hear the 'it gets better' or 'live for him' because you are in pain, right? And these words aren't helpful to you. I've had that myself and it is infuriating.

I know that you are looking for a way out, because you believe that this pain is never ending, but do give yourself a little bit of kindness because you and your body are only trying to navigate this journey without a guidebook. The evenings, wondering, the mornings you wake up and feel absolute hopelessness. I understand these emotions and you want to escape your dark room, but this is about you now. It takes time, and I would say to you take one day at a time. Don't look too far back, but also don't look too far into the future.

I want to tell you that, regardless of what others say, you are allowed to grieve your way. If you have to get angry, rage, cry, shout, swear, throw things, any of these things, it's not a bad thing, you literally have the right to go through these emotions.

And don't blame yourself, either, depression is a complex thing, and even if you are getting angry at yourself thinking 'why didn't I see the signs!?' People are good at masking it and even the best detectives cannot find it out. You did your absolute best to bring up that child, the best that you could, but what was going on in their head was something that they were having to fight with on a daily basis, that was their fight.

All the best in whatever journey you take @karmaisabitch

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I'm sorry about your lost, I hope you find peace

Thank you so much

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace.

Thank you!!

My condolences to you and the pain that you are experiencing.

You are grieving, and you have the right to grieve. Anyway you want. You may be in tears quite a lot, and that may be frustrating to keep doing so. But your body is just trying to figure out how to navigate this awful event that has happened in your life.

Through the process of grief myself, grief and loss is probably one of the most traumatic and difficult things to get through. I know you don't want to hear the 'it gets better' or 'live for him' because you are in pain, right? And these words aren't helpful to you. I've had that myself and it is infuriating.

I know that you are looking for a way out, because you believe that this pain is never ending, but do give yourself a little bit of kindness because you and your body are only trying to navigate this journey without a guidebook. The evenings, wondering, the mornings you wake up and feel absolute hopelessness. I understand these emotions and you want to escape your dark room, but this is about you now. It takes time, and I would say to you take one day at a time. Don't look too far back, but also don't look too far into the future.

I want to tell you that, regardless of what others say, you are allowed to grieve your way. If you have to get angry, rage, cry, shout, swear, throw things, any of these things, it's not a bad thing, you literally have the right to go through these emotions.

And don't blame yourself, either, depression is a complex thing, and even if you are getting angry at yourself thinking 'why didn't I see the signs!?' People are good at masking it and even the best detectives cannot find it out. You did your absolute best to bring up that child, the best that you could, but what was going on in their head was something that they were having to fight with on a daily basis, that was their fight.

All the best in whatever journey you take @karmaisabitch

Appreciate you! I'm in a black hole and I feel like I can't breathe. I don't sleep and I keep thinking my son is coming back. I look at the house and it doesn't feel home without him.

 

[Meteora]

May I ask what happened to your son? I m so sorry for your loss..... unimaginable what you must be going through.... .

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish for you as you struggle to cope with each endless, empty day. Whatever decision you make I do wish you well.

 

[karmaisabitch]

May I ask what happened to your son? I m so sorry for your loss..... unimaginable what you must be going through.... .

He died by suicide and the police still investigating because they believe his friend encouraged him and bullied him to death and if I see that friend I'm kill him with my own hands

Every good wish for you as you struggle to cope with each endless, empty day. Whatever decision you make I do wish you well.

Thank you so much!

 

[Six feet down]

He died by suicide and the police still investigating because they believe his friend encouraged him and bullied him to death and if I see that friend I'm kill him with my own hands

I understand you, i would do the same.

Bullied is horrible, i know it from my school time.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I understand you, i would do the same.

Bullied is horrible, i know it from my school time.

Thank you so much for supporting me it means a lot to see someone trying to understand what I'm going through!

 

[iloverachel]

So truly sorry for your loss

 

[karmaisabitch]

So truly sorry for your loss

Thank you so much, my friend!