Help My situation changed and now I'm even more confused

[Moby]

Some new information came to light revealing my life may not actually be ruined and I was completely misinterpreting events/delusional.

Normally this would be good news, but I just feel so strange now.

I was set to CTB pretty soon. I have multiple stashes of Sodium nitrite ready to go at any time.

Now that I'm finding out my situation might not be so bad. I feel really shocked. I can't really trust my own perception of reality anymore.

I don't really know what to do, or how to recover.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Would you like to share the situation, what your impressions were, and what the new information is and its source?

 

[Kumachan]

someone here said that once you start playing with the idea of CTB its hard to stop... Maybe thats the case? I would see if the situation really does improve, however, might be a good idea to keep those stashes of SN, just in case

 

[qwerty32]

Tbh, during my time here looking up methods, it help subside my feelings of ctb. I'm also trying to look to the good of my current situation which isn't so bad now, but some days it gets bad where I think about ctb I just want these thoughts to stop.
For me time is the healing factor and perhaps I think most people need time to allow the situation to digest. I can't speak for everyone since each person's situation is specific to them. But perhaps hopefully there is a spark of hope.

 

[cadh]

its hard to know what to say to you because we dont have any idea of what are you talking about.
english isnt my first language but hopefully you will be able to understand me, but I think that sometimes we have a different view of our reality just because the idea of CTB is kinda comforting - is an option, is always there and is what makes us going through the day: is the only thing that we have control, because our thoughts are ''all over the place"

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Would you like to share the situation, what your impressions were, and what the new information is and its source?

I agree, we would need more explanation.

 

[GiveUp]

Some new information came to light revealing my life may not actually be ruined and I was completely misinterpreting events/delusional.

Normally this would be good news, but I just feel so strange now.

I was set to CTB pretty soon. I have multiple stashes of Sodium nitrite ready to go at any time.

Now that I'm finding out my situation might not be so bad. I feel really shocked. I can't really trust my own perception of reality anymore.

I don't really know what to do, or how to recover.

*hug* calm down, calm down. Don't worry - it's normal that we get tunnel vision when we feel stressed or troubled. It's human. Give yourself some time to absorb it. Don't feel like you made a mistake - how you felt was normal under emotional stress. It happens. Absorb the good news. Don't worry about your perception. Use this as a learning experience.

 

[Moby]

Would you like to share the situation, what your impressions were, and what the new information is and its source?

I misinterpreted a situation and thought that my reputation/career was going to be ruined in the process.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I misinterpreted a situation and thought that my reputation/career was going to be ruined in the process.

Well, it seems like you're not going to share any details, and of course you don't have to, but it's hard for folks to interact so far. If you want to keep it private, and you're working the events out for yourself, then what kinds of responses do you seek in this thread?

 

[Moby]

Well, it seems like you're not going to share any details, and of course you don't have to, but it's hard for folks to interact so far. If you want to keep it private, and you're working the events out for yourself, then what kinds of responses do you seek in this thread?

I guess I'm wondering how to cope with such a drastic shift in perspective.

I was suicidal and attempted a few weeks ago, but now everything is normal and I don't know what to. I feel like I'm suffering brain damage from the attempt and I feel so lost.

 

[dysfunctional]

I guess I'm wondering how to cope with such a drastic shift in perspective.

I was suicidal and attempted a few weeks ago, but now everything is normal and I don't know what to. I feel like I'm suffering brain damage from the attempt and I feel so lost.

Sounds like a massively confusing time. I have come out of a suicidal period before. Maybe just try to let it go? Chill or do something fun and take your mind off it. Easier said than done.
I've already ruined at least 3 careers I've had. It eats at me. That's awesome you still have one!!
The brain damage part sounds terrible. Depression also slows the brain, so maybe its brain fog you have.
Obviously a shocking a confusing time for you. But maybe just prioritize thinking about how you career is still around. You're ok. Let go of the desire to die. Maybe you can get back to normal. Easy for me to say, I know. Best wishes.

 

[Bct]

I kind of understand how strange you must feel because there were times when I was so ready to CTB yet at the last minute that feeling was vanished, though my situation is still the same. Must be really confusing for you because it's a drastic shift.

Perhaps you need a time to process current situation, accepting your confusion so it won't lingers too much if you instead try to repress it. But yeah, it's easier to say than done. In the end, best wishes for you & good luck.