N
NoWayOut015
Caught between black and white
- Jun 11, 2023
- 39
I've told my sister about how I feel, that there's no hope and that I want to give up an sooner or later likely will.
We had a big discussion about purpose, meaning of life, that I didn't use to think like this.
Just basically that she doesn't understand at all how I am feeling
Anyway she basically shamed me for giving up because I always used to be strong. She said it has been better before and it will get better again, I said she can't know that and even if, it's just gonna get worse again.
She said it's always darkest before the dawn and seems to not even hear me when I say it's not like that for everyone, that's not a fact and there's no guarantee. Not everyone is a fucking success story but she wants me to be the success story and fight for it.
She doesn't get that I would fight for it if I thought it was possible or likely but I just don't care about fighting for nothing. And even if I could let this feeling of death is better then life behind me, I would still have to live with being the failure I am. It's not like I would be successful even if I won against my suicidal side. It's so painfully pointless.
We had a big discussion about purpose, meaning of life, that I didn't use to think like this.
Just basically that she doesn't understand at all how I am feeling
Anyway she basically shamed me for giving up because I always used to be strong. She said it has been better before and it will get better again, I said she can't know that and even if, it's just gonna get worse again.
She said it's always darkest before the dawn and seems to not even hear me when I say it's not like that for everyone, that's not a fact and there's no guarantee. Not everyone is a fucking success story but she wants me to be the success story and fight for it.
She doesn't get that I would fight for it if I thought it was possible or likely but I just don't care about fighting for nothing. And even if I could let this feeling of death is better then life behind me, I would still have to live with being the failure I am. It's not like I would be successful even if I won against my suicidal side. It's so painfully pointless.