ConfusedHurting2632
Student
- Dec 22, 2021
- 132
TL;DR- The title says it, really...during my last 2 years of high school (11th and 12th grade, when I was 17 and 18 respectively...I'm 22 now) I basically didn't do shit because my depression and suicidal thoughts were way too severe, and I only passed because of COVID-19 and virtual learning; and because my teachers felt bad for me because of emails I sent to them detailing my depression and suicidal thoughts, so they bumped up my grades so I was able to pass with at least the bare minimum required to pass.
I'm 22 years old, and basically have ZERO life accomplishments...I know that MOST people haven't really done great things at such a young age anyway, but they at least have some smaller personal accomplishments. Like they could say one time they were proud to finally be able to get their driver's license. Or they could say that one time in school they got the highest score out of anyone in their class on a certain quiz or test. Or they could say one time they finally mustered up enough courage to ask out their crush. Or they could say one time they cooked a really nice meal for their family. Or they could say one time they rescued a stray dog or cat.
And I don't even have THOSE small personal accomplishments...like exactly ZERO in 22 years...
And as the title says...technically I didn't even "REALLY" finish high school...
On paper I started kindergarten at age 6 and finished high school/12th grade at age 18...so 13 years total, k-12 education like most people do...
My grades were never too great, but from kindergarten (age 6) up to 10th grade (age 16) they were alright overall. Maybe kind of below average, but still good enough to pass relatively comfortably.
However, in 11th grade (age 17) my depression and suicidal thoughts suddenly got MUCH worse compared to usual, A LOT worse compared to even my standards...and I basically just couldn't manage school. And 12th grade (age 18) was just as bad, if not worse.
REALLY the only reasons I still "passed" were my teachers felt bad for me, and also COVID-19 helped (as much as I hate to say it) because then I didn't have to physically go to school anymore, so that certainly made things A LOT easier as well.
By "my teachers felt bad for me" I'm referring to both my physical state where I looked physically quite disheveled and constantly had a very troubled looking facial expression, but I also sent emails to all of my teachers at the time basically just talking about how depressed and suicidal I was. Kind of throwing a pity-party or guilt tripping them, I guess you could say. Talking like "I really wanna learn but I'm feeling really depressed and suicidal and I'm really struggling, and I don't currently have a therapist or anything so I'm completely at a loss at the moment." And while everything I said in the emails WAS true, teachers are not therapists so I'm not sure it was "right" or "professional" to send all those emails about mental health to them...
So my teachers basically bumped up my scores on assignments and gave me extra credit work to do where "there were no wrong answers or a grading rubric." Basically just an excuse to bump up my scores so I don't fail all my classes. So I could get my grades up to AT LEAST a 60% D in each and every class, which is the minimum grade you can get without failing. So not bumping up my grade so high that it becomes extremely suspicious, but just high enough so I at least pass, am not held back, and am still able to graduate and get my high school diploma...
But I basically "dropped out" of school at age 17, 11th grade...age 16, 10th grade was the last year my grades were decent enough to pass the grade "naturally" without having the grades having to be "tinkered with" just so I can even pass in the first place...so basically I did k-10 education, but NOT actual k-12 education. I basically didn't do shit in the last 2 years, 11th and 12th grade.
That's how truly pathetic I am, and how truly pathetic my life is...I should probably end this here...
And for the record, I have ZERO desire to EVER go to college or get a job...I just don't see the fucking point. I'm not sure I wanna end up homeless and on the streets, or (about equally bad) in a mental institution or jail/prison for the rest of my life, as that seems to kind of suck...but at the same time, I just simply don't see a point to anything in this hell-hole of a world. Every place and everything sucks anyway, so I don't think it makes that much of a difference either way. And being in this world I don't wanna put any effort into anything as it just doesn't seem worth it at all to me, so I refuse to work or study. Working or studying is too much pain and pointlessness to me.
I'm 22 years old, and basically have ZERO life accomplishments...I know that MOST people haven't really done great things at such a young age anyway, but they at least have some smaller personal accomplishments. Like they could say one time they were proud to finally be able to get their driver's license. Or they could say that one time in school they got the highest score out of anyone in their class on a certain quiz or test. Or they could say one time they finally mustered up enough courage to ask out their crush. Or they could say one time they cooked a really nice meal for their family. Or they could say one time they rescued a stray dog or cat.
And I don't even have THOSE small personal accomplishments...like exactly ZERO in 22 years...
And as the title says...technically I didn't even "REALLY" finish high school...
On paper I started kindergarten at age 6 and finished high school/12th grade at age 18...so 13 years total, k-12 education like most people do...
My grades were never too great, but from kindergarten (age 6) up to 10th grade (age 16) they were alright overall. Maybe kind of below average, but still good enough to pass relatively comfortably.
However, in 11th grade (age 17) my depression and suicidal thoughts suddenly got MUCH worse compared to usual, A LOT worse compared to even my standards...and I basically just couldn't manage school. And 12th grade (age 18) was just as bad, if not worse.
REALLY the only reasons I still "passed" were my teachers felt bad for me, and also COVID-19 helped (as much as I hate to say it) because then I didn't have to physically go to school anymore, so that certainly made things A LOT easier as well.
By "my teachers felt bad for me" I'm referring to both my physical state where I looked physically quite disheveled and constantly had a very troubled looking facial expression, but I also sent emails to all of my teachers at the time basically just talking about how depressed and suicidal I was. Kind of throwing a pity-party or guilt tripping them, I guess you could say. Talking like "I really wanna learn but I'm feeling really depressed and suicidal and I'm really struggling, and I don't currently have a therapist or anything so I'm completely at a loss at the moment." And while everything I said in the emails WAS true, teachers are not therapists so I'm not sure it was "right" or "professional" to send all those emails about mental health to them...
So my teachers basically bumped up my scores on assignments and gave me extra credit work to do where "there were no wrong answers or a grading rubric." Basically just an excuse to bump up my scores so I don't fail all my classes. So I could get my grades up to AT LEAST a 60% D in each and every class, which is the minimum grade you can get without failing. So not bumping up my grade so high that it becomes extremely suspicious, but just high enough so I at least pass, am not held back, and am still able to graduate and get my high school diploma...
But I basically "dropped out" of school at age 17, 11th grade...age 16, 10th grade was the last year my grades were decent enough to pass the grade "naturally" without having the grades having to be "tinkered with" just so I can even pass in the first place...so basically I did k-10 education, but NOT actual k-12 education. I basically didn't do shit in the last 2 years, 11th and 12th grade.
That's how truly pathetic I am, and how truly pathetic my life is...I should probably end this here...
And for the record, I have ZERO desire to EVER go to college or get a job...I just don't see the fucking point. I'm not sure I wanna end up homeless and on the streets, or (about equally bad) in a mental institution or jail/prison for the rest of my life, as that seems to kind of suck...but at the same time, I just simply don't see a point to anything in this hell-hole of a world. Every place and everything sucks anyway, so I don't think it makes that much of a difference either way. And being in this world I don't wanna put any effort into anything as it just doesn't seem worth it at all to me, so I refuse to work or study. Working or studying is too much pain and pointlessness to me.
