I've been suffering from depression most on my life because of family issues, I tried to OD when i was 12. A week later when i came home from school my mum had found my note and called her social worker. When i got home after school they were waiting for me my mum crying the social worker took me into another room spoke to me I told the truth. She started to talk about how my choice would effect my family what if it was my little brother or sister that found me what would that do to them. Then said my mum needed me she was trying to recover from alcoholism and someone needed to be there for her i hated it, i hate being alive. But because of what she said i felt guilty. Guilty because of how i felt and what i tried to do. I tried talking to my school guidance teacher because i kept walking out of school, I told him some stuff but the social workers number was the schools contact number. He phoned her then came back looking pissed off and told me to go back to class i was licked out of school the following week.
Guilt because of what i wanted and what I was/am feeling forced me to live, I isolated myself. I tried groups, collage but I never fit in, even with my family leading to more isolation and almost a total loss off contact with people in general. I've exhausted everything i had ever had a remote interest in, truth I've forced myself to live because of guilt. I keep looking trying different things because something might change that i might want to live have a real reason. I've never found it I came close but I can be a bit awkward (I'm not really comfortable with people at the start and very weary) can mess things up. Or i find myself getting used the thing that makes my all the more weary of peoples and their motives.
I've always known what i want and all the choices I made was to stop me from CTB. Because I don't want to hurt anyone.
Guilt because of what i wanted and what I was/am feeling forced me to live, I isolated myself. I tried groups, collage but I never fit in, even with my family leading to more isolation and almost a total loss off contact with people in general. I've exhausted everything i had ever had a remote interest in, truth I've forced myself to live because of guilt. I keep looking trying different things because something might change that i might want to live have a real reason. I've never found it I came close but I can be a bit awkward (I'm not really comfortable with people at the start and very weary) can mess things up. Or i find myself getting used the thing that makes my all the more weary of peoples and their motives.
I've always known what i want and all the choices I made was to stop me from CTB. Because I don't want to hurt anyone.
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