Venting My relationships is a constant loop

[LesbianCarpetPython]

I want to have a good friend that I can chat to everyday and laugh a good time with but I've always found my relationships have a common trend. It always goes, I find a new friend, find out we have lots of things in common, I get really into them, they get uncomfortable, they want to distance themselves from me and I breakdown and take things too far. Anyone else find this happening to them? Because this happened to me at least 3 times and the last one was the messiest yet.

 

[Pluto]

Sometimes it is helpful to have a bit of guidance. For example, I have been told that it is normally best not to discuss issues like trauma or suicidal ideation until a friendship is extremely well-established. Generally, it's all about boundaries and knowing where to draw the line in various ways. People are all very similar in some ways, so if you can find the root of the problem, things should be much smoother in future.

I've had a pattern of pushing people away because of being lonely. People comment that I have a certain urgency or desperation which maybe comes across as a bit creepy or something. So I know to work on that. Even the supportive environment of this community is hugely beneficial in that regard. Hope you can find a similarly constructive pathway forward.

 

[Alayna]

Relate. I have two core friendships, but others wax fast and wane hard. Ppl seem to get interested in me faster than I'm comfortable with, then when I've finally caught up some of the desire to reciprocate intimacy and start getting more emotionally involved they withdraw.

Pluto's on point about becoming too urgent, but it's a trend I can't seem to break despite identifying it. And that's without even going fast into suicidality and self-harm these days.

It's a bad feeling bc it's like the "real me" is the one worthy of rejection. So I also feel fake; that I'm presenting something better than I really am.

I'm really sorry you're suffering in that way and hope you find your friendship. Sometimes it just takes one person to help restore some faith in yourself, and the confidence that brings can become self-sustaining...