my relationship makes me want to ctb but also give me the only reason to be alive

[fleshgarden]

this is going to make me sound like an asshole I think. I love my girlfriend very much and I want to live a future with her but with the nature of me and the nature of her it feels like it is impossible. what I mean by this is she has mental issues that makes her need more, however I am someone who cannot provide "more" when I'm at my lowest also due to my mental issues. my energy and my expression of affection is a lot different than other peoples and I've been trying to tell her that for a year and she won't listen to me.. so every time I am suicidal she ends up getting really mad at me everyday until I'm not suicidal anymore but this makes me even more suicidal and now I'm not even looking forward to anything at all. I just think it's better for me to die now because I've never been enough for anyone or able to do enough for anyone and it would just be better because everytime without fail I swear to god I'm trying my hardest and someone at all is still mad especially my girlfriend. I am trying so hard and no one even notices how I'm pushing myself past what I can do I'm so tired. this makes me areal dick because I know she really needs it but that's why I'm saying I wish I could adjust our relationship to where she understands what I need too and I can't just do this when I want kill myself I just can't. I wish I could but I CANT. I'm so scared of her leaving me but god sometimes I wish she would so I could kill myself without feeling like it'll end up in repercussions. so I can finally believe she doesn't need me anymore and I can just die .. I cannot live here anymore

 

[The Silly Sluggy]

I understand your pain, relationships are a real doozy, if you need someone to chat with, I'm here! ^^ Life is so fucked sometimes, here's to hoping we all find our way out soon

 

[loser098]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but she's probably talking to other dudes by now. Women don't like 'weakness' and you seem to have deficits in your relationship that'll push her toward other people.

Your loved one shouldn't become annoyed when you express yourself. It's probably best that you separate.

 

[fleshgarden]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but she's probably talking to other dudes by now. Women don't like 'weakness' and you seem to have deficits in your relationship that'll push her toward other people.

Your loved one shouldn't become annoyed when you express yourself. It's probably best that you separate.

I know she's not, we spend all of our time together and video call every second. both of us lack I guess stereotypical gender roles in our relationship so I don't think that's true with us, she tends to like that I'm a bit smaller and weaker than the average guy, and she tends to be dominant. she just doesn't like my struggle with expressing things which is understandable but it stresses me out to no end.

 

[loser098]

Ah, you sound just like me a few weeks ago…

I understand, but truthfully you will never know if she does or not with certainty…unless you have access to her phone at all times. That'd be creepy, though.

Being on video call every second hardly means anything. In my experience, I've found that women never talk to just one guy. Never the case.

I had the exact same dynamic. Sure, some women may develop a taste for being dominant, but the biological itch remains: they still want a dude to answer to.

Not trying to dictate your situation to you - that wouldn't be fair - but don't be surprised if someone else enters the picture if they haven't already…especially if she's getting upset with you.

Good luck, man.

 

[fleshgarden]

Ah, you sound just like me a few weeks ago…

I understand, but truthfully you will never know if she does or not with certainty…unless you have access to her phone at all times. That'd be creepy, though.

Being on video call every second hardly means anything. In my experience, I've found that women never talk to just one guy. Never the case.

I had the exact same dynamic. Sure, some women may develop a taste for being dominant, but the biological itch remains: they still want a dude to answer to.

Not trying to dictate your situation to you - that wouldn't be fair - but don't be surprised if someone else enters the picture if they haven't already…especially if she's getting upset with you.

Good luck, man.

I do know this really won't happen, she barely talks to anyone else and she lets me look at her phone and messages "^_^ but thank you

 

[get.some.sleep]

I do know this really won't happen, she barely talks to anyone else and she lets me look at her phone and messages "^_^ but thank you

Ah, you sound just like me a few weeks ago…

I understand, but truthfully you will never know if she does or not with certainty…unless you have access to her phone at all times. That'd be creepy, though.

Being on video call every second hardly means anything. In my experience, I've found that women never talk to just one guy. Never the case.

I had the exact same dynamic. Sure, some women may develop a taste for being dominant, but the biological itch remains: they still want a dude to answer to.

Not trying to dictate your situation to you - that wouldn't be fair - but don't be surprised if someone else enters the picture if they haven't already…especially if she's getting upset with you.

Good luck, man.

I'm really not trying to bash your relationship but what loser098 said is very valid. I lost the love of my life earlier this year and I trusted her so much that the idea of her cheating on me would have been laughable several months ago. After she broke up with me, it became glaringly obvious that she was cheating on me at the end. Even now, with all the evidence I have, it's like my brain can't accept that's what happened. It's hard and I hope we're both wrong but all I'm saying is don't be naive. I wish you the best of luck and hope you're able to salvage your relationship because life sucks a lot more when you're all alone.