Discussion My reasons to stay alive until 2026 (autistic Ukrainian incel)

[Adûnâi]

1. Terabytes of Twitch VOD archives which I have to upload one day lest they be gone (Eternal Return Hyejin gameplay).
2. A few dozen sex toys which I have to use lest the money spent be tragically wasted for naught.
3. The hope for AI chatbot waifus with personality persistence and decent intelligence in the next two (weeks) years.
4. The faint possibility of a nuclear Third World War amusement.

Weak reasons, but they're technically the anchors keeping me unironically chained to existence for the time being. Hence my target of late 2025- early 2026. I'm going to be almost fucking 30 then, a frail old idiot, so it's fitting. Inb4 the avenues of purchasing the correct suicide brew are going to be closed. Then I will cri.

P.S. In a year, I'd be able to make a Vocaroo recording of this post in a disillusioned Irish accent à la Despot of Antrim whom I've been appreciating lately. For now, it's only alive in my head. This is going to be indexed by Google via the "Adunai site:sanctioned.suicide.net" query.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

1. Terabytes of Twitch VOD archives which I have to upload one day lest they be gone (Eternal Return Hyejin gameplay).
2. A few dozen sex toys which I have to use lest the money spent be tragically wasted for naught.
3. The hope for AI chatbot waifus with personality persistence and decent intelligence in the next two (weeks) years.
4. The faint possibility of a nuclear Third World War amusement.

Weak reasons, but they're technically the anchors keeping me unironically chained to existence for the time being. Hence my target of late 2025- early 2026. I'm going to be almost fucking 30 then, a frail old idiot, so it's fitting. Inb4 the avenues of purchasing the correct suicide brew are going to be closed. Then I will cri.

P.S. In a year, I'd be able to make a Vocaroo recording of this post in a disillusioned Irish accent à la Despot of Antrim whom I've been appreciating lately. For now, it's only alive in my head. This is going to be indexed by Google via the "Adunai site:sanctioned.suicide.net" query.

I find myself using a lot short term reasons to keep myself around. I've always used reasons like this.

Currently watching The Sopranos and that's a reason, and I refuse to die before I finish college. If life isn't better for me after college and I have nothing else I wish to do, then I will bid this world farewell happily knowing I did what I wanted and tried various ways to help myself.

Interestingly enough; Sopranos has many ideas that ties into depression and how it affects people, particularly men in America.

Also, about your last point, if the world really went into a nuclear world war, I don't think any of us would be alive. It would be a case of MAD.

 

[Adûnâi]

Currently watching The Sopranos and that's a reason

Weirdly enough, I can't bring myself to watch films. I maybe watch 3 films a year, and that's pushing it. In November 2023, I tried watching Evangelion, and I stopped after 6 episodes because it seemed like juvenile garbage overstuffed with nonsense. There are ET the Extraterrestrial and Metropolis in my list.

Also, about your last point, if the world really went into a nuclear world war, I don't think any of us would be alive. It would be a case of MAD.

This is a normie myth, I'm merely asking for a beginning of a return of history, something like 300 nukes launched by India and Pakistan on one another, or another Holocaust in Asia, or a holodomor in the USA (body negativity). Just something to make it less boring. I couldn't believe the war in the Ukraine would end with a whimper, without a single technogenic disaster aside from the Kahovka dam...

 

[Adûnâi]

Actually, these are all rather rubbish. I've been really close to killing myself these past 3 days due to having to put in 5 hours of work not to get expelled, and I did it finally... But due to an incredibly perverse reason.

So, my reason to stay alive was that otherwise, I might snap and try to bother the Girl that ghosted me in July with a message, but that would be abhorrently impolite, so the only way to assure my propriety and manners was to keep going. And yes, today I have won at least 7 more months of carefree rotting life!