Venting My reasons (A diary entry)

[lonergirl_26]

I don't know what I'm going to do with this. I'll probably keep it in my drafts maybe when I'm back in a depressive episode I may post it I don't know.
Tuesday 18 February 2025.
Death.
I love death. Death is so sacred and peaceful. The final ending. The only thing certain in this world.
I don't know who I am.
Eating disorder. (Or maybe lack of. Relating to the one above) currently stuck in a binge cycle I'm so fat and this is why everyone hates me. *edit. Still stuck in a binge cycle. Gaining so much weight it alone is making me suicidal*
I can't cut as deep as I used to.
Men. No explanation needed.
I don't feel a connection with my animals or people. Not in the way that people do.
I don't have empathy. (I do for people who deserve it not for dumb fuckers who die because of their own stupidity)
I have bad thoughts.
I want to be hurt. (Seriously please come and punch me so hard that I feel something) (Also relates to one above)
I can never love or be loved.
I don't have a future.
Anxiety.
I'm lonely.
I only feel two things. 1- okay 2- not okay (relating to wanting to be hurt. I wish someone would beat me just so I can feel something. I'm tired of hurting myself it doesn't do anything anymore)
I'm not pretty.
Never getting over the girl who I was friends with when I was 12.
The human race has no empathy for each other.

 

[ke9]

The human race has no empathy for each other.

I'm not sure that's quite true. It's that some of us have a ton of empathy, we love but people don't love us back, perhaps in part because we don't love ourselves. Those without empathy generally do better in life, which is the opposite of what society teaches us.