My problems are permanent

[deprezz3124]

I have multiple mental illnesses. One of them is arguably the worst one can deal with. I am an alcoholic and an addict. My mom is dead. My only male role model is dead. I am constantly paranoid and anxious. I am not happy. I haven't been happy in a long time, since I can remember. I have been suffering for long enough. And everything I listed is a permanent problem, these things don't just go away. Sure it can be managed by therapy, medication, support groups, etc.. but there is no realistic way to overcome these things. I don't see a way out. My sister is the only reason I am still around, and every day that matters less and less. Anyways, just wanted to hear what other people had to say about my situation. Also, why do you want to CTB?

 

[SectOfValtiel]

thats how i feel
ive tried therapy, ive tried pills, ive tried love
ive tried anything i was capable of trying, and nothing has changed for the better... every year i seem to get worse
recently diagnosed with a disorder that causes you to have 'intense mental-emotional pain as your baseline mood' and also described as the most painful... even though i hear its relatively easy to treat, it almost requires you to work with a group, and lucky me i have rampant social anxiety as well so
thats probably not getting fixed, either
i dont exactly see another way out, either, and ive wasted all the hope i used to have searching for one all these years

it keeps getting worse and im honestly terrified to see how bad itll have to get before i finally snap and attempt to CTB
because im still at a stage where im not sure ill ever get over the fear of pain that prevents me from even trying
every time i read a goodbye thread... im legitimately jealous haha, i wish i had the guts

i *want* to because my life has been misery for as long as i can remember
i have no friends left, nobody cares about me, nobody remembers me when im gone or misses me
i may as well already be dead so really what would be the difference besides a possible end to suffering?

 

[deprezz3124]

thats how i feel
ive tried therapy, ive tried pills, ive tried love
ive tried anything i was capable of trying, and nothing has changed for the better... every year i seem to get worse
recently diagnosed with a disorder that causes you to have 'intense mental-emotional pain as your baseline mood' and also described as the most painful... even though i hear its relatively easy to treat, it almost requires you to work with a group, and lucky me i have rampant social anxiety as well so
thats probably not getting fixed, either
i dont exactly see another way out, either, and ive wasted all the hope i used to have searching for one all these years

it keeps getting worse and im honestly terrified to see how bad itll have to get before i finally snap and attempt to CTB
because im still at a stage where im not sure ill ever get over the fear of pain that prevents me from even trying
every time i read a goodbye thread... im legitimately jealous haha, i wish i had the guts

i *want* to because my life has been misery for as long as i can remember
i have no friends left, nobody cares about me, nobody remembers me when im gone or misses me
i may as well already be dead so really what would be the difference besides a possible end to suffering?

I feel very similar. Support groups are the "answer" for some of my mental illnesses and addiction/alcoholism but I have terrible social and general anxiety, along with paranoia about people, places and things. So I don't realistically see these things getting better and it is miserable. I wish you peace with your decisions.

 

[SamTam33]

Even if your problems weren't permanent, new ones would pop up as soon as you solved the temporary ones.

That's all life is: a series of continuous problems to solve with a few moments of happiness sprinkled in - if you're lucky.

I want to CTB for so many reasons.

Partly because I don't like the construct of life.

Constantly shoving food into our mouths, then squeezing it out of our asses.

Paying for insurance that you never use and never get reimbursed for.

There was absolutely no thought put into what existence would be like. And it shows. It's not well-designed or delightful at all.

I would love nothing more than to give my life away to someone who appreciates food allergies, oil changes and the IRS.

Let them knock themselves out with this "beautiful gift."

 

[Mofreeko]

It took me a long time to accept that it was my fault people never seemed to like me. I always blamed others for being assholes, but in reality I just don't have the social skills needed to properly interact with people.

 

[aforestfire]

I have multiple mental illnesses. One of them is arguably the worst one can deal with. I am an alcoholic and an addict. My mom is dead. My only male role model is dead. I am constantly paranoid and anxious. I am not happy. I haven't been happy in a long time, since I can remember. I have been suffering for long enough. And everything I listed is a permanent problem, these things don't just go away. Sure it can be managed by therapy, medication, support groups, etc.. but there is no realistic way to overcome these things. I don't see a way out. My sister is the only reason I am still around, and every day that matters less and less. Anyways, just wanted to hear what other people had to say about my situation. Also, why do you want to CTB?

i'm unfixable, i think it's the better way to describe myself. i can't connect with people due to my mental illness, and that's a big deal to me, i hate being alone, which i am, all the time, 24/7. if i can't have a immediate cure for my mental illness and just ""get over"" my traumas (very unrealistic, ik), then i want to be gone.

 

[freedompass]

It took me a long time to accept that it was my fault people never seemed to like me. I always blamed others for being assholes, but in reality I just don't have the social skills needed to properly interact with people.

Just because you don't have good social skills doesn't mean they're not assholes.

But yeah the only one you have the power to change is you so it makes sense to focus on that.

 

[Ultracheese]

It's a similar situation with me. Having co-morbid mental illnesses can be really difficult to manage. I'm sorry that your mom and your only male role model are dead. Grief is often really lonely especially when you don't already have a support system. I'm sorry that you've had to suffer so much.

My reasons to CTB are largely grief related. Last year, I lost my best (and only) friend. He was the only person to accept me for who I was, who didn't think I was stupid and worthless because of my disability, and listened and supported unconditionally. I don't know if you've ever been to grief counseling and what your experience was like if you have, but for me it was utter misery. It was all "You've been grieving for too long" and "You need to move pass this" without any sort of answer as to how to do that. I feel most counselors and the like have good intentions but just treat everyone in a one size fits all formula.

 

[freedompass]

It's a similar situation with me. Having co-morbid mental illnesses can be really difficult to manage. I'm sorry that your mom and your only male role model are dead. Grief is often really lonely especially when you don't already have a support system. I'm sorry that you've had to suffer so much.

My reasons to CTB are largely grief related. Last year, I lost my best (and only) friend. He was the only person to accept me for who I was, who didn't think I was stupid and worthless because of my disability, and listened and supported unconditionally. I don't know if you've ever been to grief counseling and what your experience was like if you have, but for me it was utter misery. It was all "You've been grieving for too long" and "You need to move pass this" without any sort of answer as to how to do that. I feel most counselors and the like have good intentions but just treat everyone in a one size fits all formula.

However good their intentions may be, if they give generic one size fits all advice they are not good counsellors and should probably switch careers.

The effectiveness of a therapeutic or counselling relationship is contingent on a genuine connection and rapport being established with that individual.

And to some extent that is a 2 way street. However the therapist should be the one guiding and setting the pace. Otherwise, frankly, they should be paying you.

Smh if they're trying to tell you it's time to move on. A brief acquaintance with the dr Phil show or True Crime will confirm that grief affects everyone differently.

Sadly, if the grief counselling is free, then they have no choice but to offload you after a certain number of sessions. In which case it behoves them to be honest and not to make you the bad guy because you failed to deliver the desired 'outcome' and tick all the right boxes on their feedback form.

No cynicism here this is the reality of modern mental health 'care'.

 

[Chinaski]

My post history is there for all to see, bleating about me as if I'm leading a mob to persecute you in reply to a post *somebody else* made suggests if there's an obsession, it's not mine.

 

[freedompass]

Just for the record. Online counselling has worked for me. The only drawback is it costs money. I use BetterHelp. Their concessionary rate which anyone can get is £36 per week.

For that you get: a huge choice of licensed therapists/counsellors and the ability to switch at will if not satisfied

One 45 minute live session per week which can be a) by text b) by FaceTime/videocall c) by voice chat. For me FaceTime on my laptop represents the best value option. You want to see them and have them see you

The ability to message back and forth during the week plus write in a journal section which you can then share with the therapist

A big choice of optional online 'group therapy' sessions on various mental health topics

Personally, I passed on the group sessions so can't attest to how effective they are

Paid therapy/counselling of some type is the ONLY way to go for ongoing adequate help/support

And BetterHelp has worked fantastically well for me at a cost that you would search long and hard to find 'in real life' (ie in person). If you did find a therapist for £35 a week you only get the one session per week, no option of groups and no messaging during the week. You have to schlep your weary ass to their office and if you don't click with them that's money down the drain, time wasted and is a big hassle finding a new one.

Now all you gotta do is find a 'spare' £36 a week right?

Sadly this is the reality. If you can't pay then their 'one size' will have to fit you. Sometimes it will sometimes it won't, either way the therapeutic help/support you receive will categorically not be ongoing and indefinite and way more dependent on the luck of the draw.

 

[TAW122]

I feel ya too. I too, have problems that are permanent mental, physical, and also just the general state of decline in the world. I have other reasons too some of which are philosophical and even if quality of life was better for me, I'd still wish to die as I wouldn't want to be around to experience more suffering in the long term. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mom and your male role model. For me, support groups and what not do not help solve the problem and I would prefer solving the problem (permanently) than to manage it or cope with it. I'm beyond tired of just coping and managing, just going to permanently solve all (permanent) problems.

Anyways, I hope you find the peace you are looking for regardless of what you end up choosing to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it tragic how such extreme suffering is even able to exist, it's such a cruel existence and existing really can be torture when there is no real relief from the endless problems that this existence continues to bring and causes people to experience. It sounds really awful what you've been through and it must be so tiring having to deal with all that. Your wish to leave is understandable.

But as for me, the thing that I have a problem with is life itself, so only death could ever be the solution, and it's the only solution that I've ever wished for. The only thing that has ever made sense for me is leaving this world as I see no value and purpose to feeling trapped here where all that lies ahead is inevitable suffering and deterioration. In my case wishing for suicide is the rational response to seeing this existence as not being worth enduring and not wanting to suffer.

There is no point to being tormented by life for decades on end with no limit as to how horrific circumstances can get just to inevitably die anyway. As long as I exist I will always suffer in some form as it's a burden and a curse being aware of this world, and existing is something completely undesirable that I want nothing to do with. The only relief could ever lie in the absence of everything and the inability to experience anything which can only be achieved by leaving this world. I absolutely despise existing in every single way and always will do.

 

[deprezz3124]

I find it tragic how such extreme suffering is even able to exist, it's such a cruel existence and existing really can be torture when there is no real relief from the endless problems that this existence continues to bring and causes people to experience. It sounds really awful what you've been through and it must be so tiring having to deal with all that. Your wish to leave is understandable.

But as for me, the thing that I have a problem with is life itself, so only death could ever be the solution, and it's the only solution that I've ever wished for. The only thing that has ever made sense for me is leaving this world as I see no value and purpose to feeling trapped here where all that lies ahead is inevitable suffering and deterioration. In my case wishing for suicide is the rational response to seeing this existence as not being worth enduring and not wanting to suffer.

There is no point to being tormented by life for decades on end with no limit as to how horrific circumstances can get just to inevitably die anyway. As long as I exist I will always suffer in some form as it's a burden and a curse being aware of this world, and existing is something completely undesirable that I want nothing to do with. The only relief could ever lie in the absence of everything and the inability to experience anything which can only be achieved by leaving this world. I absolutely despise existing in every single way and always will do.

Its such a scary fact that there is no limit to the amount of suffering one can endure. I've tried to tell myself life has given me enough and it would just be absolutely cruel to make me deal with anymore. But I have so much life ahead of me that that thought is just naive.

Eventually I am going to lose the one person I have left. My mental illnesses could get much worse, which I couldn't survive. I could be sober for years just for it all to come crashing down. It's not worth it to even find out.

 

[outrider567]

I have multiple mental illnesses. One of them is arguably the worst one can deal with. I am an alcoholic and an addict. My mom is dead. My only male role model is dead. I am constantly paranoid and anxious. I am not happy. I haven't been happy in a long time, since I can remember. I have been suffering for long enough. And everything I listed is a permanent problem, these things don't just go away. Sure it can be managed by therapy, medication, support groups, etc.. but there is no realistic way to overcome these things. I don't see a way out. My sister is the only reason I am still around, and every day that matters less and less. Anyways, just wanted to hear what other people had to say about my situation. Also, why do you want to CTB?

Loss

 

[godhelpme313]

We need a more philosophically or existentially informed society. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" shows how incapable society is of meeting people's real problems. Life itself, and everything that happens in it, is not overcomeable. But what does change is our perception and meaning of events in our life (Frankl). If society is going to toss around tag lines, they should include it's equally true opposite, that "Suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem". The permanent problem is existence itself.

 

[Tired and Done]

I have multiple mental illnesses. One of them is arguably the worst one can deal with. I am an alcoholic and an addict. My mom is dead. My only male role model is dead. I am constantly paranoid and anxious. I am not happy. I haven't been happy in a long time, since I can remember. I have been suffering for long enough. And everything I listed is a permanent problem, these things don't just go away. Sure it can be managed by therapy, medication, support groups, etc.. but there is no realistic way to overcome these things. I don't see a way out. My sister is the only reason I am still around, and every day that matters less and less. Anyways, just wanted to hear what other people had to say about my situation. Also, why do you want to CTB?

I have the same no way out feeling. Yes, some things can be managed but at the end of the day it will all just come back. Like you, I have one person keeping me here, my mom, and even that hold on me is getting weaker. I cannot stop thinking that this is the only way out. I'm just being pushed too hard for too long. I'm just so damn tired of the struggle.

Loss

And I am also an addict though for me it's food. I have been slowly trying to kill myself by being as unhealthy as I can but it's a long process. I don't take care of my health. I deliberately ignore warning signs of heart issues and stuff but it's taking too damn long. I'm being backed into a corner with everything that needs me to fix it, for me to keep supporting my mum and dealing with her health issues and worrying about that and now the potential of being homeless again because I cannot find something we can afford with the money I make and it's just too damn much. This keeps happening. Over and over. Having to find somewhere new to live. Dealing with everything. And I am not getting younger. I don't have a me to look after me when I get too old. My mum has me. But there is no me for me.

 

[deprezz3124]

I have the same no way out feeling. Yes, some things can be managed but at the end of the day it will all just come back. Like you, I have one person keeping me here, my mom, and even that hold on me is getting weaker. I cannot stop thinking that this is the only way out. I'm just being pushed too hard for too long. I'm just so damn tired of the struggle.

And I am also an addict though for me it's food. I have been slowly trying to kill myself by being as unhealthy as I can but it's a long process. I don't take care of my health. I deliberately ignore warning signs of heart issues and stuff but it's taking too damn long. I'm being backed into a corner with everything that needs me to fix it, for me to keep supporting my mum and dealing with her health issues and worrying about that and now the potential of being homeless again because I cannot find something we can afford with the money I make and it's just too damn much. This keeps happening. Over and over. Having to find somewhere new to live. Dealing with everything. And I am not getting younger. I don't have a me to look after me when I get too old. My mum has me. But there is no me for me.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. I also worry about who will take care of me if I ever make it to that age. I dont see it anywhere in my future to have children and those are the only potential ones. I hope you find some peace.

We need a more philosophically or existentially informed society. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" shows how incapable society is of meeting people's real problems. Life itself, and everything that happens in it, is not overcomeable. But what does change is our perception and meaning of events in our life (Frankl). If society is going to toss around tag lines, they should include it's equally true opposite, that "Suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem". The permanent problem is existence itself.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is exactly what I had in mind when making this post. It's all bullshit. Alot of people have PERMANENT problems.

 

[Dizzylady80]

I also deal with permanent problems, mainly illnesses. It sucks, feels like a monolith. My take is that even if you plan on dying, those things that you mentioned (therapy, meds, support groups, etc) could at least improve your quality of life until then. I'm sorry your dealing with this, addiction is a fucking hard thing to live with I do hope you find some ways of dealing with it that help

 

[Tired and Done]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that. I also worry about who will take care of me if I ever make it to that age. I dont see it anywhere in my future to have children and those are the only potential ones. I hope you find some peace.

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is exactly what I had in mind when making this post. It's all bullshit. Alot of people have PERMANENT problems.

Thank you. I hope peace finds you too. And I agree. I'm looking for a permanent fix because constantly living in this state of fear of it all being taken away just cannot be sustainable. It has to end.

 

[Why Me?]

It took me a long time to accept that it was my fault people never seemed to like me. I always blamed others for being assholes, but in reality I just don't have the social skills needed to properly interact with people.

Same with me...