Dizzy_Dreams
I’m never alone, I’m alone all the time.
- Jun 25, 2020
- 297
So basically my life has been pretty miserable.. Maybe my life wasn't as bad as some have had it. but it wasn't good either.
I was never put in school and never and never allowed to do anything as a kid by myself really.
My parents were my parents but they were not active in my life they had my older siblings pretty much raise me. I was around yelling, fighting, toxic family and everything.
My mom was emotionally and mentally abusive. I have anxiety, depression and a bunch of other issues but I'm also to blame too...
Im now almost 25 with no education, no social skills, I fit in no where, I'm anxious, paranoid, and can't do things for myself without freaking out.. I couldn't imagine trying to live on my own. I moved in with my boyfriend after escaping at age 21 but I'm cripplingly codependent on him and don't like doing anything without him he hates this and thinks I should get over my issues and says I'm too much and that if I don't change or do better I'll end up alone.
I don't want to be gone. I'm terrified of life and death but I don't enjoy anything. I'm also easily angered, have a hard time taking responsibility for myself, life doesn't interest me. I live inside my head and only have things because other have helped me to have them.
My boyfriend is all I've really ever known and the only person I really trust but he is so annoyed with me and wants to have a normal relationship.
He told me today if I can't change and do better he will leave me on my own and that I will be alone my whole life.
I'm easily jealous and easily insecure and not functionable and he thinks I just make excuses.
I want to be gone. I truly don't want to live. I see no point in carrying on or getting any older and in so much physical, mental, and emotional pain everyday. I've given him all I've ever had but he can't be with an unstable person I guess.
I'm scared and paranoid of people. Of everything. I've had my fuck ups in life. I'm terrified of where I go when I die. If there's a hell I think I'm going to go.
My only option is to get N through D I can't get it delivered were I'm staying with my boyfriend so I would and he can't deliver it to a PO Box so I found this thing online where you can get a personal mailbox I'm hoping he can deliver to something like this when I would have to get a motel and have the courage to drink it alone..
I was never put in school and never and never allowed to do anything as a kid by myself really.
My parents were my parents but they were not active in my life they had my older siblings pretty much raise me. I was around yelling, fighting, toxic family and everything.
My mom was emotionally and mentally abusive. I have anxiety, depression and a bunch of other issues but I'm also to blame too...
Im now almost 25 with no education, no social skills, I fit in no where, I'm anxious, paranoid, and can't do things for myself without freaking out.. I couldn't imagine trying to live on my own. I moved in with my boyfriend after escaping at age 21 but I'm cripplingly codependent on him and don't like doing anything without him he hates this and thinks I should get over my issues and says I'm too much and that if I don't change or do better I'll end up alone.
I don't want to be gone. I'm terrified of life and death but I don't enjoy anything. I'm also easily angered, have a hard time taking responsibility for myself, life doesn't interest me. I live inside my head and only have things because other have helped me to have them.
My boyfriend is all I've really ever known and the only person I really trust but he is so annoyed with me and wants to have a normal relationship.
He told me today if I can't change and do better he will leave me on my own and that I will be alone my whole life.
I'm easily jealous and easily insecure and not functionable and he thinks I just make excuses.
I want to be gone. I truly don't want to live. I see no point in carrying on or getting any older and in so much physical, mental, and emotional pain everyday. I've given him all I've ever had but he can't be with an unstable person I guess.
I'm scared and paranoid of people. Of everything. I've had my fuck ups in life. I'm terrified of where I go when I die. If there's a hell I think I'm going to go.
My only option is to get N through D I can't get it delivered were I'm staying with my boyfriend so I would and he can't deliver it to a PO Box so I found this thing online where you can get a personal mailbox I'm hoping he can deliver to something like this when I would have to get a motel and have the courage to drink it alone..
