Onelegman
I use a translator
- May 24, 2024
- 552
Well, there is no turning back, it has been decided and I want to do it, even if it hurts a little I will endure it.
Following the example of other people at SaSu, I would like to share with you my plan.
But not before thanking the SaSu community for everything. Finding a place like this on the Internet, open and without taboos to talk about how bad one feels, about one's most reprehensible desires for a society poisoned to the roots, was a stroke of luck. I have learned many things, I have been able to tell my experience, advise some and say goodbye to others, I even made some friends. It bothers me that I can't offer something equivalent in return, just words don't seem enough to me... so thank you, thank you very much for being here, for responding, for listening and for helping in every way possible. This community is necessary, please do not let it disappear until the world is completely healed.
I'm waiting for the SN to arrive, it's a reliable source so I don't think there will be any problems with the shipping. I already have the rest of the things.
I have rented an Airbnb for the 29th of this month. It has everything you need, a toilet in case I vomit, a bed and a sofa, wifi and air conditioning. I will thoroughly clean glasses and spoons and warn them to do it again or throw everything away to avoid risks.
I have to make up some excuse for my parents, who I live with, when I go out there. I don't want to spend 6 hours in that place without being able to eat or drink, without a computer, just with my cell phone... but I have to do it this way or they will get suspicious. I have made a playlist with more than 6 hours of music to at least keep me happy while I wait.
Backpack:
SN 500g
Metoclopramide 10 mg 3 pills
Lorazepam 1 mg 4 pills
Zolpidem 10mg 2 pills
Anafranil (clomipramine) 25 mg 1 pill
Phone charger
Paper and pen to leave notices to the owners
Mortar and pestle
Weighing machine
Bowl for weighing the SN
Speaker and usb with music
Mp3 and headphones for when I sleep with the SN
I think that's all I need, if anyone can think of anything else that I may have forgotten or that would be useful to keep me entertained or help me with the whole thing, I'd be happy to read it.
I will use the 48h method
Day 1
11:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
19:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
3:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
Day 2
11:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
15:30 - 16:00 h - Last meal.
19:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
2:00h - 1000 mg of paracetamol.
2:15h - 3 X 10 mg Metoclopramide + 25 mg clomipramine under the tongue
2:40h - (Crushed) 4 mg Lorazepam + 20 mg zolpidem
3:00h - 25 g SN drink
Any advice on this?
Being in my room, where I spend most of the day, I don't feel any fear, outside my mind begins to ruminate, but I won't back down. When the time comes I will mix it like someone stirring a medicine that dissolves in water and I will drink it. I will play the mp3 and lie down to wait for the symptoms, nausea, irrational panic... I will hug the pillow and scream to release tension, I will refuse to call an ambulance, because the pain will be temporary, the fear will be temporary, enduring what enough I will achieve my purpose, which has more value than anything else.
There's still until that day, so I guess I'll take advantage of the thread to tell a little about my life later. I would like to be able to use my phone and narrate what I am doing and feeling, but it is very likely that once I ingest benzo and hypnotics my mind will become lazy, but I will try. And since there will be traces of it, I will say it now:
No one has forced me to take this path, no one has coerced or incited me to do so. Those who know me well know my history, this is my wish, mine and onloy mine. I want to end my life, it is mine and I have that right to choose whether to abandon it. I can't stand this world anymore, living with pain and feelings that cause me great regret, and that is why I am leaving. That's all.
Following the example of other people at SaSu, I would like to share with you my plan.
But not before thanking the SaSu community for everything. Finding a place like this on the Internet, open and without taboos to talk about how bad one feels, about one's most reprehensible desires for a society poisoned to the roots, was a stroke of luck. I have learned many things, I have been able to tell my experience, advise some and say goodbye to others, I even made some friends. It bothers me that I can't offer something equivalent in return, just words don't seem enough to me... so thank you, thank you very much for being here, for responding, for listening and for helping in every way possible. This community is necessary, please do not let it disappear until the world is completely healed.
I'm waiting for the SN to arrive, it's a reliable source so I don't think there will be any problems with the shipping. I already have the rest of the things.
I have rented an Airbnb for the 29th of this month. It has everything you need, a toilet in case I vomit, a bed and a sofa, wifi and air conditioning. I will thoroughly clean glasses and spoons and warn them to do it again or throw everything away to avoid risks.
I have to make up some excuse for my parents, who I live with, when I go out there. I don't want to spend 6 hours in that place without being able to eat or drink, without a computer, just with my cell phone... but I have to do it this way or they will get suspicious. I have made a playlist with more than 6 hours of music to at least keep me happy while I wait.
Backpack:
SN 500g
Metoclopramide 10 mg 3 pills
Lorazepam 1 mg 4 pills
Zolpidem 10mg 2 pills
Anafranil (clomipramine) 25 mg 1 pill
Phone charger
Paper and pen to leave notices to the owners
Mortar and pestle
Weighing machine
Bowl for weighing the SN
Speaker and usb with music
Mp3 and headphones for when I sleep with the SN
I think that's all I need, if anyone can think of anything else that I may have forgotten or that would be useful to keep me entertained or help me with the whole thing, I'd be happy to read it.
I will use the 48h method
Day 1
11:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
19:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
3:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
Day 2
11:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
15:30 - 16:00 h - Last meal.
19:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
2:00h - 1000 mg of paracetamol.
2:15h - 3 X 10 mg Metoclopramide + 25 mg clomipramine under the tongue
2:40h - (Crushed) 4 mg Lorazepam + 20 mg zolpidem
3:00h - 25 g SN drink
Any advice on this?
Being in my room, where I spend most of the day, I don't feel any fear, outside my mind begins to ruminate, but I won't back down. When the time comes I will mix it like someone stirring a medicine that dissolves in water and I will drink it. I will play the mp3 and lie down to wait for the symptoms, nausea, irrational panic... I will hug the pillow and scream to release tension, I will refuse to call an ambulance, because the pain will be temporary, the fear will be temporary, enduring what enough I will achieve my purpose, which has more value than anything else.
There's still until that day, so I guess I'll take advantage of the thread to tell a little about my life later. I would like to be able to use my phone and narrate what I am doing and feeling, but it is very likely that once I ingest benzo and hypnotics my mind will become lazy, but I will try. And since there will be traces of it, I will say it now:
No one has forced me to take this path, no one has coerced or incited me to do so. Those who know me well know my history, this is my wish, mine and onloy mine. I want to end my life, it is mine and I have that right to choose whether to abandon it. I can't stand this world anymore, living with pain and feelings that cause me great regret, and that is why I am leaving. That's all.