My plan with SN

[Onelegman]

Well, there is no turning back, it has been decided and I want to do it, even if it hurts a little I will endure it.

Following the example of other people at SaSu, I would like to share with you my plan.

But not before thanking the SaSu community for everything. Finding a place like this on the Internet, open and without taboos to talk about how bad one feels, about one's most reprehensible desires for a society poisoned to the roots, was a stroke of luck. I have learned many things, I have been able to tell my experience, advise some and say goodbye to others, I even made some friends. It bothers me that I can't offer something equivalent in return, just words don't seem enough to me... so thank you, thank you very much for being here, for responding, for listening and for helping in every way possible. This community is necessary, please do not let it disappear until the world is completely healed.

I'm waiting for the SN to arrive, it's a reliable source so I don't think there will be any problems with the shipping. I already have the rest of the things.

I have rented an Airbnb for the 29th of this month. It has everything you need, a toilet in case I vomit, a bed and a sofa, wifi and air conditioning. I will thoroughly clean glasses and spoons and warn them to do it again or throw everything away to avoid risks.

I have to make up some excuse for my parents, who I live with, when I go out there. I don't want to spend 6 hours in that place without being able to eat or drink, without a computer, just with my cell phone... but I have to do it this way or they will get suspicious. I have made a playlist with more than 6 hours of music to at least keep me happy while I wait.

Backpack:
SN 500g
Metoclopramide 10 mg 3 pills
Lorazepam 1 mg 4 pills
Zolpidem 10mg 2 pills
Anafranil (clomipramine) 25 mg 1 pill
Phone charger
Paper and pen to leave notices to the owners
Mortar and pestle
Weighing machine
Bowl for weighing the SN
Speaker and usb with music
Mp3 and headphones for when I sleep with the SN

I think that's all I need, if anyone can think of anything else that I may have forgotten or that would be useful to keep me entertained or help me with the whole thing, I'd be happy to read it.

I will use the 48h method

Day 1

11:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
19:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
3:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide

Day 2

11:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
15:30 - 16:00 h - Last meal.
19:00h - 1 X 10 mg Metoclopramide
2:00h - 1000 mg of paracetamol.
2:15h - 3 X 10 mg Metoclopramide + 25 mg clomipramine under the tongue
2:40h - (Crushed) 4 mg Lorazepam + 20 mg zolpidem
3:00h - 25 g SN drink

Any advice on this?

Being in my room, where I spend most of the day, I don't feel any fear, outside my mind begins to ruminate, but I won't back down. When the time comes I will mix it like someone stirring a medicine that dissolves in water and I will drink it. I will play the mp3 and lie down to wait for the symptoms, nausea, irrational panic... I will hug the pillow and scream to release tension, I will refuse to call an ambulance, because the pain will be temporary, the fear will be temporary, enduring what enough I will achieve my purpose, which has more value than anything else.

There's still until that day, so I guess I'll take advantage of the thread to tell a little about my life later. I would like to be able to use my phone and narrate what I am doing and feeling, but it is very likely that once I ingest benzo and hypnotics my mind will become lazy, but I will try. And since there will be traces of it, I will say it now:

No one has forced me to take this path, no one has coerced or incited me to do so. Those who know me well know my history, this is my wish, mine and onloy mine. I want to end my life, it is mine and I have that right to choose whether to abandon it. I can't stand this world anymore, living with pain and feelings that cause me great regret, and that is why I am leaving. That's all.

 

[rozeske]

I am so sorry for all you had to go through in your life. I wish you the best in finding the peace you search for

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering, best wishes.

 

[sugarh1gh]

I hope everything goes as planned, so you can finally meet the peace and freedom you wanted.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Why choose an AirBnb instead of a hotel? I'd be concerned about the owner of the house having to personally deal with your dead body...

 

[Onelegman]

Why choose an AirBnb instead of a hotel? I'd be concerned about the owner of the house having to personally deal with your dead body...

All the hotels I found were very expensive and depressing, they were not welcoming but cold, some hotels even did not have a bathroom in the room, but a common one in the hallway. more than €100 to piss in the hallway!!! We are crazy? hahaha I wanted a quiet place, with a bathroom that would allow you to vomit if necessary, Wi-Fi and air conditioning. Many hotels have an air conditioning duct in the ceiling and blow air into all the rooms, there is no way to regulate it, it is as if you connect a tube to a fan and give air to 20 rooms on the same floor, it really is of no use. . And the Wi-Fi is terrible in hotels, I suppose you have experienced it on some occasion.

On Airbnb I have a whole house, not very big, but cozy, proper air conditioning and high-speed Wi-Fi, ideal in case I want to masturbate or write here.

The owner will not have to take care of my corpse, I will leave the note warning that they will find my body inside the room, that they will not be there and call the emergency room, police or whatever comes to mind. I guess it's a risk to take when you rent... zero empathy with these people, who buy houses like crazy to renovate them a little and see the money fall into their pockets. There is actually no kitchen in this one, but that's not a problem, obviously hehehe.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best and good luck with your plan. I hope you find peace!

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

All the hotels I found were very expensive and depressing, they were not welcoming but cold, some hotels even did not have a bathroom in the room, but a common one in the hallway. more than €100 to piss in the hallway!!! We are crazy? hahaha I wanted a quiet place, with a bathroom that would allow you to vomit if necessary, Wi-Fi and air conditioning. Many hotels have an air conditioning duct in the ceiling and blow air into all the rooms, there is no way to regulate it, it is as if you connect a tube to a fan and give air to 20 rooms on the same floor, it really is of no use. . And the Wi-Fi is terrible in hotels, I suppose you have experienced it on some occasion.

On Airbnb I have a whole house, not very big, but cozy, proper air conditioning and high-speed Wi-Fi, ideal in case I want to masturbate or write here.

The owner will not have to take care of my corpse, I will leave the note warning that they will find my body inside the room, that they will not be there and call the emergency room, police or whatever comes to mind. I guess it's a risk to take when you rent... zero empathy with these people, who buy houses like crazy to renovate them a little and see the money fall into their pockets. There is actually no kitchen in this one, but that's not a problem, obviously hehehe.

Sounds like you've thought everything through quite thoroughly, best of luck <3

 

[Onelegman]

The SN package has already arrived. 99% - everything perfect, without police, without notification to social security or anything.

 

[pocket7]

What kind excuse will you make for your parents so they don't start searching for you too early?

 

[Onelegman]

I have a friend that they know, he is a teacher and he doesn't have much time, so we see each other quite often, and can end up late at night. I haven't met him in a while because the school year is ending. I have told them that he wants to introduce me to a girl who is interested in me... that will be enough.