My personality was vaporized

[dysfunctional]

When the bad depression hit, every part of my former self disappeared. All my old passions, opinions, routines, skills, just disappeared. I did not know this was possible. I miss my old self badly and this is a big reason for me wanting to ctb.

Anyone else experience this?

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I'm experiencing this on some level right now. I've regressed, a lot of passions and skills of the past have dimmed. My mind especially has gone to garbage. It feels like a flower has permanently wilted

 

[Throwaway563078]

Can relate. But I never real had a personality to being with. I have borderline personality disorder and one of the criteria is no identity really. It kills me tbh, I was never alive in the first place. Just some lost kid who had a bunch of mental issues. Bpd, anxiety and depression were/are my personality. I hate to admit it but it's true. But I had glimpses of my true personality /self sometimes but that's dead too

 

[Dani Paradox]

I've never experienced that from depression, but I definitely know what it feels like to lose your former self. When the lunatic therapist/doctor induced a dissociative identity I totally detached from my former self. I left that office as a different person. Literally. Black to white. Fight Club....the narrator to Tyler Durden. Yin to Yang. Ryan to Danielle. Ryan disappeared. He died, and Danielle was born. If you can wake up in a different time...in a different place...could you wake up as a different person? I did.

Then Danielle realized that Ryan was still there buried deep inside. And then Ryan realized that him and Danielle were the same person. And then Dani was born. And now Dani is basically Ryan incognito. And everything is destroyed, and all is lost, and Ryan is just like, "WHERE IS THIS FUCKING BUS??!"

 

[Throwaway563078]

I've never experienced that from depression, but I definitely know what it feels like to lose your former self. When the lunatic therapist/doctor induced a dissociative identity I totally detached from my former self. I left that office as a different person. Literally. Black to white. Fight Club....the narrator to Tyler Durden. Yin to Yang. Ryan to Danielle. Ryan disappeared. He died, and Danielle was born. If you can wake up in a different time...in a different place...could you wake up as a different person? I did.

Then Danielle realized that Ryan was still there buried deep inside. And then Ryan realized that him and Danielle were the same person. And then Dani was born. And now Dani is basically Ryan incognito. And everything is destroyed, and all is lost, and Ryan is just like, "WHERE IS THIS FUCKING BUS??!"

How'd they induce disassociative identity? Hypnosis?

 

[Dani Paradox]

How'd they induce disassociative identity? Hypnosis?

Nah... But I'm sure dissociating during the therapy appointments while she was talking to me must have had something to do with it. "Therapist-induced dissociative identity." It's an actual thing. If you dig into the research, it's origins actually go all the way back to Project MKUltra. Pretty creepy. It's a real thing though. Basically, the therapist uses improper techniques and rather than having you face your trauma so that you can understand and overcome it....they detach you from it so that you can start over new. The therapist was fucked up, and every appointment I always felt worse when I left than when I got there. I should have gone to a new therapist. I knew it, and my girlfriend knew it. At the time I was under the impression this was the only available therapist in the area for what needed, so I continued seeing her. She was very weird and the therapy was just....fucked up, idk..... The things she would say, and the way she would say it.... I know how I get. I'm sure I was dissociating during the appointments. Must have had about 4 or 5 sessions with her. By the time I finished that last session with her, when I walked out those doors I wasn't Ryan anymore.

 

[samsays89]

Yes. I haven't worked out or shaved in months. I never leave the house unless it's to walk my dog, work, or visit my mom. Usually I'd be camping, hiking, exploring, but even making food seems too much of a chore right now.

Have you looked into psychiatrics or anything?

 

[dysfunctional]

Yes. I haven't worked out or shaved in months. I never leave the house unless it's to walk my dog, work, or visit my mom. Usually I'd be camping, hiking, exploring, but even making food seems too much of a chore right now.

Have you looked into psychiatrics or anything?

I was a serious lifetime outdoorsman, so I can really relate to this. I don't do much of anything anymore. I am currently doing therapy once a week and take antidepressants. Took some of the edge of the extreme anxiety I was feeling, but other than that, no change,

 

[Jen Erik]

"Therapist-induced dissociative identity."

That is incredibly shitty, I'm so sorry it happened to you. When those tasked with helping people inflict grave harm like that, it is truly monstrous.

 

[Fucking loving it]

Yes. I have nothing any more. No more people bc of isolation. No life. I sit all day and dissociate. I'm a lost cause .

 

[Dani Paradox]

Yes. I have nothing any more. No more people bc of isolation. No life. I sit all day and dissociate. I'm a lost cause .

I'm not so sure the ketamine is helping with the dissociation, but I mean...

 

[Dani Paradox]

That is incredibly shitty, I'm so sorry it happened to you. When those tasked with helping people inflict grave harm like that, it is truly monstrous.

I wish I could see her thrown behind bars. Both her and the medical doctor.

 

[Fucking loving it]

I'm not so sure the ketamine is helping with the dissociation, but I mean...

The ketamine is at night only. I'm not on it all the time.

 

[Dani Paradox]

The ketamine is at night only. I'm not on it all the time.

Bad joke. Sorry.