My peaceful CTB plan in a foreign country is not possible ANYMORE

[martinso67]

I planed and prepared everything for a final vacation in a foreign country, where It is also legal to buy much more medication.

I wanted to buy the original sleep medication, that has the (for me) desired overdose side effect. But this is not possible, because of lack of sufficient savings. Since this March, I have the plan and somewhat the trust to do this. But now my savings are not enough. I at least need about 2500 USD.

i wish I could work. But the only thing I have is a small pocket money from my aunt. I get it when I help her. I also get some small money from odd food delivery jobs.

Why I am f***** trapped. I want to live freely. Can't do anything. I can't work. Because I struggle with concentration and keeping up with a 9-5 work day. I also cannot wake up early. I already have a lack of sleep.

My unemployed life is already exhausting enough. I wish I had a real friend in real life who would really support me. I saw one documentary where a father supported and helped his son to get submitted to a euthanasia clinic. The som did decide against it when he got the medication.
I wish I had someone like that in my life
That empathy and selflessness.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry your plans didn't work out, existence really is too cruel, I find it unacceptable how one cannot just have the option to die in a reliable, painless way. But anyway best wishes.

 

[martinso67]

I'm sorry your plans didn't work out, existence really is too cruel, I find it unacceptable how one cannot just have the option to die in a reliable, painless way. But anyway best wishes.

At least I know I am not alone in this struggle. I wish at least a "happy end". I am afraid of dying cruely through a painful disease like cancer or ALS because of my already existing chronic underweight (which I cannot heal).