Story My parents bully me

[golta]

My father when I'm in my bedroom comes inside only because he knows that I'm disturbed by that. When I have any mess in my bedroom (even if it's just 1 minute) to say that is like my mind is (in a very hurtful way) .
He calls me fat. He tries to make me feel bad If I call out any of his behaviours. He hit me. He throw things at me. He sometimes hit me and has me immobilized in the walls so I'm more damage. He shouts to me for everything.
He makes fun of my hobbies and my clothes.
My mother harras me all day trying to give me kisses or hit my butt all day. She corrects me for things that aren't even mistakes . She shouts me for 15 minutes for an error of her and never apologise. She never thanks me. They only thanks my sister, their favourite. Any extraordinary thing I make is my "obligation" and I have to force her to knowledge it. When I told her what bullys did to me she laugh. She wants to know everything about my life . Tries to control my hobbies, only reading in books but she don't knowledge when I read in digital, even if she does that. She says to my father to stop hitting me and then, 5 minutes later she hits me. She makes everyone pay when she's late but the fact I do everything slower than them is the problem (only 20 as Max I slow down) .
I'm bisexual. I can't feel any gender or pronouns and I can't tell the suppose feelings of comfort or dysmorphia.They're the homofobic type that defend homos ( no trans) but If one is in their family, they aren't members anymore.
I didn't know I was disable, I know it because I read my medical paper secretly. They don't understand I can't make friends, I don't fit. Everyone has the same machines they allow them live each day, damn, even autistic people have machines ,they only have different ones.
I have the standard machine but defective, not enough to receive money from the government, not enough to fit.
My parents were bullies. My father admitted they bullied richer kids and even if my mother haven't say it , she has gave me enough hits to know she was a teacher pet that didn't care for the class needs (an neither her brothers ones) .
My sister is less successful in academic life but they prefer her because she's an actual social normal kid.
I'm the one that if I don't make friends is because I don't want to.
I'm tired.
I don't have friends as anymore and my sister prefers my parents over me.
I don't have family either.
Try took my mother 14 years to notice my baggy eyes.
My father hasn't noticed.
Dead is the sweetest outcome, I don't want it, but I don't have options

 

[badtothebone]

What's "baggy eyes"?

I'm sorry you're suffering from others behavior but why don't you focus on yours instead of the family. Your sister is your sister she's not a stranger and I'm sure you love her. You can ask your dad to stop and if he doesn't call the authority he can't hit you. These are your parents you can't run away from that. Focus on you and your future to be successful and eventually independent. Some behavior might not be that bad like your mom kissing you. Yesterday I asked myself when is the last time I kissed my son? I can't remember I don't kiss or hug and now I regret not kissing him or hugging him enough maybe that's all what it takes to show someone you love them. Are you in school? What's your major? I would volunteer if I was you it will give you a heads up on how the real life with work is. Good luck I wish you a happy future!!

 

[Manfrotto99]

Your situation is very similar to mine. It sounds like narcissistic abusive bullying. I have found not many people understand this kind of situation. Luckily i have a very good Councellor that has helped me. I had narcissistic controlling parents and a golden child sister sibling who is less intelligent but highly praised by them. Who can do no wrong and loves the spotlight lavished on her by my father. They are two of a kind. Where as whatever I did was always wrong and bad and never good enough. In my case my father and golden child sister are bullies and I was the younger smaller fragile one with a tremor that made it difficult for me to fit into society norms. My mother I think went along with the ride to keep them pleased and placate them. My parents even used God to torment me and focus blame on me. While im not bisexual, it really dosnt matter, parents like this will always find fault no matter what. It hurts and it is extremely painful to live this way. It's all about them and while your living there under there rules they make it extremely difficult for you to focus or be yourself other than as a person of fault who is to blame. It does nothing for your self esteem and ability to function successfully in the world. My family were also master manipulators, liers and experts at gas lighting that I believed there accusations and put downs, always blaming myself for everything and feeling ashamed.

i really wish I had some words of encouragement for you but without resources it's a form on entrapment. You need financial security, money and I good support system. Without it your dependant on your bullies and people like this will always wear you down until you are only a shell of existence for them to control. Ive tried all options over the years that were open to me, but I failed. I was set up to fail by my parents who never wished me to succeed and always tore me down. Like you I don't want death either, but it is now my only option left. I really hope you find another way out other than ctb.