Venting My mother saw my self harm marks

[UninformedLover]

Now she is ignoring me. Last time this happened she didn't talk to me for two weeks straight. I'm not sure how I feel right now.

 

[nihilist_fool]

I'm really sorry you're going through this situation. Is there any friends or other family you can talk to about this? University resources if you go to one? Self harming doesn't make you any less deserving of love or affection... especially from your own mother. That's awful.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'll just call her shit out:

When she acts out like that, it's because you had the upper hand. You did something she couldn't control, so she's trying to take power from you and get you back under her control.

I'd bet money she controls with approval as well. If she's happy with you, it's because you're doing something she approves of.

You are not a bit player in The Grand Drama of Her Life. You are not the antagonist who exists only to highlight that she is the protagonist/hero/sacrificing martyr. And you do not exist to be her personal audience--she's clearly giving a performance.

Ignore that shit. Then wait for the next tactic when she realizes this one didn't work.

Does she ever get physically abusive? Do you have a safe place to go if she escalates?

EDIT: I am in a righteous mode today. Please forgive me for jumping into your life and defining things I know little to nothing about. Usually I practice much better boundaries and speak more circumspectly. Anything you disagree with that I ever say, dump it! I hope for your well-being and safety, and I hope you have the internal and external support to get through your current challenges.

 

[UninformedLover]

I'm really sorry you're going through this situation. Is there any friends or other family you can talk to about this? University resources if you go to one? Self harming doesn't make you any less deserving of love or affection... especially from your own mother. That's awful.

I really appreciate your kind and thoughtful words. I'm trying to be more...understanding with myself but it hard sometimes you know? I don't really have anybody to talk to about what I am going through unfortunately for me. I just deal with it alone.

I'll just call her shit out:

When she acts out like that, it's because you had the upper hand. You did something she couldn't control, so she's trying to take power from you and get you back under her control.

I'd bet money she controls with approval as well. If she's happy with you, it's because you're doing something she approves of.

You are not a bit player in The Grand Drama of Her Life. You are not the antagonist who exists only to highlight that she is the protagonist/hero/sacrificing martyr. And you do not exist to be her personal audience--she's clearly giving a performance.

Ignore that shit. Then wait for the next tactic when she realizes this one didn't work.

Does she ever get physically abusive? Do you have a safe place to go if she escalates?

I whole-heartedly agree with your sentiment regarding this. My mother has been physically and emotionally abusive my entire childhood, even now and I am a young adult. She gaslight me,calls me names,neglectful...etc. Other times she is pretty nice to me though which confuses me. As for a safe-place no I don't have one so I just bare the brunt of her abuse when it happens. I should be used to it by now,but I am not. I went outside with my sister and just got back a few minutes ago. She's not ignoring anymore and instead is being real friendly with me. She didn't even mention anything. I don't know what to make of that. I'll guess she will just pretend it didn't happen.

 

[Midnight-rain]

The switching between being manipulative and friendly is another way of gaslighting; like you said it confuses you because it is so drastically different from her usual behavior that you question whether you're just imagining or exaggerating her abusive nature. It makes you rethink your memory.
My condolences go out to you, no mother should ever act like this.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Now she is ignoring me. Last time this happened she didn't talk to me for two weeks straight. I'm not sure how I feel right now.

Makes me so sad to read this. When I used to cut it would upset my mum when she seen the marks and would always kiss me and tell me I was hurting enough without harming my precious body. Wise words from such a beautiful soul. I miss her so much. My love to you