Venting My mom stops me from suicide

[mentalhealthfighter]

I keep getting into fights with my mom. Im suicidal, want it all to end and shes going completely crazy from it. She keeps saying and saying that I should recover but I dont believe in it. I just want to stop. I dont enjoy anything, I only rot in my bed. I cant take it anymore.

My mom is the key, she can buy SN for me and I will be free. And shes willing to do that but she keeps pushing last resorts on me. 'Get a psychologist'', "try this other medication". Mom please, I'm done, this world is not for me.

Ironically ive played the role of my mom. You think youre doing the right thing by focussing someone on some hopeful future but you neglect their current pain. I want the pain I feel right now to stop.

So whos right? Me or my mom?

 

[Labean]

When children leave before their parents, it is somehow sad.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

When children leave before their parents, it is somehow sad.

Yes, thats true. But I didnt ask to be born and want to end the pain.

 

[Labean]

Nobody asked to be born! It's impossible! Do not rush, ask, communicate, here they are happy to help you.

 

[FuneralCry]

We have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing, it is our life, our decision and nobody else has any say in it. As you said we did not ask to be born so that means we have no obligations to stay alive. Of course parents are selfish, they want you to stay alive for their sake. Life is horrible and I understand it is hard to carry on when you are constantly suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[apathetic.]

Yes, thats true. But I didnt ask to be born and want to end the pain.

Exactly

 

[YourNeighbor]

Your mom is right. You can't expect her to be part of your ctb, and you should stop tormenting her with your plans. If you haven't yet tried living on your own, you also don't know enough to know you want to ctb. Try everything else first, ctb is always an option, but should be a last resort.

 

[motel rooms]

If you haven't yet tried living on your own, you also don't know enough to know you want to ctb.

What a condescending thing to say...

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

Try everything else first, ctb is always an option, but should be a last resort.

Why?

 

[Labean]

Why?

I daresay it will be difficult for the dead to try other options.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

I daresay it will be difficult for the dead to try other options.

And?

 

[$nowLeopard]

My mom is the key, she can buy SN for me and I will be free

how about you get a job and buy it yourself?

 

[Labean]

And?

I didn't understand anything, but it was interesting.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Your mom is right. You can't expect her to be part of your ctb, and you should stop tormenting her with your plans. If you haven't yet tried living on your own, you also don't know enough to know you want to ctb. Try everything else first, ctb is always an option, but should be a last resort.

Fuuuck.
People get shifty when it's 'planned & apparently purposeful' death-play.

At the end of the day, we are all here entirely on our own. We exist independently of every other bieng, irrespective of parent & child connections. Staying and living a miserable existence infects the entire family like disease :: shadowplay, innuendo, enabling and hostage-taking make everyone's life miserable.
My mother knew of my plans, I deeply feel my addiction affected her to the point she got cancer. Something I have deep shame &regret over. I function, well enough to have cared for her through her process (colostomy / fistula / chemotherapy etc), to her passing. Now she's gone, its time to go.
I know its unpopular, & many reactions and inventory taking happens from inexperienced, immature perspectives :: parents with toddlers wanting to ctb should have their wishes fulfilled if no other way is evident, as hard as that is to accept.
Mental illness / schizophrenia and addiction is rife in my family tree's genetic make-up... if you've spawned children, you shouldn't have to expose them to yr misery if you cannot help it... staying miserably for them is cruel to everyone :: children are resillient.
I often mention I wish I'd died ages ago and spared my family my chaotic lifestyle misery. They support my decision.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

If you haven't yet tried living on your own, you also don't know enough to know you want to ctb. Try everything else first, ctb is always an option, but should be a last resort.

If someone wants to ctb then any reason is good enough. Trying to meet some arbitrary threshold of suffering beforehand does not make sense.

People don't just wake up one morning wanting to kill themselves. It happens gradually over time as more and more problems start to pile on. Suicide is a rational conclusion when faced with lifelong misery.

Death is coming regardless. Suicide is just choosing when.

 

[TriggerHappy]

I keep getting into fights with my mom. Im suicidal, want it all to end and shes going completely crazy from it. She keeps saying and saying that I should recover but I dont believe in it. I just want to stop. I dont enjoy anything, I only rot in my bed. I cant take it anymore.

My mom is the key, she can buy SN for me and I will be free. And shes willing to do that but she keeps pushing last resorts on me. 'Get a psychologist'', "try this other medication". Mom please, I'm done, this world is not for me.

Ironically ive played the role of my mom. You think youre doing the right thing by focussing someone on some hopeful future but you neglect their current pain. I want the pain I feel right now to stop.

So whos right? Me or my mom?

My friend, you are both struggling and suffering :: its normal for you both to have your own perspectives and agendas.
You're naive if you believe yr mom's gonna voluntarily buy you s.n. - and that's something u may want to do yourself. Don't have her live with the guilt and regret of helping you after u gone.
Besides, that's something you should take responsibility for yourself.
I feel bad cos of the mission /inconvenience/ & fallout (emotional, financial - bodyclaim funeral expenses legalities etc I have no expectations attatchments after death...) I will burden them with. But living is a greater burden, we know that.
What have you got to lose, if you don't wanna try therapy why would yr mom think you're rational and logical?! Try not to be manipulative, you can only control what's under your skin.
And set her free from the self-doubt because you have her enabling you.
in the end, when its done; (however it happens) that's the emotional weighty truth u sit with. Not the argumentative gameplay u engaging in now... ive been there. It hurts.
See it from her perspective, its also a struggle! There's no right way, or winner, I'm afraid. You both lose. Time takes time...
Mom's are special, nomatter how frustrated or toxic :: grow and learn and live and let live. Until you dont.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Nobody asked to be born! It's impossible!

By having kids you are basically asking to be born retroactively.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

how about you get a job and buy it yourself?

I find it hard to leave my bed. Severe depression.

My friend, you are both struggling and suffering :: its normal for you both to have your own perspectives and agendas.
You're naive if you believe yr mom's gonna voluntarily buy you s.n. - and that's something u may want to do yourself. Don't have her live with the guilt and regret of helping you after u gone.
Besides, that's something you should take responsibility for yourself.
I feel bad cos of the mission /inconvenience/ & fallout (emotional, financial - bodyclaim funeral expenses legalities etc I have no expectations attatchments after death...) I will burden them with. But living is a greater burden, we know that.
What have you got to lose, if you don't wanna try therapy why would yr mom think you're rational and logical?! Try not to be manipulative, you can only control what's under your skin.
And set her free from the self-doubt because you have her enabling you.
in the end, when its done; (however it happens) that's the emotional weighty truth u sit with. Not the argumentative gameplay u engaging in now... ive been there. It hurts.
See it from her perspective, its also a struggle! There's no right way, or winner, I'm afraid. You both lose. Time takes time...
Mom's are special, nomatter how frustrated or toxic :: grow and learn and live and let live. Until you dont.

Yes, I respect my moms views.
I cant buy it myself. She will call the ambulance when i take it. My mom is in control here.
Because I dont believe therapy can fix the pain i feel.
I will try to stop influencing her.

 

[forgotten15]

I find it hard to leave my bed. Severe depression.

how about you get a job and buy it yourself?

How about lets just shut up if we don't have anything constructive to add to the topic. You don't know his personal situation to make this type of comment. I cannot understand how can people make these remarks when someone shares their suffering with us.

 

[NormaJeane]

We have the right to decide over our own life, we have the right to decide when and how we are going to die, we can not stay alive for others if we are tormented so much that we only want to die and we can not stay alive for the sake of our parents if they want to live 120 years - that life will be too long.

 

[YourNeighbor]

What a condescending thing to say...

I was stating what to me is an objective point, not attacking or insulting OP. You projected condescension on my post for whatever reason--you're tilting at windmills.

OP asked for opinions, not for an echo chamber. It was expected not everyone would support OP unconditionally over the mother in the scenario presented. If you want to agree with OP and argue why the mom is so wrong, feel free. If OP was offended by my post, I'm sure s/he's perfectly capable of saying so, and if so I would apologize to OP, not anyone else who decided to interject themselves into a conversation between others. Obviously no offense was intended.

 

[rationaltake]

I keep getting into fights with my mom. Im suicidal, want it all to end and shes going completely crazy from it. She keeps saying and saying that I should recover but I dont believe in it. I just want to stop. I dont enjoy anything, I only rot in my bed. I cant take it anymore.

My mom is the key, she can buy SN for me and I will be free. And shes willing to do that but she keeps pushing last resorts on me. 'Get a psychologist'', "try this other medication". Mom please, I'm done, this world is not for me.

Ironically ive played the role of my mom. You think youre doing the right thing by focussing someone on some hopeful future but you neglect their current pain. I want the pain I feel right now to stop.

So whos right? Me or my mom?

I get your point of view. But I can understand why your mom would not want to assist you to commit suicide.

It's painful for both of you. Sorry you're in this position.

 

[motel rooms]

I was stating what to me is an objective point, not attacking or insulting OP. You projected condescension on my post for whatever reason--you're tilting at windmills.

This statement is pure condescension, not an objective point, & I have every right to find it objectionable:

If you haven't yet tried living on your own, you also don't know enough to know you want to ctb.

 

[disabledlife]

This is why more and more people are striving to move the laws to legalize assisted suicide and euthanasia in the world. To be able to help the people who asked to die and who cannot do it themselves. Assisted suicide is the help to provide all the means wanted by the person who wants CTB, so that he CTB himself.

Euthanasia is the fact that someone else will "kill" you at your request because you cannot CTB yourself.

Be careful, I am talking about active euthanasia, this possibility of asking to be "killed" by someone else, in general a doctor complacent with his patient asking to want to leave.

Because passive euthanasia is the method of stopping all treatment and letting the person die, or precipitating his death without the intention of killing him with relieving straw treatments in an attempt to fight against the pain, otherwise called terminal sedation.

In all countries that have the right to passive euthanasia, or to let him die quite simply, with terminal sedation, there are more and more people claiming the right to benefit from assisted suicide and ACTIVE euthanasia. , real euthanasia!

 

[Zzzzz]

As someone who has lived with parents without an income while being suicidal, I know how powerless it can feel sometimes. I side with you because only you can know whether you should live or not. It's your life ultimately, not parents. With that said I'm not saying you should try to persuade your mother. You might want to accept how she feels . I don't know exactly what your relationship is like with your mother and what she is thinking, but in my experience, it is extremely difficult for parents to accept the death of their children willingly. Even if you keep trying different things, she might never really be okay with the idea of your death. parents have spent their lives trying to keep their children alive, so it's difficult for them to fathom their deaths. Unfortunately, you might have to go with a method that is not SN. One that you can do on your own , if possible. You might have to get creative on a method. Just my 2 cents .

 

[motel rooms]

If OP was offended by my post, I'm sure s/he's perfectly capable of saying so, and if so I would apologize to OP, not anyone else who decided to interject themselves into a conversation between others. Obviously no offense was intended.

Well, I certainly don't apologize to you either. You managed to offend all the SS members who don't live on their own by saying that "they don't know enough to know that they want to ctb". This might come as a shock to you, but this forum is full of vulnerable people who have never been able to get their own place. Do you realize that you basically called them dummies who don't have the right to choose to end their suffering?

Btw, this is a public forum & I have the right to comment on any post I want, including yours. I didn't rudely interject myself into a super private conversation between you & OP, Mr./Ms. Sensitivity.

 

[Someone123]

I keep getting into fights with my mom. Im suicidal, want it all to end and shes going completely crazy from it. She keeps saying and saying that I should recover but I dont believe in it. I just want to stop. I dont enjoy anything, I only rot in my bed. I cant take it anymore.

My mom is the key, she can buy SN for me and I will be free. And shes willing to do that but she keeps pushing last resorts on me. 'Get a psychologist'', "try this other medication". Mom please, I'm done, this world is not for me.

Ironically ive played the role of my mom. You think youre doing the right thing by focussing someone on some hopeful future but you neglect their current pain. I want the pain I feel right now to stop.

So whos right? Me or my mom?

Based on what you have posted, I think you have better reasons for living than dying at this point- having a mom who really cares about you can help a lot. I will say that I'm not a big believer in medications for depression- they don't address the underlying causes. If you're depresseed because of money, how does a pill help? If you're depressed becuse of bullying, how does a pill help? Most real causes of depression are not help by pills, they are helped by making some progress on the problem. Because you have a mom helping you, I think a good thnig that coulod pull you out of this is some type of volunteering, like vonunteering at an animal shelter. When you volunteer most other volunteers won't judge you as harshly as other people sometimes might- they are just glad you are there to helop. Or maybe some other type of volunteering could help. WIth a mom pulloing for you so strong this could help a lot if you find something to work on that helps.

 

[demuic]

I think you should not try to get your mom involved in your suicide. That is something you have to choose for yourself regardless of how anyone else feels about it. You are your own person and presumably an adult. If she cares about you she would want you to recover so she doesn't have to see you die regardless of how feasible that is.

Depending on where you live it may also be a crime to have her buy your SN for you.