My mental illness is pretty brutal

['sup-bro?]

I talk to myself like a crazy person on the subway.
I have tics where I shout out random stuff uncontrollably.
I hit myself with a fist.
I hit my head against the wall.
I make faces.
I don't have control over all this shit for fucks sake!!
I need to exit for real!! But I can't access assisted suicide or anything like that!
I'm scared of jumping in front of train or from a building. I'm really fucking scared. All I want is to shoot myself in the head or fall asleep from fentanyl overdose. Or peacefully exit via assisted suicide but none of these things are possible for me! I'm trapped in this existence. Suffering immensely. It hurts so damn much. I cry everyday.

 

[silence ends]

I've been experiencing like i cant put on 'happy-face' anymore, all the pain stacked inside me over the years comes trough and i often cant control it at all anymore. For me its horrific facial postures, random rage attacks etc.
I can partly imagine how terrible your situation. Hope you find peace somehow

 

[Hotsackage]

You are not alone

 

[cait_sith]

I do some things you listed periodically when thoughts get too overwhelming, but manage to snap out of it when I notice people looking at me, it's really horrible when you notice yourself getting more behavioural abnormal, I wish I could just go crazy without me being able to reflect on it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really unacceptable and horrific how assisted suicide isn't available even know people suffer so much in this existence, it must be so dreadful what you are going through. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

['sup-bro?]

I do some things you listed periodically when thoughts get too overwhelming, but manage to snap out of it when I notice people looking at me, it's really horrible when you notice yourself getting more behavioural abnormal, I wish I could just go crazy without me being able to reflect on it.

At least you can snap out of it when you notive people looking at you. I can't snap out of it. It's a living hell for me still. Thanks for your reply.

 

[rotciv]

Is this tourette syndrome?

 

[BruceWayne]

have you tried taking cbd?

 

['sup-bro?]

Is this tourette syndrome?

No man. I didn't have this until the age of 26. It all started when I tried to quit smoking weed but then corona came and my father died so I started smoking heavily again. Then there was a relationship that ended badly and ever since then I have zero control over it.

have you tried taking cbd?

It definately calms the mind but doesn't help with this condition at all.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I had psychosis symptoms for the past several months and couldn't snap out of it, would say the most crazy things, twitch and shout. Felt very embarrassed afterwards, and scared so I guess I can relate a bit to what you said.

I'm so sorry you have to endure those symptoms...my condolences for the loss of your father and the relationship that ended. Happening during covid must have been true hell...

 

['sup-bro?]

I had psychosis symptoms for the past several months and couldn't snap out of it, would say the most crazy things, twitch and shout. Felt very embarrassed afterwards, and scared so I guess I can relate a bit to what you said.

I'm so sorry you have to endure those symptoms...my condolences for the loss of your father and the relationship that ended. Happening during covid must have been true hell...

Thanks for your empathy. Having psychosis must be hell also.