Story My mental cope for the perception of the past

[OrcWitch]

In the psychiatric hospital where I ended up at the end of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, I met a nice counselor there. My memory of that place is almost entirely negative but I have respect for a few kind staff members there. He told me "the thought of the future is only a thought", which helped tremendously with my GAD and tendency to have an almost physically paralyzing fear of the future. I can remind myself that it's only an illusion in my head this way.

In the last year I have been trying to cope with the past like this. The past is an illusion caused by memory, it happened but it doesn't exist anymore. Only the present actually exists, it is energy that is in constant motion. I could have had the most pleasant life the past 28 years, or the most hellish one, but that does not change that the present I am sitting in currently is the same. No matter what has happened in my life it does not change the fact that these are only memories, there is only the present that is energy in constant motion. Memories are basically just my imagination, but instead of fantasy they are based on reality. To not emotionally collapse it is best for me to focus on the present and not stress over the illusions of the past.

I wouldn't say this to another person because I don't want to dismiss another person's traumatic experiences. But it is soothing for my own trauma with abuse in childhood. It helps me stay centered and remember that my current situation isn't that negative, I'm merely lonely, but all the suffering is in the past.

 

[timf]

There are several options with regard to how we deal with the past. Disconnecting from it can be better than letting it hold us prisoner. I found it helpful to see abusers as victims themselves who through ignorance were unprepared to deal with life and in their panic struck out inflicting others with their rage and fury.

The distance of time can allow one to reach such a perspective but fresh wounds may only allow disconnection.

Out of the ashes of such experiences can come a resolve to make sure one's own children have a solid basis for understanding life and a way to deal with the unexpected.

If you are transitioning through a period of disconnection and later come to some accommodation with the past, you may consider that sharing your past can freak people out. Many people feel uncomfortable when hearing about what can happen to others. A lot of WWII vets found this out as people did not want to hear about the reality of combat. As a result many turned to alcohol and solitude.

You should be congratulated for having survived and discovered ways to manage trauma. As your healing continues, you may discover items from the past that have value (such as personality types to avoid). Thank you for sharing your survival tactics as many others may also find them useful.

 

[oliviahurts]

The biggest thing that helped for me was accepting that what happened was real (rather than imagined as I'd been gaslit to believe) and was abuse and that I'm suffering from PTSD. This helped me understand the rush of emotions and thoughts that came in to my head as flashbacks and made me feel like I better understood what happened and was happening to my head.

 

[OrcWitch]

The biggest thing that helped for me was accepting that what happened was real (rather than imagined as I'd been gaslit to believe) and was abuse and that I'm suffering from PTSD. This helped me understand the rush of emotions and thoughts that came in to my head as flashbacks and made me feel like I better understood what happened and was happening to my head.

I wonder if the gaslighting is a deliberate and calculated move, or if the abusive person truly cannot remember these things happening because their ego protects itself by repressing the memories?

I can't tell if one of my abusers was a pathological liar or was making a calculated manipulative move.

 

[oliviahurts]

I wonder if the gaslighting is a deliberate and calculated move, or if the abusive person truly cannot remember these things happening because their ego protects itself by repressing the memories?

I can't tell if one of my abusers was a pathological liar or was making a calculated manipulative move.

In my case I think my mum had dissociative amnesia. The morning after my father attacked/threatened me, my mum even if she witnessed it, would appear to completely forget (as would my father). I went along with it since it felt better to pretend it never happened in case talking about it made it more likely in future.

My father was much worse and would erase/rewrite what happened to his will, making me and my mother believe that, for example, I initiated it, it was punishment for something I did, I consented to it, or it wasn't as bad as I remember it. These were much harder to untangle but I think I've done a better job now, understanding that all these are lies and I can actually trust my memory. I would guess the mental mechanisms are quite complex with subconcious rewriting and well as conscious repression.