My menstrual cycle just almost pushed me into the bus

[Reallyreallyreally]

I don't know whether this belongs here or in Suicide. I was in here because I was PMSing. My period has started and I've gone from unavoidably compelled to ambivalent. Not apathetic, definitely ambivalent. This has happened many times over the years. I don't know if it was yesterday or the day before when I was in the welding supply shop to get the exit bag equipment. I didn't buy it because the only regulator/flow meter they had was $700 and I know better than to spend much that after 20+ years of changing my mind mid-attempt.

Now I'm just feeling deflated. When I'm there everything is turned up to level 11. All my senses, all my emotions, my dreams, the way I interact with people. Now I'm just tired. Really really tired. Not sleepy, but mentally.

A year ago I took myself to the ER because of it and of course once I was there all it took was for them to give me some melatonin to get me to sleep, which I hadn't been able to do much of for a few days, and my period started, which meant that my suddenly being normal meant some of the nurses staffing that locked ward clearly thought I had no business taking up a bed when more deserving people could be there, and they kept asking me leading questions in an obvious attempt to justify their suspicions that I was manic. I'm not freaking bipolar. I just don't handle stress very well and sometimes when I get too much of it at one time this happens. Fortunately for me it wasn't technically a 5150 because a law was recently passed here saying that patients have the right to remain on voluntary status if they go there on their own, though I was warned that if I tried to leave it was going to be switched and I would end up with that 5150 on my record.

I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow in therapy. I can't lie to her and she's going to ask me about it. I minimize pretty frequently how suicidal I'm feeling but other than that the most I can do is tell her I don't want to answer. Sometimes I think that she thinks I'm a huge liar who makes everything up even though she even told me once that she's not even sure I have the ability to lie.

So I'm a little worried because she's going to ask what I've been up to and I'm going to plan not to tell her and then it's just going to come out of my mouth and then she's going to ask how I'm feeling and I'm going to tell her. She doesn't want to put me in there so maybe I'll be okay. And maybe tomorrow will be the last of it anyway. She's said many times that's not going to happen, and she still hasn't charged me for the sessions we've had since I've been out of work temporarily due to an injury.

And maybe once I go back I won't feel like this at all. I don't do well with too much free time. It's possible I'll go back and it will be as if none of this happened. I'll remember it intellectually but I won't feel it. If that happens I'll probably ban myself.

 

[Final Escape]

Yea I have this too it's called premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It made it difficult for me to be employed bc I needed a day off at least every month bc I simply could not function the days leading up to period. It would start to get bad as soon as the second half of the month before my period would start. Or like two weeks before my period every month.

I felt like I was crawling out of my skin, and felt just awful, but don't let them pressure u on birth control to manage it. You might actually need your hormones checked. They always want to push drugs and birth control but u should look at alternatives because drugs and birth control just have unpleasant side effects. Yea it ruined my life but I never got appropriate treatment for it. The healthcare system doesn't really look at what's causing this they just treat symptoms.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

Yea I have this too it's called premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It made it difficult for me to be employed bc I needed a day off at least every month bc I simply could not function the days leading up to period. It would start to get bad as soon as the second half of the month before my period would start. Or like two weeks before my period every month.

I felt like I was crawling out of my skin, and felt just awful, but don't let them pressure u on birth control to manage it. You might actually need your hormones checked. They always want to push drugs and birth control but u should look at alternatives because drugs and birth control just have unpleasant side effects. Yea it ruined my life but I never got appropriate treatment for it. The healthcare system doesn't really look at what's causing this they just treat symptoms.

This is actually the reason I started keto. This and all these symptoms of PCOS. It fixes them completely but I've been off it for a while. The PCOS hasn't returned yet but apparently the emotional effects are back. I declined birth control. It doesn't make sense to me to trade cyclical symptoms for full time side effects. I tend toward bad side effects from so many medications. I went through the birth control nightmare a couple decades ago, tried one after the other. Never doing that again.

 

[Final Escape]

This is actually the reason I started keto. This and all these symptoms of PCOS. It fixes them completely but I've been off it for a while. The PCOS hasn't returned yet but apparently the emotional effects are back. I declined birth control. It doesn't make sense to me to trade cyclical symptoms for full time side effects. I tend toward bad side effects from so many medications. I went through the birth control nightmare a couple decades ago, tried one after the other. Never doing that again.

Right they tried the birth control scam on me and I could not tolerate any of it. I tried like all of them and felt so bad I had to come off all of them. Yea I'm guessing they kind of know that it doesn't work for many women so u will end up needing an abortion because u turn to less effective methods. It's a clever way to depopulate us, and to use the fetal tissue for god only knows what. Youth treatments for the rich lol!

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

Right they tried the birth control scam on me and I could not tolerate any of it. I tried like all of them and felt so bad I had to come off all of them. Yea I'm guessing they kind of know that it doesn't work for many women so u will end up needing an abortion because u turn to less effective methods. It's a clever way to depopulate us, and to use the fetal tissue for god only knows what. Youth treatments for the rich lol!

Well I'm not going to be needing any abortions because my partners also have ovaries. As for them knowing it's not that effective, I don't think it's a conspiracy. I think they just don't know enough about women's physiology to address a lot of things. Medical research is rarely done on women because our menstrual cycles are considered to render us too physiologically variable to get an accurate read, and as such we are considered an anomaly and men are considered the standard. Women's physiology and health in general are completely different from men's, but money talks and inertia is strong amongst the powerful so we get the short end of the stick. It's starting to change a little but we obviously still have a long way to go.

And as for the fetal tissue, the cells aren't encoded to do anything specific so they're able to use it to research how to detect and treat things like cancer and genetic diseases.

Also, even the pill isn't completely reliable. The most effective reversible form of birth control that I'm aware of is the IUD, but we're getting out of my main area of understanding.

 

[Bandzbandz]

Birth control is actually the worst. Ive been on it once and I dont remember being any more suicidal ever, than the time I was on it.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

Birth control is actually the worst. Ive been on it once and I dont remember being any more suicidal ever, than the time I was on it.

That and/or explosively angry over weird stuff that would never bother me, and greasy, bloated, exhausted but also couldn't sleep well. If life ever led me toward having a baby I wonder if this is what it would be like for nine whole months. Menopause is going to be here some year soon. I hope I don't have to deal with a straight decade of what I experienced on birth control or what I experience on occasion when my period is coming. That will be such a bad situation.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

I went to my appointment and it was okay. She wants me to track my moods and my cycle in a binder she's going to bring me next week. She says acupuncture can be really helpful. I'll gladly give that a go.

 

[Bandzbandz]

Do you still intend to take birth control though? And if you do, do you think it is necessary to take?

 

[seho_j]

I have a really difficult time with PMS, too. I get 120% suicidal before my period. I hope things get better for you. I don't really know what to do myself

 

[Soulless_Angel]

My periods used to be all over the place, I could go months without (PCOS) since all my mental health issues have kicked off, its become regular every month with out fail, it's heavy its horrid and my mood and anger go through the roof for 2/3 weeks before hand, I almost lose control, and it's like flipping a switch, it scares me, let alone anyone around me,
it feels like I only get a few days grace between each where I am sort of on a more level grounding, not that I am ever level!
I refuse to take BC, never believed in putting false products into my body, or anything that will alter it's natural state, (pain killers are pretty much are the only thing I will take)

 

[TheBigBurden]

My problems are also hormonal. The one birth control that helped my problems was discontinued. Now it's hopless. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you I just hope you feel ok and remember at least part of the month will be okish

 

[k75]

I have Mirena for birth control. It is a hormone based IUD, but it's waaaaay less than pills and stuff. The biggest reason I love it is most people stop having periods, and with it, no PMS at all. I'm on my second one, and it's been maybe 14 years since I suffered.