My love for my bf is the only thing keeping me alive.

[pento]

My reason for wanting to commit suicide is relatively simple: I am disillusioned with the world, see it actively declining, and have no meaningful opportunities to succeed, for example a career I would enjoy. I want to just swallow N or SN and be done with it.

But then there's my bf. He broke down crying last night and told me he would never forgive himself if I did it, that he would always feel guilty for not doing more to stop it.

So I'm just going on, as a living corpse, in a world that's unimaginably cruel, in an existence I never asked for.

 

[Vex]

I'm sorry that you feel this way, a lot of people just can't understand what it is like living a hollow existence.

How do you feel about your boyfriend?

 

[BabyFears]

Can't die but can't live either, that's hard, I'm really sorry for you

But at least you have something to hang on to, maybe he'll be your strength, maybe he's the one giving you meaning to your life

 

[cambrai33]

You won't feel like it but you are lucky compared to many that have left us, what I mean is that you have something to live for even if it's to spare someone else pain.

You have someone who truly cares about you which many don't

I agree the world is a horrible place at the moment and the future looks bleak but you are still hanging in there somehow, much stronger than you think you are

This will sound incredibly stupid but look at doggie daycare on you tube, in my worst moments it's the only thing that makes me smile if only for a short time

i wish you well

 

[pento]

How do you feel about your boyfriend?

In general, I love him and love spending time with him. He is, admittedly, completely unimpressive. He spends almost all his time playing video games, and has an addiction to junk food that I certainly don't make any better. But we can work on this. He's completely innocent, almost too good for this world.

You won't feel like it but you are lucky compared to many that have left us, what I mean is that you have something to live for even if it's to spare someone else pain.

You have someone who truly cares about you which many don't

I agree the world is a horrible place at the moment and the future looks bleak but you are still hanging in there somehow, much stronger than you think you are

I haven't really explicitly thought about it before but yeah, I really do dull his pain. I've been nothing but a positive influence on him. He still, after two years, appreciates me as if we fell in love yesterday and doesn't take me for granted.

This will sound incredibly stupid but look at doggie daycare on you tube, in my worst moments it's the only thing that makes me smile if only for a short time

I will definitely have a look at it next time I'm really spiraling. Thanks.

 

[bed]

I lived for my ex for a long time so I can somewhat relate. I did/do love her still and I think I always will.

It is exhausting living for others but I'm glad you have someone who seems to truly care for you.

Yours views on life i sadly relate to, I'm sorry how cruel everything is.

 

[pento]

It is definitely exhausting, but I don't feel like I have any other option at this point. Besides, some of my concerns (like never being able to get a fulfilling career) don't matter when my bf supports me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Staying alive for others is something I could never do. It would be too painful to put up with this horrible life for decades. It sounds like a difficult situation you are in, but I wish you the best whatever happens. I can relate to feeling like a living corpse, I died a long time ago.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

I know it's probably not ideal but it's beautiful you have someone to depend on and support you. I thought it was impossible being in a depressed, suicidal state honesty. Can I ask how you met and if you felt this way when you met him?

 

[pento]

I know it's probably not ideal but it's beautiful you have someone to depend on and support you. I thought it was impossible being in a depressed, suicidal state honesty. Can I ask how you met and if you felt this way when you met him?

I met him online, specifically through Discord. I was not actively suicidal when I met him.

 

[Ashu]

[He is, admittedly, completely unimpressive.]

This is hilarious, and I recognize the hard honesty of it. The people we love are human.

It is definitely exhausting, but I don't feel like I have any other option at this point. Besides, some of my concerns (like never being able to get a fulfilling career) don't matter when my bf supports me.

You must have some degree of happiness and pleasure with him?

 

[Hangman]

If I had an innocent, video game playing, junk food eating girlfriend, I would have a big reason to continue living life.

 

[Someone123]

My reason for wanting to commit suicide is relatively simple: I am disillusioned with the world, see it actively declining, and have no meaningful opportunities to succeed, for example a career I would enjoy. I want to just swallow N or SN and be done with it.

But then there's my bf. He broke down crying last night and told me he would never forgive himself if I did it, that he would always feel guilty for not doing more to stop it.

So I'm just going on, as a living corpse, in a world that's unimaginably cruel, in an existence I never asked for.

You are very lucky you have this boyfriend. There are terrible things in the world but also very good things- people on this site typically have had some very bad luck. One thing about careers is that you can enjoy almost any career if you like the people you work with- I think that it is worth considering exploring things too make your life better. Sometimes volunteering can help, especially with animals, if possible. Plus in volunteering organizations you usually have nice people there who can be part of your network of support. Of course it is your choice what path to take, no one here can know your whole life situation, only the little bits that are posted here. Best of luck. :)

 

[VKVK]

I felt like this when with my ex. I could stand anything that happened in the world. I loved her so very much, it was insane.

Then she broke my heart. Said and did terrible things, acted even worse. That was more than two years ago and I haven't recovered. I can barely hold the urges anymore, and I don't think I'll be able to for much longer.

Here's a tip from someone who knows the wonderfulness of what you feel: Do not. Let it go. Easily. Only if there really isn't any other way for your SO to br happy with their lives and they somehow can't be with you anymore. No love or whatever else. This will sound controversial and perhaps manipulative to some, but that isn't the point, this isn't about forcing them to be with you. Just try everything until the very end. You'll regret it if you don't. The missed opportunity for being together will eat the remaining strength of your soul.

I'm glad you have someone like that with you, and good luck on life. Wish I still had this luck.