Venting My life!

[TheDevilsAngel]

Hello everyone this is more of a upsetting vent for me than anything.....not sure if anyone will read but i need to get it out.

Its official im broken again....i thought braking up with my ex would make Life better but no he is determined to make my life hell... I decided to try be happy to try live, my mother and sister booked a house to stay in near the beach. Yes it is beautiful i just wanted my kids to hav some sort of a getaway before school starts again....

I tried to enjoy we went to a haunted house a lighthouse spend a day at the beach...the ex kept txtin he wanted to know where i was. For two days i was called a dirty whore, ugly, stuck up, to fuck off etc. I eventually told him i was with my sister (bad idea) he txt he going too get a women record it and shove it in my face he going to make me see what bad is and shame me and say i send naked pictures to men . None of it true, the truth is i bearly leave the house unless I hav too..i dont talk to anyone i panic and hav manic episodes alot i suffer every day my head hurts.

At the beach i kept thinking about jumping from the lighthouse and letting the sea carry me out but there were people and i would not of succeeded. Daily im thinkin about it because of him. He is going to ruin me more than i already am.

He hates me i wish i just took him back , now ive no hope im alone sad and crying. I want to just give up and end it i feel i have no choice its the only escape.

Im so stupid i should just took the abuse. How can i leave the house again and the kids its such a mess.....im a mess i just want to be held to be loved, i try to look ok to look pretty i try hard. Everyone hates me there is no hope

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read i hope ye can find peace and happiness i know now it not going happen, for as long as i remember its been hell. No way can i live another year not alone a lifetime , all i wanted to do was please him i don't want see him with another women. He is in my head and if I'm honest i think i need him and don't know how I can get him back. A family its all I wanted and i told him leave he begged to come home

My head , i do blame my head it hurts so bad. I just want to slice and stick pins in myself i am going to suffer. Everyone seems to want to make me suffer.....

 

[SinisterKid]

Turn the phone off, change your number and block his number. You dont need him, you just think you do. You can do this, for you, for your kids and to spite him. Show him you can live without him.

Hopefully, at some point in time, we will read another thread from you telling us how you turned it around. Dont let him win.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Turn the phone off, change your number and block his number. You dont need him, you just think you do. You can do this, for you, for your kids and to spite him. Show him you can live without him.

Hopefully, at some point in time, we will read another thread from you telling us how you turned it around. Dont let him win.

Thank you and i do hope so....
But there is the problem that im living in his home town and he is related to most of it. I cant leave as do not have money. This how he gets in my head because he knows everyone there and he will talk. He talks about solicitors and courts... mentally i cant handle it and he knows this....

I try to be strong and i will keep ye updated..

 

[HGL91]

Hi @Rallyon. I don't have kids but I did just get out of an abusive relationship and I'm also 27. I have been getting the same thing. Every time he texted me, he would call me a cold, evil person, a bitch, a sociopath, etc. because I left him after he took advantage of me financially and verbally. Every time he'd text me, I'd feel my stomach drop and I'd get so sad.

I've blocked him for 3 days on my phone and feel some peace. If you feel better about it, you can text him that you're going to block him for however long you need before you do it, so you don't shock him and show a bit of kindness. Good to be the bigger person. :)

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Hi @Rallyon. I don't have kids but I did just get out of an abusive relationship and I'm also 27. I have been getting the same thing. Every time he texted me, he would call me a cold, evil person, a bitch, a sociopath, etc. because I left him after he took advantage of me financially and verbally. Every time he'd text me, I'd feel my stomach drop and I'd get so sad.

I've blocked him for 3 days on my phone and feel some peace. If you feel better about it, you can text him that you're going to block him for however long you need before you do it, so you don't shock him and show a bit of kindness. Good to be the bigger person. :)

Thank you for the advice, i don't know why but i feel i cant block him, i say it is because of the kids but part of me still loves him. Im with him since im sixteen. Yes i 100% understand the feeling in your stomach because experience it the second i hear my phone going off.

Yes i am trying to be kind with him because i dont want to make him even angrier. When we first split three months ago i was hoping he would move on but now he says he is going to it hurts really bad when i want him to love me ...

I need try deal with this for now
I feel everyone in that town hates me and is talking about me. I feel so hurt.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Thank ye all so much
Ill still away going home tomorrow. When i get home i no i going go into a deep depression if i was home now id cut myself up i keep thinking. U know today and yesterday i wish i could jumped from lighthouse and Today i started walking out to sea i just kept going and the lifeguard came and started calling me i came back in but tbh i did not want to. I thought afterwards it prob did look odd i just walked out and then id stop and look back to the beach i did not want go back i wanted the sea to take me. I had a dress on too it was long i just went in ....
My ex going to try take my children i cant take this he is telling people lies about me as i type...

I hate life i hate this world and my beautiful kids who i live for now they going be taken oh why why fucking why i just want to scream and the tears keep coming

 

[HitchHiker]

You are a victim of domestic abuse. Abuse doesn't have to be physical for it to be devastating. As said above, you need to block him. You will be able to start thinking more clearly without him keep harassing you.

You do not need him. You do not deserve to be treated this way and though it may not feel like it now, you CAN have a happy life without him.

There is help out there, try here for starters

Home - Women's Aid

Women's Aid is a grassroots federation working together to provide life-saving services and build a future where domestic violence is not tolerated.

www.womensaid.org.uk

Most solicitors will give you a free half hour advice, maybe when you're feeling up to it, you could consider seeing one.

I hope you're ok, sending hugs.

 

[Donewith_]

This is awful.. and i'm sorry you are hurting so bad.
And as said above.. its better to take help from them.
Is there a option for you to stay away from that place for a while.. staying there itself might trigger some bad memories.. you'll repeat all those memories, abuse you've faced in your head..which is even worse. And might end up imagining things that are not there..feel even worse.
Its very difficult when you hate a person yet want them at the same time.. may be only time can answer that.
As for now..don't let yourself face all that abuse. It is abuse.. not love. Or may be..reach out to poilce to stop him from contacting you.. when abuse stops.. you can get clarity of mind really and think.

Hope this situation will get better.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I just want to say ive been to the guards and applied for a safety order...been talking with adapt and woman's aid as well as my doctor's,nurses and sometimes suicide helplines....anyone who will listen really

It does not make a difference he just wont stop...im nearly home i feel sick to my stomach to what i have to face when im back

All i wanted was one nice trip for my kids and I wish i didn't bother now....in the same way i dont see what i did wrong to him,i understand he hurting but so am i. I just feel he is determined to ruin me and finish me.

He can be stupid thou like last night he said he was going for custody of kids then txt he was drinking taking tabs and coke. He surely has no hope to get kids i dont know

I hope things improve if not i am ending it i hav had enough i just hope my children will be ok.

I love the support i get here but sometimes as many of us here feel, wel i think some here do. Just the fact that irl we dont have anyone....