Story My life

[Pengu]

Hello everyone, I am new to this site infact this is my first post. I just wanna share how I ended up here and what my life has been like for the past 18 years. I had a decent childhood until I moved states. I was a chubby kid and I got bullied for it. Kids would call me fat and give me nicknames. They would run away from me whenever I would try to play with them and treat me like I was some zombie.i would get pushed and one time I even got hit with a guys shoe. I was young and didn't know what bullying and fat shaming meant so it become normal to me. This continued for almost 6 years until they all moved states and I got busy with my own life and studies. I started forgetting everything and eventhough deep down it still hurt I never thought it would affect my adulthood. I started having panic attacks and had severe anxiety. I fell into depression and tried to deny it for almost 2 years. I finally got diagnosed with mdd and ocd in December 2022 and have been on medications since. Honestly I don't have any motivation to live, even mundane chorus like brushing my teeth and showering is very hard. I have social anxiety and a very low self esteem. I have repetitive thoughts of sh'ing and ctb. I grew up in an asian household and my dad was really strict on me . He would shout at me on a regular basis and one time he even pushed me on the bed and hit me. I am looking forward with sharing more with u all but that's it for now. <3
XOXO
Pengu

Hello everyone, I am new to this site infact this is my first post. I just wanna share how I ended up here and what my life has been like for the past 18 years. I had a decent childhood until I moved states. I was a chubby kid and I got bullied for it. Kids would call me fat and give me nicknames. They would run away from me whenever I would try to play with them and treat me like I was some zombie.i would get pushed and one time I even got hit with a guys shoe. I was young and didn't know what bullying and fat shaming meant so it become normal to me. This continued for almost 6 years until they all moved states and I got busy with my own life and studies. I started forgetting everything and eventhough deep down it still hurt I never thought it would affect my adulthood. I started having panic attacks and had severe anxiety. I stopped eating and would starve myself for days. I fell into depression and tried to deny it for almost 2 years. I finally got diagnosed with mdd and ocd in December 2022 and have been on medications since. Honestly I don't have any motivation to live, even mundane chorus like brushing my teeth and showering is very hard. I have social anxiety and a very low self esteem. I have repetitive thoughts of sh'ing and ctb. I grew up in an asian household and my dad was really strict on me . He would shout at me on a regular basis and one time he even pushed me on the bed and hit me. I am looking forward with sharing more with u all but that's it for now. <3
XOXO
Pengu

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

ah yes, the asian household, it either makes a genius (that has mental issues) or it produces someone with mental issues. My parents rolled the dice on my ass, and luckily, i turned out well. Well, i would like to think i am Intelligent and that can adapt to situations very easy. All at the cost of my ass being stressed out all the time. Ah well, take care love.

 

[Pengu]

ah yes, the asian household, it either makes a genius (that has mental issues) or it produces someone with mental issues. My parents rolled the dice on my ass, and luckily, i turned out well. Well, i would like to think i am Intelligent and that can adapt to situations very easy. All at the cost of my ass being stressed out all the time. Ah well, take care love.

They forced me to join cram school since 8th grade TvT. So I would be at my regular school till 3:30pm and would have to reach cram school by 4pm and stay there till 9pm.... then I would have to self study and due to this I developed ocd. I would repeat my actions till I had done them perfectly. I am on medications now so it's controlled but still sucks to have repetitive thoughts and read and write the same thing like 10 times.... btw I am not a native speaker so my English sucks T^T

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

They forced me to join cram school since 8th grade TvT. So I would be at my regular school till 3:30pm and would have to reach cram school by 4pm and stay there till 9pm.... then I would have to self study and due to this I developed ocd. I would repeat my actions till I had done them perfectly. I am on medications now so it's controlled but still sucks to have repetitive thoughts and read and write the same thing like 10 times.... btw I am not a native speaker so my English sucks T^T

did you at least do well on your collage entrance exams?

 

[Pengu]

did you at least do well on your collage entrance exams?

I bombed it :D and I am repeating 12th....

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

I bombed it :D and I am repeating 12th....

oh no, i'm so sorry...

 

[Pengu]

oh no, i'm so sorry...

It's fine I am going to try my best this time since I am kinda stable now.

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

It's fine I am going to try my best this time since I am kinda stable now.

if it makes you feel any better, i went from a 1100 sat score junior year to entering collage with 1440 SAT and a 31 ACT, anything is possible.

oh also, when you unlock Dm's dm me, id'e like to keep up with you, you seam to be in the same position i was in a few years back.

 

[Pengu]

if it makes you feel any better, i went from a 1100 sat score junior year to entering collage with 1440 SAT and a 31 ACT, anything is possible.

oh also, when you unlock Dm's dm me, id'e like to keep up with you, you seam to be in the same position i was in a few years back.

Oki

 

[FuneralCry]

Life really is so unnecessarily cruel, and it's awful how humans can be so insensitive and just create more problems. It sounds really tiring what you've had to endure and I just think it's true that there is no real relief from suffering in this world. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[TheSadStranger]

Hello everyone, I am new to this site infact this is my first post. I just wanna share how I ended up here and what my life has been like for the past 18 years. I had a decent childhood until I moved states. I was a chubby kid and I got bullied for it. Kids would call me fat and give me nicknames. They would run away from me whenever I would try to play with them and treat me like I was some zombie.i would get pushed and one time I even got hit with a guys shoe. I was young and didn't know what bullying and fat shaming meant so it become normal to me. This continued for almost 6 years until they all moved states and I got busy with my own life and studies. I started forgetting everything and eventhough deep down it still hurt I never thought it would affect my adulthood. I started having panic attacks and had severe anxiety. I fell into depression and tried to deny it for almost 2 years. I finally got diagnosed with mdd and ocd in December 2022 and have been on medications since. Honestly I don't have any motivation to live, even mundane chorus like brushing my teeth and showering is very hard. I have social anxiety and a very low self esteem. I have repetitive thoughts of sh'ing and ctb. I grew up in an asian household and my dad was really strict on me . He would shout at me on a regular basis and one time he even pushed me on the bed and hit me. I am looking forward with sharing more with u all but that's it for now. <3
XOXO
Pengu

I can feel you I had a very very rough childhood as well. I know what it's like to be abused. I know what it's like to have not have any motivation in life. For me I think there was only a 9 month window were I was truly happy, but like most of the good moments in my life it was short lived. For my story however my story ends in about in a maximum of 13 months. I don't have a choice to continue the rest of my life. I don't have the rest of my life ahead of me. You however are blessed with a choice. Yeah not everyone gets to ride off into the sunset. Not everyone gets a happy ending. However if you give up now how will you know if things get better. "...that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit..." I've pursued happiness all of my life. I've never had a dream until last year. I reached happiness and my dream was almost in my grasp, but it was not to be. Happiness is a pursuit and it may or may not pay off, but if you don't try you won't reach it. I implore you to consider exploring what life has to offer.

(Sorry about the wall of text I'm just speaking from the heart)

 

[Pengu]

I can feel you I had a very very rough childhood as well. I know what it's like to be abused. I know what it's like to have not have any motivation in life. For me I think there was only a 9 month window were I was truly happy, but like most of the good moments in my life it was short lived. For my story however my story ends in about in a maximum of 13 months. I don't have a choice to continue the rest of my life. I don't have the rest of my life ahead of me. You however are blessed with a choice. Yeah not everyone gets to ride off into the sunset. Not everyone gets a happy ending. However if you give up now how will you know if things get better. "...that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit..." I've pursued happiness all of my life. I've never had a dream until last year. I reached happiness and my dream was almost in my grasp, but it was not to be. Happiness is a pursuit and it may or may not pay off, but if you don't try you won't reach it. I implore you to consider exploring what life has to offer.

(Sorry about the wall of text I'm just speaking from the heart)

I am so sorry that went through childhood abuse too. Some people are cruel and don't understand the gravity of their actions. I am giving life another shot and this time I will try my best and study well . Thankyou for being so supportive

 

[TheSadStranger]

I am so sorry that went through childhood abuse too. Some people are cruel and don't understand the gravity of their actions. I am giving life another shot and this time I will try my best and study well . Thankyou for being so supportive

I'm so glad to hear it. I hope you have a bright future ahead of you. When times are tough make sure you take some time to clear your head before making your next decision. Stay strong and stay safe.