etrnllxid
blunt
- Aug 9, 2023
- 52
One action, One action and I would've never suffered this life. I was told by my mother that I was supposed to be aborted and from my father that my conception trapped him in a relationship. When I heard this I wasn't shocked or sad, Instead I was silently seething. I was so close… So close to not having to live this pointless existence. When my mom had her ultrasound the nurse said her stupid shtick to my mother saying me as a sonogram was the cutest baby she had ever seen. And when my mother confided her plan's with me she reiterated that I was handsome as some sort of way to persuade her.
Who knows if it had some effect but I was born into a two addict household with four to a room with cousins sleeping over and whoever parents would dump their kids with us the entire summer. Cockroaches and bedbugs infesting everything from the cabinet and drawers in our room to the cereal boxes. There was no cable, we had second rate furniture and my father literally dumpster diving our complex's dumpster instead of spending money on his family. I was starving and I would have to take canned foods from school infront of all my classmates, but it's no surprise I was broke. I had been wearing the same shoes with holes and beat laces for the entire school year up. I was ridiculed at one point but that stopped suddenly one day. And I can only guess my teacher had talked to my classmates about my situation but I would get stares still. I would continue to have two pairs of shoes and cycling 5 outfits a school year up until freshman year of highschool.
Nonetheless, I grew up in a negligent household as the youngest child. Apparently this was nothing new as before my conception my parents would leave my siblings unattended which would later lead to a child molester assaulting my sibling and my brother having to run away out of fear to get help, the act was discovered by a neighbor but the damage was done. And the only reason why I talk about this is because my sibling (sister) would go on to later do the same to me, Isolating me and performing acts on me this stopped as they developed a conscious around the time I hit 5th grade.
Was around the time I figured out I was neurodivergent aswell although no one in my household acknowledge's it. It's like it's taboo to talk about unless they want to insult me lol, my father calling me a retard..my mother.. my siblings my aunts etc.
Forgot to mention my dad has been arrested multiple times in domestic charges, from choking my mother in her sleep to bursting in our room at 1am to start punching my sister which prompted me, in my underwear to jump off the top my bunk bed to run to wake my mother.
Everyone has their own way of coping and my siblings would play music up until it was time to go to school, if I begged them to stop at let me sleep I would simply be told to shut the fuck up. Which prompted me to sleep in class, another thing that is my parents loved to throw parties! up until 1am+ ! factoring those two making me sleep in class along with my shitty grades would have me put into a meeting.
In this meeting I wasn't supposed to attend my father insisted that I attend. My principles and my teachers all in one room, they asked me why do I act the way I do and "what's wrong?" All I could do was laugh and not make eye contact. I'm not even sure why I laughed maybe it was the high stress environment but I remember fighting so hard to keep it down, but I literally couldn't. The school suggested a physiological evaluation. It's some funny story in my family that which I went to a facility with clearly mental kids making noises to hitting themselves and I asked my parents "what am I doing here?" that usually cracks them up but I masked really well in that interview and went home supposedly normal.
My father would also get finessed out of his money by girls ACROSS THE GLOBE and have an affair which my mother would make me check his phone and give her updates, turning me into the middle man. The worst part about this was I used to get rides from my father from school and the neighborhood kids would hitch rides but who would've guessed? my father shipped his car and moved to africa to live with his girlfriend.
We went homeless and lived at a shelter for two months of which my mother had to substances in her system which was the best I've seen her since she was working hard to get us out of that.
I used to cope that the book I would write about my life would be the greatest rise to fame ever seen, but there's no chance I'll ever since I was born without talent.
I had a school therapist and since I graduated I decided to take a look at my old records, full of outbursts initially then calming down to self isolating. I never could hurt anyone unwilling despite that there's still people who have me no option but to fight.
I'm tired and empty, and want to die and this isn't the full extent of my life, tired of editing and this is the first time anyone's heard of this ever. All of this could've been prevented if I hadn't been born.
Who knows if it had some effect but I was born into a two addict household with four to a room with cousins sleeping over and whoever parents would dump their kids with us the entire summer. Cockroaches and bedbugs infesting everything from the cabinet and drawers in our room to the cereal boxes. There was no cable, we had second rate furniture and my father literally dumpster diving our complex's dumpster instead of spending money on his family. I was starving and I would have to take canned foods from school infront of all my classmates, but it's no surprise I was broke. I had been wearing the same shoes with holes and beat laces for the entire school year up. I was ridiculed at one point but that stopped suddenly one day. And I can only guess my teacher had talked to my classmates about my situation but I would get stares still. I would continue to have two pairs of shoes and cycling 5 outfits a school year up until freshman year of highschool.
Nonetheless, I grew up in a negligent household as the youngest child. Apparently this was nothing new as before my conception my parents would leave my siblings unattended which would later lead to a child molester assaulting my sibling and my brother having to run away out of fear to get help, the act was discovered by a neighbor but the damage was done. And the only reason why I talk about this is because my sibling (sister) would go on to later do the same to me, Isolating me and performing acts on me this stopped as they developed a conscious around the time I hit 5th grade.
Was around the time I figured out I was neurodivergent aswell although no one in my household acknowledge's it. It's like it's taboo to talk about unless they want to insult me lol, my father calling me a retard..my mother.. my siblings my aunts etc.
Forgot to mention my dad has been arrested multiple times in domestic charges, from choking my mother in her sleep to bursting in our room at 1am to start punching my sister which prompted me, in my underwear to jump off the top my bunk bed to run to wake my mother.
Everyone has their own way of coping and my siblings would play music up until it was time to go to school, if I begged them to stop at let me sleep I would simply be told to shut the fuck up. Which prompted me to sleep in class, another thing that is my parents loved to throw parties! up until 1am+ ! factoring those two making me sleep in class along with my shitty grades would have me put into a meeting.
In this meeting I wasn't supposed to attend my father insisted that I attend. My principles and my teachers all in one room, they asked me why do I act the way I do and "what's wrong?" All I could do was laugh and not make eye contact. I'm not even sure why I laughed maybe it was the high stress environment but I remember fighting so hard to keep it down, but I literally couldn't. The school suggested a physiological evaluation. It's some funny story in my family that which I went to a facility with clearly mental kids making noises to hitting themselves and I asked my parents "what am I doing here?" that usually cracks them up but I masked really well in that interview and went home supposedly normal.
My father would also get finessed out of his money by girls ACROSS THE GLOBE and have an affair which my mother would make me check his phone and give her updates, turning me into the middle man. The worst part about this was I used to get rides from my father from school and the neighborhood kids would hitch rides but who would've guessed? my father shipped his car and moved to africa to live with his girlfriend.
We went homeless and lived at a shelter for two months of which my mother had to substances in her system which was the best I've seen her since she was working hard to get us out of that.
I used to cope that the book I would write about my life would be the greatest rise to fame ever seen, but there's no chance I'll ever since I was born without talent.
I had a school therapist and since I graduated I decided to take a look at my old records, full of outbursts initially then calming down to self isolating. I never could hurt anyone unwilling despite that there's still people who have me no option but to fight.
I'm tired and empty, and want to die and this isn't the full extent of my life, tired of editing and this is the first time anyone's heard of this ever. All of this could've been prevented if I hadn't been born.
I badly wish you didn't have to go through such unbearable suffering. I can relate a lot to growing up in a broken home full of poverty, my parents were heavily addicted to alcohol, weed and opioids. There were times were I went hungry and had no clue where my next meal would come from, and for part of my childhood the 4 of us lived in a 1 room tiny house with no kitchen. I've lived in a house that was falling apart with barely working electricity and mold, spiders and mice everywhere. You didn't deserve any of that whatsoever, not the abuse from your parents or sister, not being called a retard by your family, not being ridiculed at school and not being kept awake at late hours of the night because of the parties and music. That must have been so incredibly taxing on your development and your mind. I wish I had better words. Sending you so many hugs and so much love
