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I'm coloured, migrant trans woman. Few years ago, I fled my country to somewhere safer. In her last days, my mom told me I'd find my way out, that I'd survive. Finding refuge, after a lifetime of suffering was literally my sole chance. Beside all the marginalities I mentioned, I have serious mental health issues, I'm severely BPD; few years back, I had a severe depressive episode, I ended up cutting myself. Someone close told me then, to kill myself, that -no matter how I try- it's only miserable and poor quality life I'd have; the prophecy is coming true and now I'm unable to work, frozen love life, powerless to undo the damage and loads of complicated traumas.
Few weeks back, I had a lucid dream, my brother who hid himself with the intention of suicide since 2017 and never appeared again – it's in our blood- came to me, he said 'I fell. I suffered a lot, but now I'm free' I felt his voice vibrations deep in my heart, my heart then stopped for at least 30 seconds, I knew I was passing away, I blacked-out. I never believed I'd wake up again! I wasn't frightened either. It was a signal.
I really don't want to ctb, but if it's destined I can't challenge it.
***
Excuse me if there are errors, English isn't my first language.
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further posts to be followed
I'm coloured, migrant trans woman. Few years ago, I fled my country to somewhere safer. In her last days, my mom told me I'd find my way out, that I'd survive. Finding refuge, after a lifetime of suffering was literally my sole chance. Beside all the marginalities I mentioned, I have serious mental health issues, I'm severely BPD; few years back, I had a severe depressive episode, I ended up cutting myself. Someone close told me then, to kill myself, that -no matter how I try- it's only miserable and poor quality life I'd have; the prophecy is coming true and now I'm unable to work, frozen love life, powerless to undo the damage and loads of complicated traumas.
Few weeks back, I had a lucid dream, my brother who hid himself with the intention of suicide since 2017 and never appeared again – it's in our blood- came to me, he said 'I fell. I suffered a lot, but now I'm free' I felt his voice vibrations deep in my heart, my heart then stopped for at least 30 seconds, I knew I was passing away, I blacked-out. I never believed I'd wake up again! I wasn't frightened either. It was a signal.
I really don't want to ctb, but if it's destined I can't challenge it.
***
Excuse me if there are errors, English isn't my first language.
-----------------------------------------------
further posts to be followed
