My life isn't that bad

[deadwithoutmusic]

Reading a lot of the posts here about what people have went through in their childhood and how they're suffering makes me feel guilty that I've had it pretty good most of my life and still want to ctb. My childhood was relatively normal, my parents were alright, I had/have friends, I'm relatively "successful" but at the moment struggling really hard to be productive. But now I lack purpose, feel empty and sad when I'm not desperately trying to distract myself with video games and just can't stand the effort required in life, it's so draining and all just pointless to me. There's more that I won't go into but It almost feels like I don't have the right to ctb and I should just get over it. I think my family and most people who know me will probably be shocked that I have suicidal thoughts often. I only recently managed to get myself to start seeing a therapist but I'm unsure if it will even help me before it's too late.

 

[nitroautnz]

Reading a lot of the posts here about what people have went through in their childhood and how they're suffering makes me feel guilty that I've had it pretty good most of my life and still want to ctb. My childhood was relatively normal, my parents were alright, I had/have friends, I'm relatively "successful" but at the moment struggling really hard to be productive. But now I lack purpose, feel empty and sad when I'm not desperately trying to distract myself with video games and just can't stand the effort required in life, it's so draining and all just pointless to me. There's more that I won't go into but It almost feels like I don't have the right to ctb and I should just get over it. I think my family and most people who know me will probably be shocked that I have suicidal thoughts often. I only recently managed to get myself to start seeing a therapist but I'm unsure if it will even help me before it's too late.

You dont have to feel bad about it, everyone see life through is own eyes. I did have a relatively happy childhood considering or i should have been happy, i always been solitary, depress and suicidal even if i learn to be good at hiding it, nobody in my family notice that i was autist or suicidal/depress.
You choose what's best for you, nobody will judge you here

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

You dont have to feel bad about it, everyone see life through is own eyes. I did have a relatively happy childhood considering or i should have been happy, i always been solitary, depress and suicidal even if i learn to be good at hiding it, nobody in my family notice that i was autist or suicidal/depress.
You choose what's best for you, nobody will judge you here

Thank you, that means a lot hearing that.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

people can still suffer regardless of how "good" their life is. everybody has their struggles, and they're valid. everybody has the right to ctb.

i hope all goes well with your therapist.

 

[Skymaiden]

I can totally relate. As such when people look at me they just assume I'm okay because 'I'm doing great' by society's standards. But you cant imagine how many times I have wanted to just jump out of the window of my 10th story apartment. I'm avoiding cbt cuz I'm scared people will judge me after my death. You know, say "Why would xyz do this, there was no reason or noting wrong with their life"
But the reality is that I just feel so empty, that the person who should have lived on died inside long ago. I'm just living for the sake of it with no plus side. I mean I know the pain I feel is real but I cant help feeling guilty about being so weak, when others suffer so much more.

 

[deadwithoutmusic]

I can totally relate. As such when people look at me they just assume I'm okay because 'I'm doing great' by society's standards. But you cant imagine how many times I have wanted to just jump out of the window of my 10th story apartment. I'm avoiding cbt cuz I'm scared people will judge me after my death. You know, say "Why would xyz do this, there was no reason or noting wrong with their life"
But the reality is that I just feel so empty, that the person who should have lived on died inside long ago. I'm just living for the sake of it with no plus side. I mean I know the pain I feel is real but I cant help feeling guilty about being so weak, when others suffer so much more.

That is so relatable. You captured how I feel very well. I think I have come to peace with how I feel and accepted it. Everyone suffers differently and has their own problems. This world is incredibly difficult to live in no matter your circumstances. The people who have it worse and still want to live, maybe life is for them and they must enjoy some parts of it or have something to live for such as family, their work, friends, or whatever they find meaning in. But for me I don't have any purpose or meaning driving me in life and it's all just empty and life is just not for me and that's just how it is.