My life is so depressing

[FuneralCry]

This is basically the same as my last thread, but I am only writing this as I cannot sleep. The truth is that life is just suffering and there is nothing good about being alive. I am stuck with the same thoughts and feelings, misery, hopelessness and dread. There is no other option for me apart from suicide, there is nothing else for me. Many things that bring others enjoyment just cause me pain, listening to music makes tinnitus worse, eating food is an monotonous chore that I dread. The only thing that I can write about is how much I hate all of this. Every forced conversation I have with someone in real life just makes me die even more inside. All I am doing is waiting for the end. I hate how we were forced here without choice and have to live this life. Life is completely unnecessary.

It has nearly been a year since the worst month of my life. That time seems almost like a dream. That was when I was closest to leaving, but of course I am still here, I have had another pointless year of doing nothing. I miss crying away the pain, which is what I did years ago. Because I did it so much, I am now unable to.

Eventually this life will be gone, I will take control and end all my suffering. I will finally be at peace instead of making many posts about wishing I was not here. I do not see death as sad, to me death is wonderful as we do not experience anything. Instead what is sad to me is the pain and suffering we all experience, it is sad how life is even a thing in the first place.

 

[Emu]

I'm sorry for your pain, everyday I'm here it kills me everyday.. I wish you well

 

[Midgardsorm]

Hi FuneralCry.

It's always good to see such a kind person like you.

I'm really sorry that you are suffering. You talked about your tinnitus before, I have it too, although mine seems completely mildly. But I know how troublesome it is.
You are always so compassionate towards other members, It makes me really sad knowing that you are suffering so much.

My belief is that Death is mainly a savior to some extent. It comes in our darkest hour and delivers us to ultimate peace. So shall it be, for all of us.
About the worst month of you life. I'll prefer that you keep these thoughts away from you as possible.

For now. I bid you a nice rest, as good as it can be.

Please, be well, FuneralCry. Know that you can reach out for us, if you ever feel the need to vent.

 

[ClownMe]

I feel your pain. Life is nothing but pain and I wish I had have been aborted so that I could have stayed in the void of eternal nothingness forever.

 

[NormaJeane]

We are only here because our parents had children, we only suffer because our ancestors had children. We did not create ourselves but we have to live with ourselves. Life is very unfair.

 

[Midgardsorm]

"Mimimimimimi what need to deal with the Suicide Epidemic"

Yes, we do. We also have to deal with 'Birth Epidemic' first.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Some lives are just not worth living. There is no shame in throwing in the towel early. Death is coming regardless. Suicide is just going out on your own terms, instead of waiting around.

I am familiar with the background stories of everyone who has posted in this thread so far. We all have real, life long problems that won't simply go away with wishful thinking. I just don't get why people are so obsessed with prolonging the suffering of complete strangers. Just let them find peace.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I love reading that. It makes me feel not alone

 

[Sakura94]

Make all the posts you need to. This is probably the only place on the internet you can. Even imageboards this stuff is reported.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I'm sorry @FuneralCry for your pain and sufferings. You are so kind and I always like reading your post. I'm sorry life couldn't be fulfilling and something you desire. I agree life is incredibly painful and so much suffering, it can be pleasurable for some however miserable for others. I like reading your post because it reminds me that I'm not the only one who views the world the same however I hate knowing another being also has to suffer

 

[Bot]

i can relate too well.. i hope we all find the peace we deserve and meanwhile it's the best to not procreate so no more have to endure this..

 

[MeltedJello]

Thank you for your posts @FuneralCry They help me relax, and reminds me that I'm not alone with the same thoughts. I'm so sorry you experience this much pain, and suffering all the time. I know my words may not mean much to you, but I really hope you can find the peace, and sleep that you deserve.

 

[obliviousatbest]

I'm sorry the world has poured its misery on you OP. Life is so tiresome and futile, but realise you've had a positive impact on a lot of people here that can recognise your suffering and find peace that we're not alone in this. It's hell to live inbetween worlds like that and with a consciousness riddled with melancholia and the endless regret of being. Wishing that peace comes to you in whichever way you need

 

[Pluto]

I wish I could take some of your burdens to make getting through this day a bit easier, especially as you are always showing so much understanding for others. Wishing you peace always.

 

[rationaltake]

@FuneralCry. I'm sorry your life has been pure misery. I have tinnitus too. I wish you the peace you long for.

 

[Vex]

This is basically the same as my last thread, but I am only writing this as I cannot sleep. The truth is that life is just suffering and there is nothing good about being alive. I am stuck with the same thoughts and feelings, misery, hopelessness and dread. There is no other option for me apart from suicide, there is nothing else for me. Many things that bring others enjoyment just cause me pain, listening to music makes tinnitus worse, eating food is an monotonous chore that I dread. The only thing that I can write about is how much I hate all of this. Every forced conversation I have with someone in real life just makes me die even more inside. All I am doing is waiting for the end. I hate how we were forced here without choice and have to live this life. Life is completely unnecessary.

It has nearly been a year since the worst month of my life. That time seems almost like a dream. That was when I was closest to leaving, but of course I am still here, I have had another pointless year of doing nothing. I miss crying away the pain, which is what I did years ago. Because I did it so much, I am now unable to.

Eventually this life will be gone, I will take control and end all my suffering. I will finally be at peace instead of making many posts about wishing I was not here. I do not see death as sad, to me death is wonderful as we do not experience anything. Instead what is sad to me is the pain and suffering we all experience, it is sad how life is even a thing in the first place.

I used to tell a friend of mine that a person that truly hates themselves and wants to suffer would make sure that they lived for as long as possible. That they would put themselves through the misery of a monotonous existence day in and day out for decades at a time. That that was the only true way to torture a non deserving existence, and that if somebody loved themselves then they would have the mercy of ending their life.

I remember I got a call in the middle of the night a few years ago and the person on the other line told me that my friend had just caught the bus.

After screaming wordlessly in the dark for a few moments I hopped into my car and headed into the office we worked at so that I could fulfill my end of the promise we made to each other to clean out each other's desks and to delete each other's browsing histories in case something like this happened.

I often wonder if my friend learned to love themselves that night.

 

[IsThisReal]

@FuneralCry I am sorry that you are feeling stuck like that. I myself have severe tinnitus and it is the reason I am here, I feel stuck in a prison all by my self. I hope your tinnitus is not as bad as mine. However you seem to have hyper acusis which is very challenging on its own...

@Vex Wow that is absolutly true for many, since one tends to develop a victim identity out of suffering and it can seem lucrative to stick to it and feed it with more suffering. It is interesting that I was thinking about that yesterday, since my mother was telling me on the phone that I reminded her of her sister, who always complains about her health issues and thinks that the issues of others are not as severe. My aunt does indeed complain just for the purpose of assuring her victim identity and she seems to enjoy it, she has been doing that for decades. However, I am in no way comparable to her, since I am seriously considering ending it and couldn't care less about what people think of me.

 

[Zzzzz]

I believe I feel similar. Just constant suffering the same pointless shit all day every day. There are no words to describe how difficult it really is.

 

[Vex]

@FuneralCry I am sorry that you are feeling stuck like that. I myself have severe tinnitus and it is the reason I am here, I feel stuck in a prison all by my self. I hope your tinnitus is not as bad as mine. However you seem to have hyper acusis which is very challenging on its own...

@Vex Wow that is absolutly true for many, since one tends to develop a victim identity out of suffering and it can seem lucrative to stick to it and feed it with more suffering. It is interesting that I was thinking about that yesterday, since my mother was telling me on the phone that I reminded her of her sister, who always complains about her health issues and thinks that the issues of others are not as severe. My aunt does indeed complain just for the purpose of assuring her victim identity and she seems to enjoy it, she has been doing that for decades. However, I am in no way comparable to her, since I am seriously considering ending it and couldn't care less about what people think of me.

That's a very good observation!

My friend was very confused, and for good reason, when I told them that self-hate was keeping me from catching the bus. My reasoning is that on a fundamental level for reasons that I cannot adequately explain I feel like I am a terrible person who deserves every punishment the world imposes on me. Maybe it is because I'm taking up the space in the universe that would have otherwise been allotted to a person more deserving. Or maybe because when I look in the mirror I see just another selfish animal ready to bite and claw my way through those weaker than me. It's very stupid but emotions aren't known to be logical.

And what is the worst punishment for someone who just wants it all to end and be at peace?

To prolong the suffering as long as possible by living.

My philosophy is dumbassery of the highest order, but it has kept me alive and I've began to accept myself as a better person.

 

[Pluto]

My aunt does indeed complain just for the purpose of assuring her victim identity and she seems to enjoy it, she has been doing that for decades. However, I am in no way comparable to her, since I am seriously considering ending it and couldn't care less about what people think of me.

Munchausen syndrome. I had a friend who was exactly the same. Suspiciously disinterested in genuine solutions but loves to compete in the misery olympics. Obviously these people are just wanting attention; the grown-up version of a baby crying because it wants to be picked up. I doubt someone like that would want to go anywhere near this website.

 

[bed]

I resonate with almost everything you say. Life is just miserable.

 

[chocolatebar]

And I'm sure people often tell you that you suffer from some mental disease, while it's most likely the other way around, because it takes an irrational mind to enjoy life.

I used to tell a friend of mine that a person that truly hates themselves and wants to suffer would make sure that they lived for as long as possible. That they would put themselves through the misery of a monotonous existence day in and day out for decades at a time. That that was the only true way to torture a non deserving existence, and that if somebody loved themselves then they would have the mercy of ending their life.

I remember I got a call in the middle of the night a few years ago and the person on the other line told me that my friend had just caught the bus.

After screaming wordlessly in the dark for a few moments I hopped into my car and headed into the office we worked at so that I could fulfill my end of the promise we made to each other to clean out each other's desks and to delete each other's browsing histories in case something like this happened.

I often wonder if my friend learned to love themselves that night.

Did you feel guilty for what happened? I think I wouldn't be able to overcome it if it happened to me.

 

[Ch92921]

Mine, too. I only exist cause of SI.

 

[Vex]

And I'm sure people often tell you that you suffer from some mental disease, while it's most likely the other way around, because it takes an irrational mind to enjoy life.


Did you feel guilty for what happened? I think I wouldn't be able to overcome it if it happened to me.

I feel immense guilt still, three years later. Mainly because I did have a hand in it. That day they came into work and we had just taken over a new department and got our own office together. I could tell something was off that day and they were feeling down so I gave them 4 mg of clonazepam and 2 mg of Alprazolam.

I explained the effects of anterograde amnesia and stressed to try and not lose their temper because benzodiazepines will cause you to go berserk if you actually do get angry.

We aughed when I said, "You won't even remember what happened today!"

After work they went home, got into an argument, and went on a date with their rifle.

After that everyone at work thought I was handling it well. My work did not suffer, in fact I was even more productive mainly because I didn't do anything besides come to work, go home, and go to sleep.

I lost 70 lbs in 4 months.

On the outside I was doing better than I had ever done, I looked terrific and my work output tripled.

I'm still dealing with the guilt but as with all things even that can fade over time.

 

[chocolatebar]

Sorry for all this. You must be so strong, because I wouldn't be able to handle all that. And I hope I didn't bring hurtful memories to you.

as with all things even that can fade over time

this sentence just hit so hard. I realized I never actually dealt with anything in my life and just have let things fade away. Now, I'm the one fading away...

 

[Vex]

It is not fair to yourself to minimize the issues you face. Just because you do not think what you were facing is on par with what others have gone through does not mean that your problems are not substantial. As long as there is a single spark left, you have not faded away, and remember, a blaze can start from a single dull ember. ❤

Sorry for all this. You must be so strong, because I wouldn't be able to handle all that. And I hope I didn't bring hurtful memories to you.

this sentence just hit so hard. I realized I never actually dealt with anything in my life and just have let things fade away. Now, I'm the one fading away...

 

[motel rooms]

As long as there is a single spark left, you have not faded away, and remember, a blaze can start from a single dull ember.

My philosophy is dumbassery of the highest order, but it has kept me alive and I've began to accept myself as a better person.

Are you suicidal?

 

[Vex]

Are you suicidal?

Yes, but I'm trying to stay alive.

 

[motel rooms]

Yes, but I'm trying to stay alive.

You joined this particular forum because you think it will help you stay alive?

 

[Vex]

You joined this particular forum because you think it will help you stay alive?

I joined because I believe in a a person's right to die and the belief in engaging in meaningful and supportive dialogue in a safe space created to discuss that right.