I used to be a very nice person. I was a little dumb and had a lack of social awareness and maybe some emotional intelligence but I was still pretty normal. I loved to have fun with people and have friends. And then I got yelled at and beaten. I was forced to go to church and stuff like that. So I learn to kind of distance myself from people. Got yelled at again. Then I get to like middle school. Something happens and I start laughing anytime my friend does something. Why? I dunno, when you're afraid you do stupid things.
Get to highschool and I start miming for people out of fear. Got yelled at my freshman year and the next day got yelled at. I broke. Then later AP classes (lots of them), more insulting and yelling at me, being forced into an after school club, having to walk home many, many times, more abuse, yelling, insulting, AP classes, homework, stress. But you know gotta keep that smile.
One time in school my friend was about to step on a butterfly and I saved it. I picked it up and let it fly off. He said I was a nice person. I wonder if I should have just let him put it out of its misery.
School finally ends and I'm so glad to be out of there. Wanna take a break after highschool, get some rest maybe. Then I snap and walk barefoot to a lake to drown myself. On my way there the cops arrest me and bring me back home.
Then I get a job as an intern at a community college. It was ok, I put on my mask so nobody could see the real me. Afterward I wanna get some rest, take a break. But then I'm forced into college. I say, "Well I'm not really ready-" But I'm forced in there anyway. I have no idea what I'm doing. At this point I have no idea what I'm doing. Something about math and taking pictures. Gotta get a camera and books but we're broke so I have no money.
Too afraid to tell mom about it so I snap one day. I just stop going to classes. I pretend I go to classes but I don't. Then mom finds out. We go over to the front desk one day and the lady is looking all mad me. I bend down to tie my shoe lace and she's all like "Sir" with like that angry face. She's pretty young, too like in her 20s. I wear my mask. I learned to wear my mask around people. Gotta stay as chill as possible. I tell the lady about what happened. She makes some kind of disappointed/snarky remark. Mom goes, "What? *confused giggle*"
We go home to the motel. And then all kinds of unholy evil things happen because of me. I do terrible things out of fear and instinct which I will not name.
We move 2 years later to Virginia. Then we get here to our apartment. I still haven't learned my lesson and all kinds of anger and arguments break out. It stops and finally now it's the year 2024. I've finally woken up and my mind is clearer than before. I'm a better person, after all these years I finally FINALLY understand all the rules people have about life and how to treat people and self-awareness. But like it's too late I guess.
"Well you have responsibility for your actions. Take ownership." And you're right.
Get to highschool and I start miming for people out of fear. Got yelled at my freshman year and the next day got yelled at. I broke. Then later AP classes (lots of them), more insulting and yelling at me, being forced into an after school club, having to walk home many, many times, more abuse, yelling, insulting, AP classes, homework, stress. But you know gotta keep that smile.
One time in school my friend was about to step on a butterfly and I saved it. I picked it up and let it fly off. He said I was a nice person. I wonder if I should have just let him put it out of its misery.
School finally ends and I'm so glad to be out of there. Wanna take a break after highschool, get some rest maybe. Then I snap and walk barefoot to a lake to drown myself. On my way there the cops arrest me and bring me back home.
Then I get a job as an intern at a community college. It was ok, I put on my mask so nobody could see the real me. Afterward I wanna get some rest, take a break. But then I'm forced into college. I say, "Well I'm not really ready-" But I'm forced in there anyway. I have no idea what I'm doing. At this point I have no idea what I'm doing. Something about math and taking pictures. Gotta get a camera and books but we're broke so I have no money.
Too afraid to tell mom about it so I snap one day. I just stop going to classes. I pretend I go to classes but I don't. Then mom finds out. We go over to the front desk one day and the lady is looking all mad me. I bend down to tie my shoe lace and she's all like "Sir" with like that angry face. She's pretty young, too like in her 20s. I wear my mask. I learned to wear my mask around people. Gotta stay as chill as possible. I tell the lady about what happened. She makes some kind of disappointed/snarky remark. Mom goes, "What? *confused giggle*"
We go home to the motel. And then all kinds of unholy evil things happen because of me. I do terrible things out of fear and instinct which I will not name.
We move 2 years later to Virginia. Then we get here to our apartment. I still haven't learned my lesson and all kinds of anger and arguments break out. It stops and finally now it's the year 2024. I've finally woken up and my mind is clearer than before. I'm a better person, after all these years I finally FINALLY understand all the rules people have about life and how to treat people and self-awareness. But like it's too late I guess.
"Well you have responsibility for your actions. Take ownership." And you're right.
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