My life is over

[eternalflame]

If you want to live then live. I fear death too, everybody does. Wishing you the best.

 

[unkuto]

If you want to live then live. I fear death too, everybody does. Wishing you the best.

Thank you.

i do understand I cannot continue "living" but my brain is resisting and kinda fighting back against doing it.

 

[eternalflame]

Well, i'm somehow afraid of non existing, like after waking up there will be no waking up. I'm no expert and dont want to push you but if you can get SN then you are quite lucky. Wishing you the best no matter what you choose.

 

[downndone2]

I'm so sorry to hear your current situation. It's a damn shame what is going on there. I hope you are able to find some peace.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I almost have everything ready.
Got my SN today. Got meto.

I just need to get H2 blockage thing.

I was looking at Famotidine as Citademine and Tagamet replacement because both of them are not available in my country.
Do you guys think Famotidine will work? The highest dosage that is available is 40 mg per pill.

The drugs are in the same class (H2 blocker). The dose is lower because it is more potent (equivalent effect with lower dose).

I would like to add that having 99% SN in my hand made me feel so much better and finally gave me some peace.
I know that I can leave this hell anytime I want. But I'm having another problem. I can't made my mind and do it. I know I have to do it as I cannot going forward anytime and life in current conditions isn't going to be possible. But I suddenly don't want to do it anymore and want to live more than I wanted when I made this thread.
Usually when I woke up I feel pretty suicidal and hopeless and overall pretty shit. I feel like even week ago if I had SN in my hand I'd drink it without even thinking in one of these morning. But suddenly I don't want to it do it anymore when I have it.
I cannot explain it. I'm not scared. But. Fuck that will to live. Just go away...

So maybe life is worth living after all as long as you don't have to go to Ukraine as a soldier. Can you put it off for a while to see how things play out?

 

[Baatz]

I almost have everything ready.
Got my SN today. Got meto.

I just need to get H2 blockage thing.

I was looking at Famotidine as Citademine and Tagamet replacement because both of them are not available in my country.
Do you guys think Famotidine will work? The highest dosage that is available is 40 mg per pill.
The book recommend 800 mg of Tagamet and I'm kinda confused what to do with Famotidine as this medication can be working different than Tagamet and taking 20x40 mg might cause issues. Need some recommendations please!

I would like to add that having 99% SN in my hand made me feel so much better and finally gave me some peace.
I know that I can leave this hell anytime I want. But I'm having another problem. I can't made my mind and do it. I know I have to do it as I cannot going forward anytime and life in current conditions isn't going to be possible. But I suddenly don't want to do it anymore and want to live more than I wanted when I made this thread.
Usually when I woke up I feel pretty suicidal and hopeless and overall pretty shit. I feel like even week ago if I had SN in my hand I'd drink it without even thinking in one of these morning. But suddenly I don't want to it do it anymore when I have it.
I cannot explain it. I'm not scared. But. Fuck that will to live. Just go away...

I guess this is and isn't the update I was hoping for. I'm glad you feel better. I know that when I got my affairs in order last year (will, notes written for family and friends, etc.) I felt better knowing that I could go at anytime. I hope your feelings to live/fight on continue and even more so that your situation as a whole gets better.

 

[miserableforever]

Hey guys. I never though I would ever come to forum like that but I'd like to tell you my story. I'm 30 years and I small and distant region of Russia in a city with 40k pop.
Before you say anything: I'm not supporting what is going and I never did. I always voted against current government every chance I had just to get opposition in but they would just cheat remaining voices and win anyway.
I don't want to kill myself but I have no other option. I'm stuck with limited amount of money that is barely enough to last for a couple months and I lost my job. Nobody is hiring anymore because economy just collapsed in matter of days. Russia is fully isolated from outside world and internet would be next. The situation is going get so much worse than it is right now. And right now is currency crashed. Prices for food and everything skyrocketed and most of the time groceries are empty. I need a lot of meds to control my Acid Reflux and fix stomach issues. They are kinda of permanent. I always need medication against headache because if I don't take it I would get a massive migraine like headache related that is going to last for 3 days straight and no painkillers could fix it. You can't imagine how much I've been stressing and crying since February 23. I dont have any real life friends, relatives no parents. I'm completely alone and what's coming on me is unavoidable and I have no control over it. This country and everyone who left in it are doomed to starve and die in poverty. It's truly horrible. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be in Ukraine and just instantly die from something than stay here and slowly waiting for the end. I can't even run away because I live so far away in Russia and most countries closed their boarders and the ones who are not have enter restrictions. Neither do I have money to run away.

I really don't know what to do. I've read lots of posts on this forum for the past week and I've read the Peaceful Pill book. But the more I research about the more I realize that nothing that been described and posted is available in Russia. Literally nothing. Another problem is that I'm just a coward and I'm scared. I literally can't do anything and I can't stop crying because of it. I can't even properly kill myself with what is available. I really need your help guys. I promise you, I would never come to place like that if it wasn't serious. I'm old and mature enough and my problems are way serious than other people have. At least I think they are. Please suggest me something, help me to find a way out or just at least talk to me.

There are plenty of options to CTB without SN. The sad part is that you actually don't even want to die.
I can't sit here and recommend ways, knowing your situation and mindset.
It's so incredibly sad and I am so sorry, mine, and other countries don't even consider helping Russians out in this.
We all know deep down that it's not people like you who started the war. Of course not.
If I could help you in any way, I would.
Have you considered contacting another government or embassy?
There has to be some human rights organization. You're human ffs.
This makes me so mad. I live in the US. I know tons of Russians here. I'm originally from Europe, I know tons of Russians there too.
Any way you can get to the border, hoping for a lucky opportunity to make it across?
Please don't give up just yet. I mean, who am I to talk, but maybe try a few more things before committing to suicide.
If there's anything I can do for you, let me know.