Venting My life is genuinely not worth living or recovering for.

[RestlessRoseBride]

I know people have it worse but god it feels like I lost the life lottery in every aspect. I'm an ugly chick that almost everyone despised and made fun of in school. Almost every friendship I have is taken from me (we fall out, drift apart, die, etc) and it takes a toll on me. Even when I'm not getting abused at school in my childhood my stepdad was abusing me along with my mom and siblings. It's took her forever for her to leave him out since he basically had a big control of the finances in our home. Even now, when I'm 19 almost 20 and with all this stuff happening years ago, i feel like I can't heal. I'll always be ugly, no matter how much confidence i try to have for myself . I'll always be too scared to try to make friends in fear of them leaving. I'll always have to work to the bone to improve my living situation. I genuinely feel like it doesn't matter how much "better" life gets for me because:
1) "better" ain't coming and never will.
2) even if it does, it will never fix what happened to me all these years and what happened will stick with me forever.

it genuinely feels like hell, no matter what my life will be shit with my wishing and mourning for the life i could've had if things were different. I genuinely think killing myself is the only solution. sorry for being grim (and poorly written with bad grammar), I just need to get this off my chest.

 

[ChiseHatori]

You have to live life for you, not anybody else.

It's your choice in the end, and not everyone is fit to do it. But it doesn't hurt to try a little longer. CTB is very much a last resort answer - you have to be certain. There may be some enjoyment you can still squeeze out of living.

Do you have the time to find a new hobby or interest? That's something that helps me a lot.

I'm sorry that you're suffering in life right now; we're all with you.

 

[whywere]

I know people have it worse but god it feels like I lost the life lottery in every aspect. I'm an ugly chick that almost everyone despised and made fun of in school. Almost every friendship I have is taken from me (we fall out, drift apart, die, etc) and it takes a toll on me. Even when I'm not getting abused at school in my childhood my stepdad was abusing me along with my mom and siblings. It's took her forever for her to leave him out since he basically had a big control of the finances in our home. Even now, when I'm 19 almost 20 and with all this stuff happening years ago, i feel like I can't heal. I'll always be ugly, no matter how much confidence i try to have for myself . I'll always be too scared to try to make friends in fear of them leaving. I'll always have to work to the bone to improve my living situation. I genuinely feel like it doesn't matter how much "better" life gets for me because:
1) "better" ain't coming and never will.
2) even if it does, it will never fix what happened to me all these years and what happened will stick with me forever.

it genuinely feels like hell, no matter what my life will be shit with my wishing and mourning for the life i could've had if things were different. I genuinely think killing myself is the only solution. sorry for being grim (and poorly written with bad grammar), I just need to get this off my chest.

Your thread both broke my heart and spoke volumes on human nature, as far as how folks can be such jerks to great and loving souls, like YOU.

I mention this all the time, it is kind of a benchmark for me, as far as being 68, I have some or a lot depends on I guess, life experience. Also, it is all over SaSu about how I grew up and started out, I will just say rough. Yes, even after all these years being called "the mistake" by my "parents" and having them kick me out at 18 and never hearing from them again ever, 100% their choice still sticks with me. That is human nature, BUT also the fact that I learned from it on how NOT to treat others and to be nice and kind.

So, even for you, hopefully, you will, as time moves on, keep the best of caring and loving folks, I have, it is hard work, but so satisfying.

People, that one thinks is close to can be the worst, like your stepdad. He sounded HORRIBLE and made me cry, for real, for you, as no one should ever have to go through experiences of that nature, never.

You are NOT EVER ugly by no means EVER, you are a kind, caring loving and ever so thoughtful person. You are a beautiful sunrise with warmth and shining love for yourself and others.

Lots of huge hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a great friend to/for me, as having no family nor friends except the family here, including you, makes life worth it, thank you so much.

Walter

 

[RestlessRoseBride]

Your thread both broke my heart and spoke volumes on human nature, as far as how folks can be such jerks to great and loving souls, like YOU.

I mention this all the time, it is kind of a benchmark for me, as far as being 68, I have some or a lot depends on I guess, life experience. Also, it is all over SaSu about how I grew up and started out, I will just say rough. Yes, even after all these years being called "the mistake" by my "parents" and having them kick me out at 18 and never hearing from them again ever, 100% their choice still sticks with me. That is human nature, BUT also the fact that I learned from it on how NOT to treat others and to be nice and kind.

So, even for you, hopefully, you will, as time moves on, keep the best of caring and loving folks, I have, it is hard work, but so satisfying.

People, that one thinks is close to can be the worst, like your stepdad. He sounded HORRIBLE and made me cry, for real, for you, as no one should ever have to go through experiences of that nature, never.

You are NOT EVER ugly by no means EVER, you are a kind, caring loving and ever so thoughtful person. You are a beautiful sunrise with warmth and shining love for yourself and others.

Lots of huge hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a great friend to/for me, as having no family nor friends except the family here, including you, makes life worth it, thank you so much.

Walter

i genuinely have no words , thank you for your kind message