Help My life has fallen aprt

[frogbpd]

I won't go into full detail because honestly I'd be here all day.
I had 2 friends they both dropped be because they found out about me being suicidal.

Im basically on suicial watch right now so there's a lot a lot I can do. I feel trapped. All I have on me right now is 150mg xanax, a few escotlapram and booze. I've ready to end my life but I don't think the things I have are enough.

Oh and my house maye illegally kicked me out last week (,joint contract) because e can xsnt desk with me depressjonz even though I literally never cknfinde in her. She does her own thing and i do mine.

My name on here was bpdfrog but I had to delete because it was getting to risky from thr outside word finding things about me. I even feel like I'm being watched now
Things goon a worse kasg week where j took 3pmg xanax, a full box of propranolol, and downed am opopened bottle off morphine. I dint recieve ant medical syywntiom amd deployed feeling rough fot a few days I'm fine now.
I just want to ctb, I can't wake it anymore. Nothing helps me. I had a good managerial job with a salary, a girlfriend who I thought we both had unconditional love form. Turns out she's a narcissist.

Sorry its long. There's way more to it but like I said we would be here all day. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[unoriginalnick]

You should always attempt to rebuild your life before acting so impulsively. However I do understand the pain of people avoiding the "burden" of your pain instead of truly helping you. My advice is to go out and try to get some help.

I hope you make it through this :]

 

[dkdkdkdkkd]

sorry that you have to go through this. i wish you to find peace but remember that sometimes with these things it's better not to act on impulse and to think things through. wishing you the best

 

[frogbpd]

Defo not acting on impulsively any longer... I've had feelings of not wanting to be here for as long as I can remeber. Things like this just make it easier for me. If you get me? As I said there's way more to it than this. This is just a brief post of what's going on.
The other day i took 2 strips og propranolol (only 10mg each) 30mg xanax, and a full bottle of morphone. Never got any medication attention, and now im absolutely fine.
I need the sn method, I have everything other than the actual sn, which is impossible to get in the UK now.

There's a large multistory car park in town, the roof is accessible and there was no barriers. Other people have died jumping off there. I think this might be my new method. I would take benzos first to reduce the SI.
I'm 25 and I truly have already ruined by life with the help of my narc ex. There's no way forward for me now. I'm too far gone

You should always attempt to rebuild your life before acting so impulsively. However I do understand the pain of people avoiding the "burden" of your pain instead of truly helping you. My advice is to go out and try to get some help.

I hope you make it through this :]

People keep saying about acting on impulses, I'm not sure where you have got this from , I've been wanting to ctb for years and years. Thank you anyway though.
Clearly no one actually understands and just think its impulse. It's not.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so dreadful being on the suicide watch, I hate how we exist in a society where suicidal people are treat like criminals, it's so cruel trying to force one to suffer when they wish to cease existing on their own terms. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[frogbpd]

It must be so dreadful being on the suicide watch, I hate how we exist in a society where suicidal people are treat like criminals, it's so cruel trying to force one to suffer when they wish to cease existing on their own terms. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

Thank you <3
I feel because I have bpd and it's in my username, everyone's just like impulse impulse impulse! Don't act on impulsive! When they know nothing about the shit I've been though, if they knew, I guarantee they wouldn't be saying this shit. It makes me feel invalid and stupid.

Defo not acting on impulsively any longer... I've had feelings of not wanting to be here for as long as I can remeber. Things like this just make it easier for me. If you get me? As I said there's way more to it than this. This is just a brief post of what's going on.
The other day i took 2 strips og propranolol (only 10mg each) 30mg xanax, and a full bottle of morphone. Never got any medication attention, and now im absolutely fine.
I need the sn method, I have everything other than the actual sn, which is impossible to get in the UK now.

There's a large multistory car park in town, the roof is accessible and there was no barriers. Other people have died jumping off there. I think this might be my new method. I would take benzos first to reduce the SI.
I'm 25 and I truly have already ruined by life with the help of my narc ex. There's no way forward for me now. I'm too far gone

People keep saying about acting on impulses, I'm not sure where you have got this from , I've been wanting to ctb for years and years. Thank you anyway though.
Clearly no one actually understands and just think its impulse. It's not.

I'm literally on suicide watch, trust me I am getting help.

You should always attempt to rebuild your life before acting so impulsively. However I do understand the pain of people avoiding the "burden" of your pain instead of truly helping you. My advice is to go out and try to get some help.

I hope you make it through this :]

This reads pro life and contains false information regarding me getting help which I am already doing. please remove your post.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this at a relatively young age. Your initial post made it seem like it was an immediate crisis, hence the comments on impulse. But I do understand the long-term nature of mental health issues, having suffered from them for several decades.

I'm 25 and I truly have already ruined by life with the help of my narc ex.

However, why do you think this one person has caused you to ruin your life? And in a way that is preventing you from moving forward, and driving you to ctb?

I can't answer whether to ctb or how. Or if recovery is the best option for you. But do suggest that you take a moment to yourself and just breathe. Then think about what your problems are and what solutions you have available.

Know that you are not alone. I wish the very best for you, and hope that you can find the peace you deserve, regardless of the path you choose.

If you think it might help to talk, please feel free to PM me.

 

[frogbpd]

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this at a relatively young age. Your initial post made it seem like it was an immediate crisis, hence the comments on impulse. But I do understand the long-term nature of mental health issues, having suffered from them for several decades.


However, why do you think this one person has caused you to ruin your life? And in a way that is preventing you from moving forward, and driving you to ctb?

I can't answer whether to ctb or how. Or if recovery is the best option for you. But do suggest that you take a moment to yourself and just breathe. Then think about what your problems are and what solutions you have available.

Know that you are not alone. I wish the very best for you, and hope that you can find the peace you deserve, regardless of the path you choose.

If you think it might help to talk, please feel free to PM me.

I have bpd, which should answer your first question.
I'm almost 26 which is a lot older than some of the 18 yeah old (and I nmbelieve younger,,,,) that use thus forum.
I in no way have said that 1 person as ruined my lifem I said they have helped. They have been nasty, horrible, all the shit stuff you can think off, they have told me to kill myself twice, told me to od on pills, called me just a free hole for them to use, and a lot worse. I now have 0 self confidence and feel unlovable.

I hope this answers some of your questions
Not to mention my ,'friend,' illegally kicked me out of our joint tenancy so now I don't have a house

It must be so dreadful being on the suicide watch, I hate how we exist in a society where suicidal people are treat like criminals, it's so cruel trying to force one to suffer when they wish to cease existing on their own terms. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

Honestly feel like they may aswell put am ankle tag on me I feel that trapped :/

 

[HighFlight]

I am truly sorry for all that you are going through, and hope that you can find your way to an outcome that you desire. You are worthy of love, but you have been through a lot and your feelings are valid. The offer to talk is always there. And I do wish you all the best.

 

[frogbpd]

I'm not good at starting conversations, so I've never used the pm function :(

 

[frogbpd]

Does anyone have any other suggests please that are easy and accessible to do if I knock myself out on xanax first