I just want to vent a little. Don't really know what triggered this but god, I just feel sad, and I know for a fact depression is hitting me currently (I have fallen back into my bad sleep schedule which always happens when I'm depressed). I just feel sad about many different things and want to vent.
To start it off, I just found out something is living in our garage, could be rats, mice, or possibly even baby possums. I don't know what to do, I have no knowedge of pest control and it seems like my mom doesn't care. The house is filthy and I feel so demotivated to clean to because I'll be the only one to do it and then my mom and her boyfriend will ruin it in a day or two. I can keep my space clean so I just stay in my room where I feel it is clean. I feel ashamed to have visitors over because I think they'll judge me for my mom's packrat behavior, especially in the garage. There are boxes and containers piled to the ceiling and useless stuff down there. Everything is so messy and I hate it. I haven't invited anyone over since last year, and even then it was only my ex who was aware of my situation and surprisingly didn't hate me or feel disgusted by it and leave me (this was a very real fear of mine, especially as her family was far wealthier than mine, but she was in the foster system and been through adoption so maybe that's why). I'm too afraid to invite people over and I don't have many friends as a result of my low self-esteem and confidence.
The only thing that brings me joy in that house is my pet cat. She is my pride and joy tbh, even though she's being a brat and won't let me trim her nails/claws. I try and she pulls her paw away. I dread having to live here for longer and I'll be stuck here for a minimum of 3 more years due to my enrollment and college and inability to afford a dorm. I'm practically stuck there until I graduate.
To top it all off, my mom's boyfriend is a piece of garbage and her bar is so low it doesn't matter. She just sees it as someone who won't hit her because a lot of her more recent boyfriends have been that way. I wouldn't let him if he did though, I was too young and naive to know or do anything in the past but I'm an adult now. I want to emphasize that I don't blame my mom entirely for this, I'm grateful because she's actually allowing me to save money and live with her, I just needed an outlet to vent and get all of this off my chest.
I will still try to push through but my negative thoughts are affecting me.
To start it off, I just found out something is living in our garage, could be rats, mice, or possibly even baby possums. I don't know what to do, I have no knowedge of pest control and it seems like my mom doesn't care. The house is filthy and I feel so demotivated to clean to because I'll be the only one to do it and then my mom and her boyfriend will ruin it in a day or two. I can keep my space clean so I just stay in my room where I feel it is clean. I feel ashamed to have visitors over because I think they'll judge me for my mom's packrat behavior, especially in the garage. There are boxes and containers piled to the ceiling and useless stuff down there. Everything is so messy and I hate it. I haven't invited anyone over since last year, and even then it was only my ex who was aware of my situation and surprisingly didn't hate me or feel disgusted by it and leave me (this was a very real fear of mine, especially as her family was far wealthier than mine, but she was in the foster system and been through adoption so maybe that's why). I'm too afraid to invite people over and I don't have many friends as a result of my low self-esteem and confidence.
The only thing that brings me joy in that house is my pet cat. She is my pride and joy tbh, even though she's being a brat and won't let me trim her nails/claws. I try and she pulls her paw away. I dread having to live here for longer and I'll be stuck here for a minimum of 3 more years due to my enrollment and college and inability to afford a dorm. I'm practically stuck there until I graduate.
To top it all off, my mom's boyfriend is a piece of garbage and her bar is so low it doesn't matter. She just sees it as someone who won't hit her because a lot of her more recent boyfriends have been that way. I wouldn't let him if he did though, I was too young and naive to know or do anything in the past but I'm an adult now. I want to emphasize that I don't blame my mom entirely for this, I'm grateful because she's actually allowing me to save money and live with her, I just needed an outlet to vent and get all of this off my chest.
I will still try to push through but my negative thoughts are affecting me.
