My last words

[numbspirit]

I never meant anyone any harm. I never wished anyone harm. I only ever wanted peace for myself and everyone around me. I just wanted a decent life. I didn't ask to have endless money or influence. I didn't ask for a life without worries. I just wanted a life without suffering. That's really all I wanted.

I kind of feel like I need to give a speech or leaving anything behind. Well, because that's my last message to humanity. I thought I would write a book or tell someone my story before I go. But I don't have to. My story is as worthless as I am, so why bother people with it?

I would like to thank all the users on this forum. You made it possible for me to find a peaceful death. You made it possible for me to find closure without involving others, without causing harm to others, and without surviving and waking up in a psychiatric ward.

I was in a psychiatric ward three times, was in therapy for eight years and spent half my life on medication so I wouldn't kill myself.
But the truth is: people like me kill themselves. People like me get fed up and end this martyrdom.

Life is scum. Why are we here? For what?
I've been sitting here for two hours, guzzling one beer after another and just crying.
I didn't ask for this. I didn't want to be here. It's not fair.

I am now going to hang myself. I am pretty sure I'm going make it. If not, I'll answer tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I'm not satisfied until I make my last breath.

Thank you for being there in my last moments. It feels like I've been less alone.
You are all good people. And I sincerely wish for you to find your peace, be it through CTB or recovery.

I love you all,
Ciao bella

 

[breezeboy]

I really hope you find the peace you seek.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. Safe travels <3

 

[stuckinthemud]

I hope you find peace and freedom from your pain and suffering. Farewell

 

[Aim]

Goodbye sweet soul May you flight high.

 

[sklvlp999]

Have a safe travel

 

[hikikomorizombie]

like u, i also did everything you're supposed to to 'be better' & 'recover'. meds, therapy, hospitalizations. like u, that was not my experience w it. i completely relate to ur post & wish i could properly verbalize just how much i do.

i hope u see my pm before u go. i wish u peace in death that u couldn't find in life<333 Ciao bella.

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

May you be be at peace with your decision and have a nice and peaceful exit

 

[FuneralCry]

Goodbye, I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.

 

[numbspirit]

like u, i also did everything you're supposed to to 'be better' & 'recover'. meds, therapy, hospitalizations. like u, that was not my experience w it. i completely relate to ur post & wish i could properly verbalize just how much i do.

i hope u see my pm before u go. i wish u peace in death that u couldn't find in life<333 Ciao bella.

I've read it. Thank you very much. I'm currently sending my last goodbyes to my best friend which is kind of an ordeal.

Thank you very much for your words. They mean the world to me.
And I hope you find peace and freedom.

I'm out.
See you.

 

[cheese.out]

Wish you all the best, may you find the peace you so deserve

 

[SVEN]

Hope you have found peace now and are at the rest this world denied you. Sleep well.

 

[numbspirit]

Thank you all for your kind words. But apparently I'm too fucking stupid to hang myself. Today I was talked out of killing myself for the second time. And why? Because I called a friend and cried like a child.

I think I'm probably the stupidest person on the planet. I shouldn't be given the opportunity to kill myself. I should be fucking murdered.
That I actually let people talk me out of it right before the finish line for the second fucking time. I'm a fucking moron.

I'm sorry everyone. Tomorrow I'll try one more time.

 

[sklvlp999]

Thank you all for your kind words. But apparently I'm too fucking stupid to hang myself. Today I was talked out of killing myself for the second time. And why? Because I called a friend and cried like a child.

I think I'm probably the stupidest person on the planet. I shouldn't be given the opportunity to kill myself. I should be fucking murdered.
That I actually let people talk me out of it right before the finish line for the second fucking time. I'm a fucking moron.

I'm sorry everyone. Tomorrow I'll try one more time.

You are not to say sorry to anybody. It's not like we're expecting you to do it, just to help you find your peace whichever way it is.
You could take your time considering the reasons behind not actually commiting and they may have some real value.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Thank you all for your kind words. But apparently I'm too fucking stupid to hang myself. Today I was talked out of killing myself for the second time. And why? Because I called a friend and cried like a child.

I think I'm probably the stupidest person on the planet. I shouldn't be given the opportunity to kill myself. I should be fucking murdered.
That I actually let people talk me out of it right before the finish line for the second fucking time. I'm a fucking moron.

I'm sorry everyone. Tomorrow I'll try one more time.

You are not stupid. Be well on your journey, wherever it takes you.

 

[Kurai]

Hope you find peace

 

[Princess_Kitty]

Farewell! I wish you the best and hope you find peace .

 

[SVEN]

No one here is pushing you to take any final action, when it is your time you'll know. Please don't feel any pressure to ctb or not. This is a pro choice group, and will try to offer support to you whatever your choice. Be kind to yourself.

 

[numbspirit]

No one here is pushing you to take any final action, when it is your time you'll know. Please don't feel any pressure to ctb or not. This is a pro choice group, and will try to offer support to you whatever your choice. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you very much.
I actually don't want to ctb right now. Well, I would want to, but I'm going to stick to my original plan to make a little road trip and then cover up my suicide as an accident.

Last night it was just too much for me to handle. I wanted to ctb out of impulsiveness which I swore to avoid. Calling my friend was probably the best thing I could have done.

Again, thank you very much for your reply. It means a lot.

 

[numbspirit]

Fuck it, I'm going to do it, I'm gonna hang myself now.
Didn't want to make a new thread for this so I wouldn't spam here.

Anyway, thanks for being there for me. You're all good people and I love you guys.

Peace out.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish you peace on your journey

 

[festerdecay]

I hope you've found peace now, resting in a place where the world's troubles can no longer reach you. goodbye

 

[SVEN]

Thinking kind thoughts of you, whatever happened.