My Last Letter

[LastLoveLetter]

I was hoping to be able to get everything off my chest a final time. To share a succinct, meaningful goodbye. Shine a light on the systemic failures that led to my impending death, the history of trauma, the disabilities and illnesses and pain. Find a little catharsis for the many years of suffering. Thank those who have supported me here along the way.

But I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry. My resources are depleted, my brain is mush. I'm so, so tired. Everything feels heavy, laborious, lifeless. It's as though the life has already been sucked out of me over the years. Now, it's simply time to finish off the empty shell that remains.
In a little over a month, that's the plan but plans don't always work out and to be honest, I may have to go before then. I'm deteriorating rapidly, to the point I'm not sure I'll even have the physical capacity to travel to Beachy Head in September no matter how meticulous my planning is or what preparations I make.

I wanted to write letters. Letters to the people who abused me and destroyed my body, mind and soul, that they'll never read. Letters to the healthcare system that left me to rot in isolation. And letters to the people I loved, some of whom are no longer alive. But all I have left is emptiness and exhaustion. It's time to sleep.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really horrible how people have to suffer so much but anyway best wishes, I hope you eventually find the freedom you wish for.

 

[bluebus]

I totally understand how you feel. At some point excsisntece becomes too tiresome and you're just ready to fade away.
I'm know I'm tired and sick. I wish I could right a deeply meaningful letter to all the people in my life, tell them how much I love them, and how great they've made my life. Throw in a few personal memories/ stories that we shared together. But I'm too tired to do any of it.
I feel for you, and I am sorry that life has been so cruel to you. I hope you can find peace soon. Love,

 

[Sweet Tart]

I don't know you but I know you are loved and respected here, as I was reading your posts long before I actually joined the site. I'm sorry for your pain and depletion. I recognize those feelings and am sending you some of the strength I have left. I wish I could offer more. I wish this world were a livable place for all of us but it is not and I respect your decision to be rid of it. Thank you for your meaningful words and ideas, the legacy you will leave here. I wish you peace, comfort, and clarity in your remaining time here.

 

[Gaga786]

I'm really sorry. I know how it feels because I've been wanting to write letters to everyone, but I just don't have the energy to do so. The mental health system failed me as well. I can't imagine how difficult things are for you right, and I hope you find the inner peace that you deserve. Wishing you the best!

 

[Unattainable666]

I was hoping to be able to get everything off my chest a final time. To share a succinct, meaningful goodbye. Shine a light on the systemic failures that led to my impending death, the history of trauma, the disabilities and illnesses and pain. Find a little catharsis for the many years of suffering. Thank those who have supported me here along the way.

But I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry. My resources are depleted, my brain is mush. I'm so, so tired. Everything feels heavy, laborious, lifeless. It's as though the life has already been sucked out of me over the years. Now, it's simply time to finish off the empty shell that remains.
In a little over a month, that's the plan but plans don't always work out and to be honest, I may have to go before then. I'm deteriorating rapidly, to the point I'm not sure I'll even have the physical capacity to travel to Beachy Head in September no matter how meticulous my planning is or what preparations I make.

I wanted to write letters. Letters to the people who abused me and destroyed my body, mind and soul, that they'll never read. Letters to the healthcare system that left me to rot in isolation. And letters to the people I loved, some of whom are no longer alive. But all I have left is emptiness and exhaustion. It's time to sleep.

I'm so sorry for all the pain you've had in your life. You certainly didn't deserve it. You are not alone. If you are on this site you will never be alone

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Thank you all for the support.

I'm logging out now and making final preparations. If there's no activity from my account in one week (August 28th), it's safe to assume I'm gone and I'd like to request that mods ban/deactivate my account please.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Quick update: Obviously, I'm still alive.

I'm under "crisis intervention" (using that term loosely here, since mental health "intervention" has never been helpful) though so won't be able to get online much for a little while.

Just wanted to at least let people know as I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm gone when I'm still here. The plan is to try again very soon though and will post again before I do so.

Thank you all.

 

[tora]

it's okay. you don't owe anyone anything. how you want to spend the rest of your time is completely up to you. don't write any letters unless it would make you feel better to write them.
I'm sorry life has worn you down so much. i understand how tired you feel. I hope you can rest soon.