My Last Day. Goodbye

[Eire1992]

Hello all,

The day is here, to those of you who offered advice and kind words on my post yesterday, I thank you. It was greatly appreciated. Today is the last day. I'm currently traveling to my city of choice to carry out my plans. I haven't been on public transport in well over a year because of Covid, I thought it would be stressful but honestly, I'm completely calm. I don't know if that's peace of mind with my decision or that I was just over thinking the Covid anxiety but either way, I'll call it a win.

For anyone who didn't see my post yesterday, I'll detail my plans below. All times are in BST (currently 12:20pm):

-Been taking Domperidone for the last 3 days, will continue with that up until 7pm tonight (BST)

-I should arrive where I'm going around 1pm

-Plan to hit up a pharmacy to pick up my antacid, most likely Nexium (Esomeprazole) as Tagamet and Ranitidine are hard to get here and a euro store (dollar store) to grab a scale, plastic cups and other necessities

-Check-in to the hotel around 3pm (I've requested a room away from other occupied rooms due to Covid fears, they've said they can help with that no problem)

-I have 2 nights booked with the hotel, so I should have ample time to both carry out my plans and not be found and I've stayed there before and know that the sound proofing on the rooms is top notch, just in case

-I have some comfort TV and comfort books to pass the time for a few hours (Old Top Gear mainly) and will go for a walk around the city if the weather allows, I may pick up a packet of smokes as well. I haven't smoked in quite some time but the idea appeals

-From midday onwards I'll be fasting from food. At 8pm I'll fast from fluids as well

-After 8pm I'll start changing all my passwords and deleting any accounts that can be linked to my act (jungle market etc..)

-The exception will be a protonmail account with false details that I'm using for my letters and my account here which I'll connect to through a VPN and TOR, just to be safe that nothing is linked back to here

-I've also set up shutdown protocols on my devices. I'll change all the passwords and remove biometric locks and set them all to hard shutdown at 5am (I'm a programmer so this was fairly easy to accomplish on devices that don't have native auto shutdown options)

-I've also wiped my hard drive on this laptop and I've wiped everything from my desktops drive at home relevant to my act and for good measure I've triple encrypted all the drives in that system with randomised encryption keys that I didn't make a note of. If I fail, I'll have to replace all those hard drives, they can't be unlocked lol

-11:00pm: 1000mg Paracetamol

-11:15pm: 30mg Domperidone

-11:30pm: Double dose antacid (Nexium) and double dose of Phenergan

-00:00am: 25mg SN dissolved in 50ml of bottled water (two additional doses prepared just in case)

-00:00am: Start my playlist (I can post the playlist below if anyone is interested), lay down and try to relax. I'll try document how I'm feeling too for as long as I can

-I'm opting not to use Propranalol, it's very hard to get here and tachycardia doesn't bother me in the slightest

-I'll have a chair set up just inside the hotel room door with a large sign on it saying not to come into the room and to just call emergency services. I'm hoping this will spare whoever they send to the room to check why I haven't checked out the trauma of finding me

-I have a folder that I'll leave next to me, in it will be ID and a statement of intent. I'll also clearly label the SN and extra drinks as poison (I've removed all labels from the SN bottle

And that should be that. I can't think of anything else to do. My intent is to pass peacefully and cause as little distress or trauma to anyone who has to deal with this matter as is possible. I am calm and I am determined. I had a moment last night of doubt. I kept picturing my eldest's face when she smiles. That was hard. That was unbearably hard. But they are better off without me. There are things in my past that I've only recently started to remember and accept happened. And I've unknowingly exposed my girls to the person responsible for those things. I don't have the courage or strength to deal with these memories but I have to protect my kids from both the memories and any potential harm from this person. I don't want to go into it because it'll turn a peaceful experience into one based around hate but I plan to name names and give details in a letter. It will be believed, I've made sure the right people will know. One of the people who I've chosen to make aware of this information, if it transpired that anything ever happened to my girls, if they were hurt in any way, there would be consequences, I'll leave it at that, I don't want to talk about this aspect of my decision any more than I have.

My mind lives in a constant spiral. I have a good home life. I truly do. But I'm broken and I have tried over the last 15 years to put myself back together. I have sought all help that there is/was to be got and but I'm just fundamentally broken. There are good days, but they're good days because of the people around me, not because I'm ok. I am not ok, I have not been ok for pushing on towards 20 years now. The problem isn't situation. The problem is who I am and who I am must come to an end. I am going to hurt a lot of people. I know that. God help me I do, but I think the harm will be outdone by the long term good. My eldest is only 3, my youngest is 1, they won't remember me. The eldest will know she had a dad, and I hope I leave her good memories. I was a good dad. I don't have to think about that. I know I was. But they are better without me. I can't be fixed and as they get older it would kill me inside to see them learn from my behaviours. Nevermind the fact that I can't even physically keep them safe it turns out. They will be ok. They will move on. As will my wife. I know what this is going to do to her but she will recover. She's the strongest person I know. My family will take very good care of her. I know this because I'm going to ask them to in my letter and if I ask, they will make it so. They're good people.

So that's me. Loose ends are tied up as best as I can manage. I've done my best to make this as easy as possible for everyone who isn't going to have a choice but to be involved. Today is the last day of my 29 years on this earth. There were good times. There definitely were. But it's time to go because I can't keep going being me.

I want to thank this community. In the short time I've been here you lot have given so much to me. I'm eternally grateful. If there's anything I can give back to this place, I will. I'll be responsive on here all day and into tonight, if you have questions, ask and I'll answer, including about the drugs I'm using/where I got them (please ask these in private though as I don't want to break any rules). I'll try document what happens to me as it happens until I'm no longer able to. I considered having an observer by video but I wouldn't even know how to go about that.

Love you all and I'll say my final goodbye tonight just before midnight <3

 

[hʚll]

i hope you won't suffer anymore once you reach the other side. and that the passing will be peaceful. good luck! we're here for you, no matter what you choose (:

 

[Drimacus]

I wish you luck and peace!

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I am so sorry life has led to this for you, you seem like such a kind person that deserved so much better. I had the same initial knee jerk reaction as @S like suicide. Not because I want you to live and prolong your suffering, but because it seems so incredibly unfair that you and many others here are pushed to the edge. People who are broken from the inside out, for reasons beyond their control. People who can only find relief in death, because they have been robbed of it in life.

I truly relate to that inherent brokenness you describe, as well as the awful memories that have been dredged up.

Your response to my own recent post was incredibly kind, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to that while contending with so much pain yourself.

I wish you nothing but tranquility, the peace and inner quiet you never had in life. I would very much like to hear your playlist if you would be happy to share it with us.

 

[Eire1992]

i hope you won't suffer anymore once you reach the other side. and that the passing will be peaceful. good luck! we're here for you, no matter what you choose (:

Thank you for the kind words and support. It means a lot.

I wish you luck and peace!

Thank you <3

I am so sorry life has led to this for you, you seem like such a kind person that deserved so much better. I had the same initial knee jerk reaction as @S like suicide. Not because I want you to live and prolong your suffering, but because it seems so incredibly unfair that you and many others here are pushed to the edge. People who are broken from the inside out, for reasons beyond their control. People who can only find relief in death, because they have been robbed of it in life.

I truly relate to that inherent brokenness you describe, as well as the awful memories that have been dredged up.

Your response to my own recent post was incredibly kind, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to that while contending with so much pain yourself.

I wish you nothing but tranquility, the peace and inner quiet you never had in life. I would very much like to hear your playlist if you would be happy to share it with us.

Thank you very much for the kind words. I truly wish there was more I could do for you, your post struck deep with me and I hope you find peace.

The roads we walk in life vary but as time goes on I find out minds don't. Much of who we are is what has happened to us. And that should not be the case. The help just isn't there for people that truly need it. We should not have to scrabble to find a peaceful way to end our suffering when the basic help we need isn't in place either. Life is cruel. It can be good, but often the good doesn't outweigh to cruelty. I adore my children. My heart is broken that I have to leave them. If I think about it too much I'll end up messy crying on public transport, and nobody wants that lol. But their happiness isn't enough when my absence will serve them better over the course of their lives. People may wonder "but think about them!" and the honest answer is, I am. I am thinking about them.

I'll post my playlist in text form but once I get to the hotel I can drop a screenshot too from Spotify if anyone would prefer that.

1. On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter
2. How to Disappear Completely - Radiohead
3. Look on Down from the Bridge - Mazzy Star
4. Without You - Harry Nilson
5. Claws in your Back - Julien Baker
6. Fade into You - Mazzy Star
7. Street Spirit - Radiohead
8. Vladimir's Blues - Max Richter
9. Asleep - The Smiths
10. Videotape - Radiohead
11. An Ending (Ascent) - Brian Eno
12. On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter

And yes, Daylight is supposed to be in there twice. Listen to it and I'm quite sure you'll understand why fairly quickly. It's without a doubt one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written.
Right, just coming into Dublin now. Check-in isn't until 3pm so I'm gonna bop around town gathering the few last things I need (scales, antacid). I'll reply to any messages as soon as I get logged back into the hotel Wifi and get my VPN set up just after 3.

 

[BrokenArrow]

I'm really sorry it came to this for you. I can tell that you're a well educated, thoughtful person who clearly has good intentions. Leaving your two children behind must be incredibly tough.

We're the same age (well, I turn 29 in a couple of weeks) and I'm also catching the bus with SN soon. I feel so odd knowing that I won't make it to 30.

I hope you find peace, friend.

We'll be thinking of you.

 

[JackTheStripper]

I'm sorry that you had to choose this way, but I wish you all the best^-^
I hope you'll find your peace. You definitely deserve it.

Safe travels ♡

 

[Meditation guide]

Sorry that your 29 years on earth has to end like this. I wish you the best.

 

[Rae82]

Good luck with your plans if you are sure this is the right time. I hope you find peace from your suffering.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I hope you find peace brother. Safe travels.

 

[aminend]

I wish u best. There is not any sorry for Migrating from this shit world

 

[Eire1992]

Well, I'm here. I'm checked in and have everything set up to go. Thank you all for the kind wishes. It was nice to read so many good thoughts that were posted in the time it took to get from the train to the hotel. Thank you. I have my note for inside the door and note for the police done (with my passport clipped to the latter).

I'm already fasting and will be coming off liquids in a little bit. Second Domperidone dose is in so I have nothing to do until my regimen starts at 11pm. I'll post a pic below of everything I have set up (can remove it if that turns out to be against the rules, I don't think it is but thought I'd say it just in case). All that's left is my 3 letters to write. Going to do that on my laptop and leave them on the desktop. Hand is shaking too much to write any more. My hard drive is wiped and I'm connecting to here through a VPN and TOR which I've set to autoclose at 5am, so that should be fine. The letters are gonna be...ye they're gonna suck balls I'm not gonna lie. Just going to get them done. My loved ones deserve to know.

 

[Neal]

I'm wishing you peace friend. I'm so sorry that life bring you (and me) to this point.. We are on the same boat.. May I ask did you tested your SN? Its from my country and i can buy it, my method was full suspension actually but I'm like 105 kg and failed full suspension 1.5 years ago. I was lucky it was a short one. I will have one more chance to be alone in this month. And I don't want to fail again. So I can actually think about the SN method with just ibuprofen maybe.. Sending hugs to you.. I am really sorry that im asking this question to you on your goodbye thread. But I'm really desperate and trying to find a way out.

 

[grungeCat]

I wish you peaceful and painless exit. I hope you won't never suffer again. We are all going to die sooner or later. If you are really sure that this is the only solution then I am going to respect this. Safe travels! I wish we would met on the other side, liberated from our disabilities.

 

[Eire1992]

I'm wishing you peace friend. I'm so sorry that life bring you (and me) to this point.. We are on the same boat.. May I ask did you tested your SN? Its from my country and i can buy it, my method was full suspension actually but I'm like 105 kg and failed full suspension 1.5 years ago. I was lucky it was a short one. I will have one more chance to be alone in this month. And I don't want to fail again. So I can actually think about the SN method with just ibuprofen maybe.. Sending hugs to you..

I've blood tested it and the result was excellent. Immediately changed as it should have. I haven't dip tested it as I don't have a kit but from my reading and observations, the blood test indicates that it's exactly the purity it claims to be. Weirdly, and I didn't mention this previously, but you know how often they'll put bubble wrap or styrofoam in packages to stop them moving? The bottle in the box mine came in was held secure by what from what I can tell is a full copy of the Quran in individual pages? It was really really strange. Didn't think too much about it at the time because I was just happy it had arrived but thinking back, that is a tad odd lol. Bottle was completely hermetically sealed though so the extra "packaging" wasn't necessary really.

I wish you peaceful and painless exit. I hope you won't never suffer again. We are all going to die sooner or later. If you are really sure that this is the only solution then I am going to respect this. Safe travels! I wish we would met on the other side, liberated from our disabilities.

Thank you for the kind words :)

 

[Apathy79]

Not sure what to say. I hope you enjoy the walk. The last walk. It's one I've imagined so many times.

With the decision made, I hope you can find some positive memories to cherish in your final hours.

If you want to chat about anything - thoughts, memories, loved ones, whatever, even seemingly pointless things you notice - I'd love to hear it.

All the best in your final hours. And whatever comes next. From a 41yo Aussie hermit on the other side of the world.

 

[Neal]

I've blood tested it and the result was excellent. Immediately changed as it should have. I haven't dip tested it as I don't have a kit but from my reading and observations, the blood test indicates that it's exactly the purity it claims to be. Weirdly, and I didn't mention this previously, but you know how often they'll put bubble wrap or styrofoam in packages to stop them moving? The bottle in the box mine came in was held secure by what from what I can tell is a full copy of the Quran in individual pages? It was really really strange. Didn't think too much about it at the time because I was just happy it had arrived but thinking back, that is a tad odd lol. Bottle was completely hermetically sealed though so the extra "packaging" wasn't necessary really.

Thank you for your answer. I appreciate that. Yes in here they are using bubble wraps and styrofoams a lot for the security. Cause in the country the deliverymans are careless about the products. We are muslim country but even it is really strange that the box came with you Quran pages. I never heard a thing like that before.

 

[IWantToSleep]

Best wishes, sorry it had to come to this.

 

[Eire1992]

Not sure what to say. I hope you enjoy the walk. The last walk. It's one I've imagined so many times.

With the decision made, I hope you can find some positive memories to cherish in your final hours.

If you want to chat about anything - thoughts, memories, loved ones, whatever, even seemingly pointless things you notice - I'd love to hear it.

All the best in your final hours. And whatever comes next. From a 41yo Aussie hermit on the other side of the world.

Thank you for the kind words. I may take you up on that later. I know my own mind and I can see myself becoming a bit manic as we get closer to the time. I tend to ramble when I'm like that. It'd be nice to have someone to bounce my mind off of.

Thank you for your answer. I appreciate that. Yes in here they are using bubble wraps and styrofoams a lot for the security. Cause in the country the deliverymans are careless about the products. We are muslim country but even it is really strange that the box came with you Quran pages. I never heard a thing like that before.

Ye I thought it really really strange. I've never, ever seen anything like that. It's a bit like if I ordered from the US and they used Bible pages to package it, it's just be ludicrous. Oh well, one funny little anecdote I suppose in all this.

Best wishes, sorry it had to come to this.

Thank you, me too..me too. But alas, here we are. Such is the path we walk.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I've blood tested it and the result was excellent. Immediately changed as it should have. I haven't dip tested it as I don't have a kit but from my reading and observations, the blood test indicates that it's exactly the purity it claims to be. Weirdly, and I didn't mention this previously, but you know how often they'll put bubble wrap or styrofoam in packages to stop them moving? The bottle in the box mine came in was held secure by what from what I can tell is a full copy of the Quran in individual pages? It was really really strange. Didn't think too much about it at the time because I was just happy it had arrived but thinking back, that is a tad odd lol. Bottle was completely hermetically sealed though so the extra "packaging" wasn't necessary really.

Thank you for the kind words :)

What do the pages of the Quran say? Maybe you should consider this a sign? I'm just saying.

 

[Cant go back]

This must be a very difficult decision for you, I'm sorry life brought you to this point.

Thank you for posting your playlist. I listened to On the Nature of Daylight. It really is such a beautiful piece, I will include this in my own playlist. I appreciate the Radiohead songs, Street Spirit is one of my favorites. I have No Surprises on mine as the lyrics match up so closely with my life, it almost makes me cry when I listen to it.

Im not sure what else to say. I'm new to this forum and this is the first post I've read of yours. You seem like someone I would really get on with if we didn't have our own personal situations causing all our pain. If this is your last day I hope you enjoy it as much as you are able to.

 

[FreeAngel]

I hope you feel better on the other side

 

[Eire1992]

What do the pages of the Quran say? Maybe you should consider this a sign? I'm just saying.

No idea, it looks like it's basically the entire book but in single pages. It's in Arabic. But honestly, I'm a complete atheist. If God, him/her/themself appeared to me and told me not to, I'd laugh and ask how they intended to try stop me. It's a nice thought though and I thank you for it. Alas, it's nothing to me but a funny anecdote about this whole process.

This must be a very difficult decision for you, I'm sorry life brought you to this point.

Thank you for posting your playlist. I listened to On the Nature of Daylight. It really is such a beautiful piece, I will include this in my own playlist. I appreciate the Radiohead songs, Street Spirit is one of my favorites. I have No Surprises on mine as the lyrics match up so closely with my life, it almost makes me cry when I listen to it.

Im not sure what else to say. I'm new to this forum and this is the first post I've read of yours. You seem like someone I would really get on with if we didn't have our own personal situations causing all our pain. If this is your last day I hope you enjoy it as much as you are able to.

Thank you for the kind words, and I'm glad you liked Daylight. It's heartrendingly beautiful. I did consider more Radiohead (Exit Music, All I Need, No Surprises, Climbing up the Walls, Lucky, True Love Waits) but if I put all those in it may as well just have been an entirely Radiohead playlist lol, so I stuck with the ones that really spoke to me given my situation. Street Spirit because Thom himself described it as the hardest song he ever has to sing. "That song is about looking the devil in the eye and knowing, just knowing, that there's nothing you can do. He will get the last laugh. I watch festival crowds sing that song back to me and all I can think of is a dog in the car wagging its tail on its way to the vet to be put to sleep. They don't get it. You don't get that song unless you've experienced true despair and for that, I hate that I wrote it." Videotape because the song itself feels like a suicide note. And How to Disappear Completely, well that sort of answers itself in all honesty. I'm sorry we didn't connect sooner, I definitely agree we would have gotten along like a house on fire. Alas, such is life.

I hope you feel better on the other side

Thank you, as do I. As do I. Oblivion sounds like the right end to all this.

 

[grungeCat]

Thank you for the kind words :)

Thank you so much for your kindness! Why is it always that so good and sweet people has to go away... I guess this world simply don't want nice people, just cold and bitter assholes who can enrich themselves

 

[MAA Ke pass]

Hello all,

The day is here, to those of you who offered advice and kind words on my post yesterday, I thank you. It was greatly appreciated. Today is the last day. I'm currently traveling to my city of choice to carry out my plans. I haven't been on public transport in well over a year because of Covid, I thought it would be stressful but honestly, I'm completely calm. I don't know if that's peace of mind with my decision or that I was just over thinking the Covid anxiety but either way, I'll call it a win.

For anyone who didn't see my post yesterday, I'll detail my plans below. All times are in BST (currently 12:20pm):

-Been taking Domperidone for the last 3 days, will continue with that up until 7pm tonight (BST)

-I should arrive where I'm going around 1pm

-Plan to hit up a pharmacy to pick up my antacid, most likely Nexium (Esomeprazole) as Tagamet and Ranitidine are hard to get here and a euro store (dollar store) to grab a scale, plastic cups and other necessities

-Check-in to the hotel around 3pm (I've requested a room away from other occupied rooms due to Covid fears, they've said they can help with that no problem)

-I have 2 nights booked with the hotel, so I should have ample time to both carry out my plans and not be found and I've stayed there before and know that the sound proofing on the rooms is top notch, just in case

-I have some comfort TV and comfort books to pass the time for a few hours (Old Top Gear mainly) and will go for a walk around the city if the weather allows, I may pick up a packet of smokes as well. I haven't smoked in quite some time but the idea appeals

-From midday onwards I'll be fasting from food. At 8pm I'll fast from fluids as well

-After 8pm I'll start changing all my passwords and deleting any accounts that can be linked to my act (jungle market etc..)

-The exception will be a protonmail account with false details that I'm using for my letters and my account here which I'll connect to through a VPN and TOR, just to be safe that nothing is linked back to here

-I've also set up shutdown protocols on my devices. I'll change all the passwords and remove biometric locks and set them all to hard shutdown at 5am (I'm a programmer so this was fairly easy to accomplish on devices that don't have native auto shutdown options)

-I've also wiped my hard drive on this laptop and I've wiped everything from my desktops drive at home relevant to my act and for good measure I've triple encrypted all the drives in that system with randomised encryption keys that I didn't make a note of. If I fail, I'll have to replace all those hard drives, they can't be unlocked lol

-11:00pm: 1000mg Paracetamol

-11:15pm: 30mg Domperidone

-11:30pm: Double dose antacid (Nexium) and double dose of Phenergan

-00:00am: 25mg SN dissolved in 50ml of bottled water (two additional doses prepared just in case)

-00:00am: Start my playlist (I can post the playlist below if anyone is interested), lay down and try to relax. I'll try document how I'm feeling too for as long as I can

-I'm opting not to use Propranalol, it's very hard to get here and tachycardia doesn't bother me in the slightest

-I'll have a chair set up just inside the hotel room door with a large sign on it saying not to come into the room and to just call emergency services. I'm hoping this will spare whoever they send to the room to check why I haven't checked out the trauma of finding me

-I have a folder that I'll leave next to me, in it will be ID and a statement of intent. I'll also clearly label the SN and extra drinks as poison (I've removed all labels from the SN bottle

And that should be that. I can't think of anything else to do. My intent is to pass peacefully and cause as little distress or trauma to anyone who has to deal with this matter as is possible. I am calm and I am determined. I had a moment last night of doubt. I kept picturing my eldest's face when she smiles. That was hard. That was unbearably hard. But they are better off without me. There are things in my past that I've only recently started to remember and accept happened. And I've unknowingly exposed my girls to the person responsible for those things. I don't have the courage or strength to deal with these memories but I have to protect my kids from both the memories and any potential harm from this person. I don't want to go into it because it'll turn a peaceful experience into one based around hate but I plan to name names and give details in a letter. It will be believed, I've made sure the right people will know. One of the people who I've chosen to make aware of this information, if it transpired that anything ever happened to my girls, if they were hurt in any way, there would be consequences, I'll leave it at that, I don't want to talk about this aspect of my decision any more than I have.

My mind lives in a constant spiral. I have a good home life. I truly do. But I'm broken and I have tried over the last 15 years to put myself back together. I have sought all help that there is/was to be got and but I'm just fundamentally broken. There are good days, but they're good days because of the people around me, not because I'm ok. I am not ok, I have not been ok for pushing on towards 20 years now. The problem isn't situation. The problem is who I am and who I am must come to an end. I am going to hurt a lot of people. I know that. God help me I do, but I think the harm will be outdone by the long term good. My eldest is only 3, my youngest is 1, they won't remember me. The eldest will know she had a dad, and I hope I leave her good memories. I was a good dad. I don't have to think about that. I know I was. But they are better without me. I can't be fixed and as they get older it would kill me inside to see them learn from my behaviours. Nevermind the fact that I can't even physically keep them safe it turns out. They will be ok. They will move on. As will my wife. I know what this is going to do to her but she will recover. She's the strongest person I know. My family will take very good care of her. I know this because I'm going to ask them to in my letter and if I ask, they will make it so. They're good people.

So that's me. Loose ends are tied up as best as I can manage. I've done my best to make this as easy as possible for everyone who isn't going to have a choice but to be involved. Today is the last day of my 29 years on this earth. There were good times. There definitely were. But it's time to go because I can't keep going being me.

I want to thank this community. In the short time I've been here you lot have given so much to me. I'm eternally grateful. If there's anything I can give back to this place, I will. I'll be responsive on here all day and into tonight, if you have questions, ask and I'll answer, including about the drugs I'm using/where I got them (please ask these in private though as I don't want to break any rules). I'll try document what happens to me as it happens until I'm no longer able to. I considered having an observer by video but I wouldn't even know how to go about that.

Love you all and I'll say my final goodbye tonight just before midnight <3

Hope u found peace

 

[Eire1992]

Thank you so much for your kindness! Why is it always that so good and sweet people has to go away... I guess this world simply don't want nice people, just cold and bitter assholes who can enrich themselves

Life has a way of not caring. But I've always prided myself on showing kindness to others. I think it's a trait that becomes common in people who suffer on the inside. We know what we're feeling, so we're acutely aware of what others could potentially be feeling. So treat everyone with kindness, it might genuinely save their life some day. It also makes us vulnerable. It leaves us open to more pain. I'm not saying kind vulnerable people can't go far in life, not at all. But this world is set up in a way that it certainly makes it harder. I have had good times in my life. I can simply just no longer continue as I am. But I will always value that I was never intentionally cruel to anyone. I pride myself on it and think it's a character trait anyone should feel proud of. There are a lot of kind people on here. And I mean, a LOT of kind people. I was blown away when I first joined.

Hope u found peace

Tonight shall tell. I'm calm and I'm hopeful.

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

I hope you find peace and tranquility at the end.

 

[Trojan]

Good wishes for your process. I truly hope you find your peace.

 

[MrOptions]

Peaceful transition's to you.

 

[ねたみ]

Are you sure 25mg SN is enough? It said 25g in wiki (btw it tastes horribly salty, so be prepared and numb your taste buds in advance if possible)
Wish you a peaceful journey!