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Danby
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
- Aug 13, 2024
- 25
Hello . . . new member (though I've been lurking for a while). I am in my mid-fifties, autistic, and suffering from depression for many years now. I've gone through a whole string of therapists and a psychiatrist without much success. I'm also on various happy pills prescribed by my GP and said psychiatrist, but they don't seem to help much either. I've only been suicidal for a year or so, due primarily to financial issues; now my wife of nearly thirty years is divorcing me, which hasn't helped matters at all. If I had a gun I'd have ctbed by now, but as I live in California guns are hard to get. I feel alone, sad, unloved, unlovable. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore, not even my hobbies, which used to bring me joy; now they seem like work. I sit in my mancave/dungeon under the house and wallow mostly (and also try to work--I work from home).
I do have a plan to ctb; I tried to hang myself without success, then tried the night-night method but that didn't work either (I think the bags were too small--I got out some socks to try it with but haven't gotten the nerve/hit rock bottom yet). I also looked into the inert gas method with nitrogen; I have the exit bag ready and just need to order the N2 tank, tubing, and flowmeter. But lately, after reading the threads on this site, I think a shotgun is the way to go. I have one in my shopping cart on a gun store website; if/when I purchase it that will be the go signal, as I have to go pick it up at a gun store nearby and once I do that I won't bring it home--I'll get some ammo, go to a secluded spot, and boom. But I haven't yet gotten to that point. I think only my daughters (especially my youngest) are keeping me from doing it.
I have found this site very helpful for a) research and b) knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts. I think more than anything I need someone to talk to. Thank you for listening.
I do have a plan to ctb; I tried to hang myself without success, then tried the night-night method but that didn't work either (I think the bags were too small--I got out some socks to try it with but haven't gotten the nerve/hit rock bottom yet). I also looked into the inert gas method with nitrogen; I have the exit bag ready and just need to order the N2 tank, tubing, and flowmeter. But lately, after reading the threads on this site, I think a shotgun is the way to go. I have one in my shopping cart on a gun store website; if/when I purchase it that will be the go signal, as I have to go pick it up at a gun store nearby and once I do that I won't bring it home--I'll get some ammo, go to a secluded spot, and boom. But I haven't yet gotten to that point. I think only my daughters (especially my youngest) are keeping me from doing it.
I have found this site very helpful for a) research and b) knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts. I think more than anything I need someone to talk to. Thank you for listening.