I married a man who allowed me to believe he was my soulmate. He told me everyday that he loved me for years. He still says it "out of habit", but he has told me several times recently that he does not love me. We argue all the time now. He told me that he never wants to have children with me. He is always so mean to me. I fear that I will be lonely and unloved for the rest of my miserable existence. I keep asking him why he married me. He says he doesn't know. I feel like he is torturing me because he hates me and wants to see me suffer. I'm so full of shame and sorrow. I really hope to CTB soon. I really just need to build up the courage.
Not to oversimplify, but really, fuck this guy. Leave and I bet you will feel better almost immediately. There is nothing holding you captive to this guy. If you are reliant on him for money, food, shelter, transportation, etc.. Take this as a lesson to never rely on anyone again.
I know I'm a guy, and maybe there is some difference, but I have never relied on anyone from the age of 18. It was important for me to always be in control of my own life. I got divorced after 10 years of marriage, and knowing my ex for close to 20 years. I just up and left. I was fine, and so was she because we always made sure to keep that independence. We are best friends still. It was the right thing to do. Maybe to save some kind of relationship, you need to go your separate ways.
I got a vasectomy at a very young age - best choice I ever made. Maybe this guy doesn't want kids. There is no compromise on children - just like pets you either have one or you don't. He doesn't want kids, or he doesn't want them with you. If you want children, obviously this isn't the guy for you. Don't try to compromise on this. You will wind up a single parent or worse, stuck in a failing relationship for the sake of your kids.
Finally, from your other thread, please don't use that 380. This guy is already fucking your life. You don't need to wind up a vegetable or disfigured because of him as well.