My husband has been being worse and worse

[let.me.let.go87]

This is a long story. My husband and I met on Facebook during the pandemic, I fell in love with him before I even actually met him but when we first met we hooked up and he moved the next day out of state and we ended up having a long distance relationship and my adopted mom who I was living with at the time passed away so I moved out of state and moved in with him and we ended up getting married. I didn't know what I was getting into but we've been married for 3 years now and our relationship has never been very good. It's never been abusive but it's never been very good. It's always been just fighting and him telling me what I do wrong and never doing anything but criticizing me and making me feel like shit about myself. He's always huffing and puffing and criticizing me. He's been drinking more and more lately. Coming home late at night. Barely spends any time with me. He gives me one day a week with him. The rest of the week he ignores me. I don't know what to do. I've been considering killing myself in the bed just so he can come home and find me and see what he lost. As like and I told you so or a fuck you to him. I have been trying so hard to make this work, my husband is an illegal immigrant and I have been trying to protect him from Trump's regime. But he literally said he doesn't want me to protect him and he doesn't want to move to Canada or something he would rather stay here and risk getting deported to a concentration camp then for me to protect him from what's going on. And like are you fuckinh kidding me My anxiety is so bad... But I've literally hit the fucking point if you get deported to a concentration camp and I never see you again? Whatever I don't even care anymore I'll just move on with my life at this point it'll probably be better off if you're gone I don't even care anymore and that's bad but I also know at the same time if it happens I will probably slit my throat because I won't be able to take it I do love him but at the same time I hate him and I don't know how that's possible. I can't take this anymore

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are going through this. To be honest, I doubt I'll be much help. I've never experienced a relationship. Are you able to sit and talk at all about the state of things? Clearly, he isn't all that happy in life either if he doesn't care about his fate. Could you maybe both express what it is you're unhappy about in life and, how you might both work to make things better?

 

[getoutgirl]

That sounds like a very unhappy marriage and painful position you are in. I don't think dying should be the way out of it girl :( , but I understand why you might feel the urge. If you think you two, and specially you, would best be on their own, maybe you should start considering that.
this is just some internet rando opinion, but whatever you do try to take it easy these days if the anxiety is bad enough. Hugs <3

 

[bankai]

It seems like he's depressed too if he's saying things like he doesn't care if he's deported. That's why I'm very reluctant of getting into a relationship when there is any mental health issue going on. It will only compound things.


Can you get into therapy? Can you ask him if he can get into therapy with you?'Cause obviously he needs it.

If therapy is not an option, then you're going to have to give him an ultimatum. I wouldn't word it as an ultimatum, but I would tell him that you need to spend more time as husband and wife and he needs to pay more attention,etc.let it all out.

 

[let.me.let.go87]

It seems like he's depressed too if he's saying things like he doesn't care if he's deported. That's why I'm very reluctant of getting into a relationship when there is any mental health issue going on. It will only compound things.


Can you get into therapy? Can you ask him if he can get into therapy with you?'Cause obviously he needs it.

If therapy is not an option, then you're going to have to give him an ultimatum. I wouldn't word it as an ultimatum, but I would tell him that you need to spend more time as husband and wife and he needs to pay more attention,etc.let it all out.

I've been in therapy since I was about 12 years old. I'm 37 now. Therapy hasn't really done shit to help me. As a matter of fact a lot of the time it makes shit worse. I tried to get my husband into therapy and that worked for about 2 months until he dropped out. He also wouldn't take the medicine. He pretended to and he said he was until I realized that the medicine wasn't running out in the bottle and then he admitted that it or he claimed that it wasn't helping but I realized it it had been helping until he quit taking it. Then I just gave up on that too. I've had enough of fighting with him to try to get him help. He just doesn't want the help. As the old saying goes you can't help someone who doesn't want help. And he's an illegal immigrant he can't get Medicaid he can't get insurance so it's really hard for him to get into therapy he has to go through like church therapists or free therapists. Or he has to pay out of pocket which we both work in fast food that's not easy