My high self is pleading with me to live

[Anhedonic]

I'm high right now. Not so high as to be losing my train of thought. Just a little. Quite clear minded. And I don't want to die.

It's like as soon as the THC is in my blood I become a different person who has far more interest in living than my sober self. I can see potential opportunities and feel hopeful for the future.

I find myself asking the question: which one is the delusion? Are these hopeful feelings unfounded, or is it my sense of despair that's disconnected from reality?

I don't want to just get high all the time. For one, I know my tolerance would increase and eventually I wouldn't be able to get back to this state. And at least for me being high isn't a great state for daily functioning. So... how can I take some of this hope I'm feeling right now and bring it into my sober existence? And how do I make sure I'm doing it in such a way that I'm not indulging in delusional thinking but feeling hopeful in a realistic way.

Last time I was really depressed three years ago I leapt out of it and straight into a period of mania where everything was wonderful and there was nothing but opportunity around me, but that ended up being a very reckless time where I took a lot of risks and in some ways the depression I'm now in the midst of came about as a result of realising that a lot of the things I started believing during that time were not 100% true.

Would love to hear from anyone who's had similar experiences and maybe found some path towards recovery.

 

[Nem]

If things are really bad weed will make you more suicidal. Things must be somewhat stable for you, when I smoke now I feel like ending things quickly, doesn't help me at all
Peace/hugs

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I used to feel that way when I was high but then I realized it was a bit psychedelic and hypomanic. It never transferred into regular life. I think if it could transfer into regular life you probably would have already done it. It's an altered state, not a regular state. When the THC is in your blood, you also can't totally be the person you are when it's not in your blood. I could see taking notes when you are high about things that inspire you and then when you're sober see if they're still inspiring or even worth pursuing.

 

[Broken Chimera]

It seems like that's a normal reaction. When I smoked I would be like "wtf am I thinking?" But when I came down I went back to my regular train of thought. One reason I stopped.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

For me, being high let's me see past my unreasonable thoughts, or emotions. When I smoke regularly I can function, but I'm not as productive. I can actually stop my thoughts long enough about how miserable I am and enjoy other people's company.

my boyfriend once accused me of being addicted to weed after I had to stop smoking for financial reasons. It quickly became apparent that without weed, I'm an incredibly angry and miserable person. It's not a withdrawal thing. That's just who I am now.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I'm high right now. Not so high as to be losing my train of thought. Just a little. Quite clear minded. And I don't want to die.

It's like as soon as the THC is in my blood I become a different person who has far more interest in living than my sober self. I can see potential opportunities and feel hopeful for the future.

I find myself asking the question: which one is the delusion? Are these hopeful feelings unfounded, or is it my sense of despair that's disconnected from reality?

I don't want to just get high all the time. For one, I know my tolerance would increase and eventually I wouldn't be able to get back to this state. And at least for me being high isn't a great state for daily functioning. So... how can I take some of this hope I'm feeling right now and bring it into my sober existence? And how do I make sure I'm doing it in such a way that I'm not indulging in delusional thinking but feeling hopeful in a realistic way.

Last time I was really depressed three years ago I leapt out of it and straight into a period of mania where everything was wonderful and there was nothing but opportunity around me, but that ended up being a very reckless time where I took a lot of risks and in some ways the depression I'm now in the midst of came about as a result of realising that a lot of the things I started believing during that time were not 100% true.

Would love to hear from anyone who's had similar experiences and maybe found some path towards recovery.

If you are physically healthy and it's a mental issue that seems "fixable", consider Microdosing shrooms. It has saved so many people and given them a very happy life. You seem to respond to a slight change of consciousness and perhaps without being totally screwed by pharma meds.