My girlfriend still keeps talking with her ex

[Menschenmühle]

I'm sorry that I'm posting this on a suicide forum, I tried to post it on reddit, but they keep fucking banning my posts for some reason, so I decided to look for general advice here.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about eight months, we've had a lovely time together, and I think our relationship has overall been a very good experience. However, there is something that keeps irking me and which I can't get out of my head. I'll provide you with details.

At the start of our relationship, I realized that my girlfriend still talks to her ex, she did way before we became together. She assures me that she now only treats him as a friend and nothing more. The problem that this so called ex keeps flirting with her, for example he wishes to send her nude pics of him and sometimes asks her to send him photos of her. besides this, she told him that she was in a relationship with me, and he responded that he doesn't recognize or respect this relationship. I told her to block this person, but she insists on not doing so, because, as she says, she doesn't want to be ungrateful towards him as she experienced many good moments with him, and blocking him would be a sign of an ingratitude from her side. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by blocking him. I catched her once saying "I love you" to him. When I confronted her about it, she responded that she only meant the word in a friendly way, and that it doesn't evoke any romantic attachement, as she also says "I love you" to her family aswell, so it's not a word exclusive to a romantic context.

I don't know how to feel about this, I feel incredibly hurt and beyond jealous, and, for a lack of a better word, I feel like a cuck. I have no intention of breaking up as I am certain that she does indeed love me and that her convos with her ex do not really have any malicious intent. But I don't know what to do, she categorically refuses my request to block him and get him out of her life. What the hell should I do about this? I don't feel like I can allow this state of affairs to continue. Despite how much I love her, I must hold on to a bit of self-dignity, don't you think? So how should I approach this?

 

[Linda]

My advice would be that you do nothing, for the moment. If your girlfriend is simply keeping in touch with her ex, there should be no problem. For decades after I met my husband I kept in touch now and again with an ex (who has now died), my husband knew, and even met him a few times, and there were no problems at all. You can't expect all her feelings for him to vanish the day she met you. If you exhibit jealousy it might destroy your new relationship. But discreetly keep an eye on things, so that you can be sure that what is happening between your girlfriend and her ex remains within reasonable bounds. If in doubt, give her a little more freedom rather than a little less, but don't let her take you for a fool either.

 

[inaminute]

My wife talks to her ex and exchanges EMOTICONS like it's normal that type of shit. Not acceptable.

 

[Kasumi]

My wife talks to her ex and exchanges EMOTICONS like it's normal that type of shit. Not acceptable.

are you trying to meme here?

I'm sorry that I'm posting this on a suicide forum, I tried to post it on reddit, but they keep fucking banning my posts for some reason, so I decided to look for general advice here.

reddit lol,.. well yea SaSu is a lot more than a "Suicide Forum" considering how any slightly complicated topic gets banned everywhere else.
We still have an offtopic section though.

Anyway, you can't and shouldn't do much.
It's totally normal and acceptable to keep in touch with exes, at least if you didn't break up from a fight.
So asking her to block him outright is too much, but at the same time it's not right for him to flirt with her.
I think you should share your concers with her, maybe she can ask him to not flirt with her, sending her nudes and stuff...
I can understand her position, it's not like she is flirting with him or treating him as anything else than an ex or a friend, so she isn't doing anything wrong, but maybe she can understand that his behaviour isn't acceptable.

 

[inaminute]

are you trying to meme here?

Umm no just stating fact I wouldn't know how to meme cos I don't care to understand it and Reddit. Both are gen Z creations ergo full of shit.

 

[Kasumi]

Umm no just stating fact I wouldn't know how to meme cos I don't care to understand it and Reddit. Both are gen Z creations ergo full of shit.

eh? so whats wrong about texting with emoticons? they're just part of texting,.. for some more, for some less.

 

[Thanksforeverything]

Does she acknowledge the fact that her ex's behavior is inappropriate or simply brush it off as a joke? If she thinks that her ex saying that he doesn't recognize/respect this relationship or asking to send her nudes is appropriate behavior, then that's really concerning.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I don't feel like there is anything wrong with her ceasing communications with an ex if it makes her bf (you) uncomfortable but I've never been in a relationship so I wouldn't know. It sounds like you're in a tricky spot. I'm sorry you felt you had to post it in a forum like this.

Actually her saying "I love you" to him is very suspect. Who's to say they aren't flirting back with one another? I guess it would be a breach of privacy if you were to look through her phone but it sounds like your concerns aren't entirely unfounded.

 

[catotoctb]

I'm sorry that I'm posting this on a suicide forum, I tried to post it on reddit, but they keep fucking banning my posts for some reason, so I decided to look for general advice here.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about eight months, we've had a lovely time together, and I think our relationship has overall been a very good experience. However, there is something that keeps irking me and which I can't get out of my head. I'll provide you with details.

At the start of our relationship, I realized that my girlfriend still talks to her ex, she did way before we became together. She assures me that she now only treats him as a friend and nothing more. The problem that this so called ex keeps flirting with her, for example he wishes to send her nude pics of him and sometimes asks her to send him photos of her. besides this, she told him that she was in a relationship with me, and he responded that he doesn't recognize or respect this relationship. I told her to block this person, but she insists on not doing so, because, as she says, she doesn't want to be ungrateful towards him as she experienced many good moments with him, and blocking him would be a sign of an ingratitude from her side. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by blocking him. I catched her once saying "I love you" to him. When I confronted her about it, she responded that she only meant the word in a friendly way, and that it doesn't evoke any romantic attachement, as she also says "I love you" to her family aswell, so it's not a word exclusive to a romantic context.

I don't know how to feel about this, I feel incredibly hurt and beyond jealous, and, for a lack of a better word, I feel like a cuck. I have no intention of breaking up as I am certain that she does indeed love me and that her convos with her ex do not really have any malicious intent. But I don't know what to do, she categorically refuses my request to block him and get him out of her life. What the hell should I do about this? I don't feel like I can allow this state of affairs to continue. Despite how much I love her, I must hold on to a bit of self-dignity, don't you think? So how should I approach this?

As someone who has a romantic relationship my advice is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner one more time. I feel like she's taking more importance about her ex than you. I know they are friends but she should worry more about hurting you than his ex, you said "She also says that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by blocking him" like she shouldn't be worried about his feelings but yours. I hope you can tell her all your feelings, im also jealous of my partner sometimes and hurts the hell. You deserve someone who can understand and give you confidence.
Sorry for my english, im spanish. Hope the best for you.

 

[Morte]

I think this is a major red flag on her part. If you are in a relationship you simply don't keep talking to your ex and accepting romantic advances from them. This is quite disrespectful. I don't think this kind of behavior is healthy for a relationship. Btw I can't say much since I have no experience with dating

 

[inaminute]

eh? so whats wrong about texting with emoticons? they're just part of texting,.. for some more, for some less.

The hint is in the word emoticons, they convey emotion

 

[mortuarymary]

I talk with one ex my partner knows about and that's because he's my solicitor and helping me with my divorce from my ex husband. I show my texts to him to.
I chose my partner over my friend. Nothing sexual at all. I've helped him in the past because he too suffers from depression.
but if this ex is continuing to start a sexual or loving relationship please sever ties now.

 

[Kasumi]

Actually her saying "I love you" to him is very suspect. Who's to say they aren't flirting back with one another? I guess it would be a breach of privacy if you were to look through her phone but it sounds like your concerns aren't entirely unfounded.

The term "I love you" can have a very different meaning depending on culture.
In the english speaking world it's widely used to express affection towards someone but the nature of that affection isn't specified.
People regularly say that to their friends, family and, lovers of course.

The hint is in the word emoticons, they convey emotion

That's what they're there for, because you normally convey emotions with your voice and body language, emoticons are there to make up for that flaw in texting, there is nothing weird about that.
Obviously it depends on the kind of emojis, you wouldn't express romantic feelings towards an ex who is just a friend, as such emojis conveying that would be problematic just the same (f.e kiss emojis).

But hearts for example don't necessarily have any romantic feelings attached to them.
They just exist to express affection, that you care, etc.

Something to keep in mind, too, is that girls tend to be using emojis more freely than guys, girls send heart emojis as a normal way to express affection to their friends and other people they generally like, but guys sometimes tend to misunderstand that.
Thats something both should keep in mind tbh, you, so you don't misinterpret your wife's way of communication, but also your wife should keep in mind that it might be misunderstood, especially if her conversation partner is a guy.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

The term "I love you" can have a very different meaning depending on culture.
In the english speaking world it's widely used to express affection towards someone but the nature of that affection isn't specified.
People regularly say that to their friends, family and, lovers of course.

You don't think that there isn't anything strange about saying that despite them being in a romantic relationship, that they're still conversing, that the ex is still flirting, that the ex said that he doesn't even recognize her current relationship as legitimate and yet the girlfriend still continues to entertain this guy?

 

[F&Inside]

Get her out of your life and look for a woman who respects you, there are a lot of women out there! Why have headaches with a lost case? One nail drives out another
Best wishes

 

[SexyIncél]

A bit confusingly, the OP posted the same question in Recovery forum. I offered my analysis there

I think the OP needs to line up replacements ASAP. Like an employer interviewing candidates for the gf position. She failed the hiring process

Some facts:

• She benefits by making the OP compete with her ex — who'll pounce on the OP's every argument or mistake
• The ex benefits from having the OP's gf on a leash. Getting "I love you"'s as a reward for refusing to "recognize or respect this relationship"
• The ex cheated on her, and she still says "I love you"

This is ridiculous. The OP's gf invites people to disrespect her. Apparently, her bf must disrespect her, or become disrespected in turn

If the OP has decent alternatives, he'll get an immediate boost of confidence

---

People mention simply breaking up. Sounds good too! But other gals might find him more attractive if he has a gf. (As long as he's unattached & focuses on his own life independent of her.) Also, having a gf may make him feel less desperate; more daring

In any case, she needs to be replaceable

 

[Kasumi]

You don't think that there isn't anything strange about saying that despite them being in a romantic relationship, that they're still conversing, that the ex is still flirting, that the ex said that he doesn't even recognize her current relationship as legitimate and yet the girlfriend still continues to entertain this guy?

No, if you read my replies you would know that I never said that.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think a lot of people kid themselves into believing they're in total (emotional) control as it pertains to things like exes, but the chances of that are in fact pretty slim. It's difficult to keep engaging with a past flame while feeling absolutely nothing. I tend not to really believe people when they disclose what they do or don't feel for someone, because the waters are often so muddy that it's unlikely they themselves understand what they're involved in. She may not even necessarily want to feel things for this guy, but I think it's clear she still does.

Anyway, I want to say she's for the streets, but I know how hard it is to walk away from someone in practice. I think many of us would rather struggle on than throw everything away and wind up lonely. Still, do ask yourself if you'd rather be alone, or be disrespected. It's a valid question.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I feel like a cuck.

Technically you're the one cucking him, if anything. Have you tried texting him to tell him to stop requesting & sending lewds, among other things? Take control of the situation. Every time he requests or sends a lewd, send him a dick pic. Call him a cuck and remind him who's actually dating your gf. Tell him you don't respect or recognize him, if you want. Or stay confident and show your gf you're the better man.

He shouldn't be requesting or sending lewds, so give him what he wants, lewds except its unsolicited dicks.

If she cheats on you, dump her and then immediately start dating somebody else. People that cheat usually try to hide what they're doing, they don't usually show their texts to their partner. Usually, anyway. I've never felt the need to ask to see somebody else's texts.

 

[SexyIncél]

You don't think that there isn't anything strange about saying that despite them being in a romantic relationship, that they're still conversing, that the ex is still flirting, that the ex said that he doesn't even recognize her current relationship as legitimate and yet the girlfriend still continues to entertain this guy?

Yeah, it's hilarious to imagine myself treating a gf like that. To be so callous when she cries that it hurts, when some psycho ex sends me pouty pics with a leash in her mouth — explicitly begging me to "dump that ugly bitch & cum back to me"

I hold my love & peer into her questioning eyes. "Baby... it's just my nature. To retain affection for every girl who melted all over my hardness"

Hell no. I might amuse my gf by leading on my ex, extracting increasingly ludicrous displays of desire. But I'm not actually letting her threaten the girl I swore to protect against life's cruelties

I had ONE JOB!

Sick sick sick psychopaths. Who know nothing of love. I guess that's why redpillers advise you to only get attached to gals with low body counts. (Because of all the damage that ran-through women accumulate, the bad habits they learned, etc)

 

[Adûnâi]

Hell no. I might amuse my gf by leading on my ex, extracting increasingly ludicrous displays of desire. But I'm not actually letting her threaten the girl I swore to protect against life's cruelties

But you're an incel, right? Then how would you be able to imagine yourself in such a situation? It's like imagining yourself next to the nuclear briefcase when being Mr. President - it's difficult to ascertain one's thoughts without experiencing it in reality.

 

[SexyIncél]

But you're an incel, right? Then how would you be able to imagine yourself in such a situation? It's like imagining yourself next to the nuclear briefcase when being Mr. President - it's difficult to ascertain one's thoughts without experiencing it in reality.

That's a puzzle for you to figure out :)

 

[Adûnâi]

People mention simply breaking up. Sounds good too! But other gals might find him more attractive if he has a gf. (As long as he's unattached & focuses on his own life independent of her.) Also, having a gf may make him feel less desperate; more daring

In any case, she needs to be replaceable

Yeah, that's both true and disgusting. Of course, beggars can't be choosers, that's why the OP doesn't dare to risk it.