Venting My "friends" all abandoned me

[Mr.Mediocre]

It's not like they ever cared to begin with but it's incredibly disheartening to realize that they have absolutely no problem cutting you lose because you have nothing to offer them. My last remaining friend just used me as his little emotional shoulder so he could complain about his life to me and expect my empathy.

When I stopped giving him that empathy he no longer talks to me, still hangs out with his group of friends daily, pretends like I don't exist until once again he relapses and now suddenly wants to die again.

I finally worked up the rage to simply tell him to fuck off. I don't even care how much it bothers him because clearly he never cared about my own well being to begin with.

Now I have absolutely no relationships on, or off the internet. Because I am a failure of a human being and I do not deserve the slightest bit of happiness or joy in my life. Even my family views me as a let down. Getting a girlfriend is just a fantasy at this point because on top of all of this I am ugly and have various medical problems that prevent me to living life to the fullest.

I can't even go outside anymore without anxiety so severe that it activates my fight/flight response. I can't even sleep without nightmares of being abused or harassed. Yet for some reason I still cannot work up the mental strength required to follow through with suicide, despite knowing in all aspects that I am utterly hopeless in the present and future. If I was able to acquire a shotgun that would make it easier, as I want my body to be discovered mangled and unrecognizable.

I have drank a sub-lethal dose of SN before but the lightheadness and confusion scared me away from consuming a larger dose, it wasn't peaceful or fast enough.

I can't have a girlfriend nor can I ever have friends or a remotely normal life. What a fucking tragedy.

 

[Angina]

Similar here.

"Same here, most people are trash."
- Poison Ivy to Harley Quinn (HQ S01E12, 21 mins).

I'm glad that DC isn't sugar-coating the reality.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

It's called "fair weather friends" and that even extends to family. It's when people only deal with you if you're happy or atleast faking happiness.

It's tough to come to the realization that you're ultimately alone. But it's one of those inherent truths. Especially for those in our situation.

 

[nooo2]

People fucking suck, and the ones that lack empathy or have no empathy at all thrive in this world, especially on the internet but don't let that cloud your view, there's so many amazing people on this planet and don't say you're not worthy of happiness, we all are worthy of it.

 

[Bct]

Sorry to hear that. It's really awful when some people can mercilessly cut people they deem not useful anymore. Still, there are people who are truly kind & compassionate but sometimes it's not possible to be able to find them in real life.

 

[Susannah]

I can relate. I'm a yes- person by heart, and all my friends found comfort when talking to me. I'm a good listener, and I tolerate a lot of complains and negativity. I seek solutions (not for myself), and I have good implementation capacity. When I "hit the wall" my friends stopped calling me, didn't answer when I tried to reach out for help. Even my family turned out useless. My mum even said "nobody likes sadness and depressed persons". I slowly cut my friends out. Still stuck with my family, but the rolls are changed back. Being alone in my head/life works for me. I don't need fake friend.

Lots of loveS