Devils_candY
Afraid of life... scared to sleep...
- Oct 23, 2020
- 46
Hi family,
I have an extremely good irl friend who has been in the same shoes as I for insert 20 years. My buddy E and I met when we were 8 years old. My father was an AB (aryan brotherhood), well he wasn't an AB, he still is AB, locked up for a triple murder right now. He for some reason put me in an predominantly black school. So I had some of the most loyal friends of my life, and the best friends I ever had that were black. The only reason I told uou that is because I want you to know how E and I met.
E was and still is the best friend I have ever met. He couldn't have been put in a better position or a better time for me. E btw, was is and will always be my best friend. At the age when we turned 12 we somehow started talking about depression, and anxiety about life. That same ahe we kinds both felt the other slipping away from the want to continue life. We somehow created a mutual affection for death. Over the next few years we had somehow created a partner in one another and became confident bond through death. E and I developed a kinship that I have found that very few people have with any type of relationship they create in any context. I am truly a lucky person to have him here with me... and im on high about knowing I'll spend eternity chillin' in our mansion, together in the Summer Lands.
This whole humdrum is for this reason. E and, like I said, created a partnership. We understand each other, we love one another, we do everything together, we support each other, and no matter what, never, will we leave each other only with the knowledge that our mutual understanding is greatly supportive of each other's decision that it's best for us in the long run.
E, last night, died and was brought back to life about ten minutes later... he was highly upset about that. I on the other hand was actually very mixed about that. At first I found him on the floor, unconscious, with his eyes wide open, death stare that was blank of anything, even a sense of life, having left his body. He was breathing, barely. At about 7pm last night. Heres a little background for yesterday. E and myself are drug users. We use almost anything other than cocaine or methamphetamine. It's not that we think those drugs or people who use them are bad. I support anyone and so does E. We will never judge, and only support everyone. But we had some heroin yesterday. Which is something that we sometimes do and have discussed using fentanyl or heroin as a method. The dope we had was very strong and probably had fentanyl in it. After doing the first line yesterday I went to just take a walk with my roommate having left E behind
when we got back, E was laying the floor, in the position a just mentioned. I had no idea he tried to ctb. And he says he wasn't initially planning on ctb either. He says he was alone and had figured out the H had F in it. It was at that moment he went through with the plan, just absent of me. He expressed that he was not left with much decision regarding me and how strong the H was. He said he felt himself going and just wanted to get it over with. So he did what he had to do. I hadn't really understood this till about an hour ago. He is sitting right next to me. And we're here, talking, crying, loving and supporting each other.
the thing is that I feel very selfish right now, having only wanted what I felt was right. He has no forced obedience. He is not living on only my timeline. I support anything either of us dream up knowing we only have the best of ourselves as friends and of our best judgment for ourselves.
I love this bbuddy. He'll only do what he feels best. So will I. But it hurts to even think about each other's departure. And it'll always hurt knowing the others life has to end. I love E, and I'll always want the best for him. He is doing the best for him. I support that. I know the same goes for him about me. That is a really comforting feeling. And it's even more comforting knowing I can rack next to me and hug a friend that is 100% on my side... which we just did...
I guess I wasn't too know, am I selfish? Is he selfish? Or is it just a natural feeling wanting to help each other...
im open top any type of conclusion and henceforth conversation...
thanks y'all!
love y'all!
I have an extremely good irl friend who has been in the same shoes as I for insert 20 years. My buddy E and I met when we were 8 years old. My father was an AB (aryan brotherhood), well he wasn't an AB, he still is AB, locked up for a triple murder right now. He for some reason put me in an predominantly black school. So I had some of the most loyal friends of my life, and the best friends I ever had that were black. The only reason I told uou that is because I want you to know how E and I met.
E was and still is the best friend I have ever met. He couldn't have been put in a better position or a better time for me. E btw, was is and will always be my best friend. At the age when we turned 12 we somehow started talking about depression, and anxiety about life. That same ahe we kinds both felt the other slipping away from the want to continue life. We somehow created a mutual affection for death. Over the next few years we had somehow created a partner in one another and became confident bond through death. E and I developed a kinship that I have found that very few people have with any type of relationship they create in any context. I am truly a lucky person to have him here with me... and im on high about knowing I'll spend eternity chillin' in our mansion, together in the Summer Lands.
This whole humdrum is for this reason. E and, like I said, created a partnership. We understand each other, we love one another, we do everything together, we support each other, and no matter what, never, will we leave each other only with the knowledge that our mutual understanding is greatly supportive of each other's decision that it's best for us in the long run.
E, last night, died and was brought back to life about ten minutes later... he was highly upset about that. I on the other hand was actually very mixed about that. At first I found him on the floor, unconscious, with his eyes wide open, death stare that was blank of anything, even a sense of life, having left his body. He was breathing, barely. At about 7pm last night. Heres a little background for yesterday. E and myself are drug users. We use almost anything other than cocaine or methamphetamine. It's not that we think those drugs or people who use them are bad. I support anyone and so does E. We will never judge, and only support everyone. But we had some heroin yesterday. Which is something that we sometimes do and have discussed using fentanyl or heroin as a method. The dope we had was very strong and probably had fentanyl in it. After doing the first line yesterday I went to just take a walk with my roommate having left E behind
when we got back, E was laying the floor, in the position a just mentioned. I had no idea he tried to ctb. And he says he wasn't initially planning on ctb either. He says he was alone and had figured out the H had F in it. It was at that moment he went through with the plan, just absent of me. He expressed that he was not left with much decision regarding me and how strong the H was. He said he felt himself going and just wanted to get it over with. So he did what he had to do. I hadn't really understood this till about an hour ago. He is sitting right next to me. And we're here, talking, crying, loving and supporting each other.
the thing is that I feel very selfish right now, having only wanted what I felt was right. He has no forced obedience. He is not living on only my timeline. I support anything either of us dream up knowing we only have the best of ourselves as friends and of our best judgment for ourselves.
I love this bbuddy. He'll only do what he feels best. So will I. But it hurts to even think about each other's departure. And it'll always hurt knowing the others life has to end. I love E, and I'll always want the best for him. He is doing the best for him. I support that. I know the same goes for him about me. That is a really comforting feeling. And it's even more comforting knowing I can rack next to me and hug a friend that is 100% on my side... which we just did...
I guess I wasn't too know, am I selfish? Is he selfish? Or is it just a natural feeling wanting to help each other...
im open top any type of conclusion and henceforth conversation...
thanks y'all!
love y'all!
