My friend threatened suicide because I didn't talk to her for 8 days.

[primarilycoal]

So yeah this happened a few weeks ago. I tried to reach out and meet up and talk more with her, but she stopped responding. I feel conflicted, because I don't have the mental energy to support her and reach out to her, without getting worse myself. If this had happened 6 months ago when I was a NEET, then I would have been able to keep reaching out, but I got a new job this year (which btw was the reason I didn't talk to her for 8 days, because I was busy with work) and I just can't focus on getting to know my coworkers and performing at work, when I engage with her. She makes me feel as though I am a horrible person for wanting to perform well at work and thus "ignoring" her. I am not ignoring her. I was the one who reached out after 8 days and had she reached out beforehand I would have responded.

Anyways on to the reason I made this thread: Is it okay for me to cut her out, when she keeps doing this? And also does anyone have any experience with someone like this and how did you deal with it? Did it turn out alright?
Also forgot to mention: She only does this when I am having success in my life

 

[Janine]

That is just wrong of her, you did nothing wrong. Some sick people enjoy pulling others down while not returning any favors themselves; hence the occasions she does this on. I don't want to interfere with your life, but I definetly recommend to cut people like these out of your life.

 

[aubrey!]

Suicide baiting angers me. The amount of people who have used suicide as bait to lure me into a deeper hole. And guess what, they're all alive today. Nobody really needed me that much, you're replaceable to them, they'll just move on to the next person.

If it really bothers you, cutting her out isn't a problem. You aren't obligated to be her support.
I started cutting out people who do that stuff out my life. Saves me a lot of my already little energy.

 

[Sparr0w]

yikes, i'd cut her off, yeah. you need to work on boundries and set them, she might be feeling insecure about you not talking to her, but she can't have your attention 24/7.

i had an ex-friend who'd spam my phone with calls and leave me a million messages, and she sometimes told another friend (and occasionally me) that she'd kill herself without us. she didn't like my friends so she refused to meet them, and i set a boundry of splitting time between her and them (this was back in highschool) that she violated time and time again. and then i ghosted her, and she's still alive, and i started to realise just how much she'd never respected my boundries and how much i'd hated hanging out with her and felt forced to.

if you don't enjoy hanging out with that friend, don't. if she wanted to talk to you, she should have texted you about it, and the fact that she didn't, then blamed you? it speaks volumes about her character.

you're not her plaything, you're not even her romantic partner. you're a friend. she isn't entirled to your time. if she really killed herself because you weren't friends with her anymore? that's not your fault. it would not be, and it never could be.

 

[primarilycoal]

Suicide baiting angers me. The amount of people who have used suicide as bait to lure me into a deeper hole. And guess what, they're all alive today. Nobody really needed me that much, you're replaceable to them, they'll just move on to the next person.

If it really bothers you, cutting her out isn't a problem. You aren't obligated to be her support.
I started cutting out people who do that stuff out my life. Saves me a lot of my already little energy.

Problem is: She has attempted suicide before. She was close, but since her method was OD she was discovered and sent to the hospital. I think she might do it.

That is just wrong of her, you did nothing wrong. Some sick people enjoy pulling others down while not returning any favors themselves; hence the occasions she does this on. I don't want to interfere with your life, but I definetly recommend to cut people like these out of your life.

I am afraid that if I cut to many people out, I won't have anyone left.

 

[Galileo3630]

I can understand that you're feeling conflicted and unsure about what to do in this situation. It's not easy to deal with a friend who is threatening suicide, and it can be especially challenging when you're dealing with your own personal and professional responsibilities. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for your friend's well-being, and that it's not your fault if she is making you feel guilty or trying to manipulate you.

However, I also want to emphasize that suicide threats should always be taken seriously, and that it's important to encourage your friend to seek help and support. You can let her know that you care about her and want her to be safe, but it's also okay to set boundaries and take care of yourself. It's not fair for her to expect you to prioritize her needs over your own, especially if it's causing you distress and interfering with your work.

In terms of whether it's okay to cut her out of your life, that's a decision that only you can make. It's important to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship and consider how it's impacting your own well-being. If your friend's behavior is consistently negative and causing you more harm than good, then it may be necessary to distance yourself from her. However, I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with her about how you're feeling and why you need to take a step back. This can help to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings, and allow you both to move forward in a more positive direction.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge that dealing with a friend who threatens suicide can be a difficult and emotional experience. It's okay to seek support and guidance from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools and resources you need to take care of yourself and support your friend in a healthy and productive way.

 

[primarilycoal]

yikes, i'd cut her off, yeah. you need to work on boundries and set them, she might be feeling insecure about you not talking to her, but she can't have your attention 24/7.

i had an ex-friend who'd spam my phone with calls and leave me a million messages, and she sometimes told another friend (and occasionally me) that she'd kill herself without us. she didn't like my friends so she refused to meet them, and i set a boundry of splitting time between her and them (this was back in highschool) that she violated time and time again. and then i ghosted her, and she's still alive, and i started to realise just how much she'd never respected my boundries and how much i'd hated hanging out with her and felt forced to.

if you don't enjoy hanging out with that friend, don't. if she wanted to talk to you, she should have texted you about it, and the fact that she didn't, then blamed you? it speaks volumes about her character.

you're not her plaything, you're not even her romantic partner. you're a friend. she isn't entirled to your time. if she really killed herself because you weren't friends with her anymore? that's not your fault. it would not be, and it never could be.

The thing about her treating me like a plaything sorta makes me think about the time she gave me drugs while I was in recovery, then she said we should play a strip game. We did and when we were done I went to her radiator and sat there trying to keep warm. I asked her if it was alright if we put our clothes back on, but she said that she didn't want to and I couldn't either because then she would "feel weird" being the only one naked. I said fine and she came over and started kissing me and touching me. I am asexual, but not sex repulsed so I didn't care. The thing that makes me feel weird is that the day after she wrote and said she wanted to cut me out because she thought I would tell mutual friends about the experience. Then I became worried that the reason she made sexual advances towards me was so she could threaten to cut me out afterwards. She didn't. Instead she waited until I begged her not to and then she said "I missed you being obsessed with me". I thought it was very weird.

 

[primarilycoal]

I can understand that you're feeling conflicted and unsure about what to do in this situation. It's not easy to deal with a friend who is threatening suicide, and it can be especially challenging when you're dealing with your own personal and professional responsibilities. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for your friend's well-being, and that it's not your fault if she is making you feel guilty or trying to manipulate you.

However, I also want to emphasize that suicide threats should always be taken seriously, and that it's important to encourage your friend to seek help and support. You can let her know that you care about her and want her to be safe, but it's also okay to set boundaries and take care of yourself. It's not fair for her to expect you to prioritize her needs over your own, especially if it's causing you distress and interfering with your work.

In terms of whether it's okay to cut her out of your life, that's a decision that only you can make. It's important to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship and consider how it's impacting your own well-being. If your friend's behavior is consistently negative and causing you more harm than good, then it may be necessary to distance yourself from her. However, I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with her about how you're feeling and why you need to take a step back. This can help to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings, and allow you both to move forward in a more positive direction.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge that dealing with a friend who threatens suicide can be a difficult and emotional experience. It's okay to seek support and guidance from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools and resources you need to take care of yourself and support your friend in a healthy and productive way.

I really did try. Atleast I think I did. But I can't anymore. I am going to try one last time to reach out to her. If that doesn't work, then I will write to her and explain the situation.

 

[Galileo3630]

It's good to hear that you're going to try to reach out to your friend one last time, and I hope that it goes well. Remember to be gentle and compassionate with yourself and your friend, and to prioritize your own well-being while also trying to support her.

If you do decide to write to her and explain the situation, it's important to be clear and direct about your feelings and boundaries. Let her know that you care about her and want to support her, but that you also need to take care of yourself and your own responsibilities. You can offer to help her find resources and support, but it's important to make it clear that you cannot be her sole source of support.

Remember, it's not your responsibility to "fix" your friend's problems or to rescue her from her pain. It's important to encourage her to seek help and support, and to be a supportive and compassionate friend when you can. However, it's also okay to set boundaries and take care of yourself, especially if her behavior is causing you significant distress or harm.

 

[aubrey!]

Problem is: She has attempted suicide before. She was close, but since her method was OD she was discovered and sent to the hospital. I think she might do it.

Did it have a lot to do with losing someone, or just because she was struggling at the time?

Regardless, it really does not have to be your problem, shouldn't have to be, and you shouldn't have to feel guilty.

Of course, in a perfect world you wouldn't feel guilty anyway..

 

[primarilycoal]

Did it have a lot to do with losing someone, or just because she was struggling at the time?

Regardless, it really does not have to be your problem, shouldn't have to be, and you shouldn't have to feel guilty.

Of course, in a perfect world you wouldn't feel guilty anyway..

As far as I can tell she is just never happy no matter what her life is like. She's alot like me in that way. Where we differ is that she has more extreme mood swings which sometimes do have triggers, but other times seem random to me atleast. Thank you for saying I shouldn't feel guilty, but it's hard when I've know her since we were kids. Sometime during puberty she just started having these mood swings.

It's good to hear that you're going to try to reach out to your friend one last time, and I hope that it goes well. Remember to be gentle and compassionate with yourself and your friend, and to prioritize your own well-being while also trying to support her.

If you do decide to write to her and explain the situation, it's important to be clear and direct about your feelings and boundaries. Let her know that you care about her and want to support her, but that you also need to take care of yourself and your own responsibilities. You can offer to help her find resources and support, but it's important to make it clear that you cannot be her sole source of support.

Remember, it's not your responsibility to "fix" your friend's problems or to rescue her from her pain. It's important to encourage her to seek help and support, and to be a supportive and compassionate friend when you can. However, it's also okay to set boundaries and take care of yourself, especially if her behavior is causing you significant distress or harm.

The problem is I don't think she sees them as problems. For instance, when I talk with our mutual friends more than her, she will start "leaking" information about what they alledgedly say about me. Always bad stuff. But I have caught her several times lying about that, but when confronted she either flat out refuses she lied or she says something along the lines of "It is necessary so you don't forget me and spend all your time with them". She has never apologized to me for anything she has done to hurt me. And yet I can't stop caring about her and trying to keep her attention.

 

[DeSannar]

Yes, it is okay to cut people like this out of your life. I personally was (still am) such person myself. I assume, they are feeling envy towards you. They may want comfort in mutual misery, but your success puts a wall between you and them. They may want help (more like pampering) to get over whatever is in their mind. Road to successfully keeping people around you while in poor mental state yourself is to accept own share of surrounding people's time, however small it may be, and just keeping to yourself. I hope they will come to such conclusion, because personally, after many people getting "cut off" from me I managed to keep two acquaintances/"friends" in my life. Your friend may never find "happy", so you should not force yourself to this bog. I hope they will find some crutch to continue being, but you, OP, have no obligation to be one. Everyone is master of their own story... I wish you luck and strength to be happy OP!

 

[primarilycoal]

Yes, it is okay to cut people like this out of your life. I personally was (still am) such person myself. I assume, they are feeling envy towards you. They may want comfort in mutual misery, but your success puts a wall between you and them. They may want help (more like pampering) to get over whatever is in their mind. Road to successfully keeping people around you while in poor mental state yourself is to accept own share of surrounding people's time, however small it may be, and just keeping to yourself. I hope they will come to such conclusion, because personally, after many people getting "cut off" from me I managed to keep two acquaintances/"friends" in my life. Your friend may never find "happy", so you should not force yourself to this bog. I hope they will find some crutch to continue being, but you, OP, have no obligation to be one. Everyone is master of their own story... I wish you luck and strength to be happy OP!

This might sound weird, but for some reason this feels like the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you.

 

[Zetsubou]

After reading all of your responses, all I can say is "yikes." I'm sorry to hear that she is suicidal and it does sound like she's going through a hard time, but that doesn't excuse her inappropriate and manipulative behavior towards you. I agree with everyone else, it's best to cut her out of your life if she doesn't respect your boundaries and is trying to bring you down.

 

[primarilycoal]

After reading all of your responses, all I can say is "yikes." I'm sorry to hear that she is suicidal and it does sound like she's going through a hard time, but that doesn't excuse her inappropriate and manipulative behavior towards you. I agree with everyone else, it's best to cut her out of your life if she doesn't respect your boundaries and is trying to bring you down.

Yeah for a long time she was one of the only friends I had. It's only recently I have begun thinking about if I actually enjoy being around her or if she was just the only option. Writing all this out is really making me question my friendship with her.

 

[LocalAngel]

If you genuinely believe that all of this is too much to handle (and it seems like it), then cutting them off really is the only option here. Continuing to interact will pull you further into the rabbit-hole, and it can go a lot deeper and nastier. Saying this from experience.

Even if you cut them off and they attempt, it really, truly, isn't your fault. And as hard as it is to admit, you aren't other peoples responsibility. You just aren't.

 

[primarilycoal]

If you genuinely believe that all of this is too much to handle (and it seems like it), then cutting them off really is the only option here. Continuing to interact will pull you further into the rabbit-hole, and it can go a lot deeper and nastier. Saying this from experience.

Even if you cut them off and they attempt, it really, truly, isn't your fault. And as hard as it is to admit, you aren't other peoples responsibility. You just aren't.

Thank you. I believe you when you say you are saying that from experience. Thus I have decided on my course of action. I do not know the etiquette on forums/this forum, but if it is not considered rude, I will stop replying unless someone asks me a question. I will probably still read the replys that might trinkle in from time to time.

 

[guayabas]

oh jeez, yeah she sounds manipulative af and I think it's safest for you to cut her off. She sounds really narcissistic. I've had ppl like that in my life and I was so much happier after I left. It was a similar thing, threatening suicide, ruining positive things in my life, triangulation (when they pit you against other ppl), intense mood swings, often over seemingly nothing, lying, gaslighting, refusing to be accountable, showing no empathy or feigning empathy but never changing their behavior. It sounds like she cut off communication with you already anyway. she may try to hoover you though (suck you back into her life/drama). It's entirely up to you what you wanna do but I think it's perfectly ok to just completely cut ties with her, block her number, block her on social media, etc. Just gray rock her, don't give her any reactions, don't respond to her. Eventually she'll get bored and move on to someone else.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you're able to focus on your new job and find better friends who treat you the way you deserve. I recommend lots of self care if you can. good luck!