My friend ended her life. I don't know what to do.

[dietsodamnsad]

I found out a couple of hours ago. We met on a psych ward in March and became really close very quickly. I was admitted to another ward last night, which is around the time that she was found dead.

I don't know what to do with myself. I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry.

 

[Inner_dialogue]

Hey, it's not your fault!! She's at peace now hopefully maybe it will help if you see it like that? She's finally stopped being in pain. But you have nothing to be sorry for!

 

[TheGoodGuy]

You have no reason to be sorry it was your friend´s CHOICE, and she must have suffered a lot and probably for a long time so she just wanted to end her pain and she succeeded you should be happy for her but understandably you would be sad over losing a friend, but surely you understand her since I assume you either have depression, suicidal thoughts or both.

 

[sighingspider]

Like what @Inner_dialogue said, it's really not your fault at all. Think about it, you 2 got really close before her departure off this world. You made her feel that she is not alone. You made her feel loved, and probably cherished. Anything that you had done, probably made her final days better. You soothe her being her friend. You shouldn't be sad, instead, you should feel that you made a sad person a bit happier.

 

[MBlue]

My friend committed suicide too...
If you like to talk you can write to me. I don't have any advices but I understand exactly what you are feeling now and I'm very sorry :(

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's certainly not any fault of yours but I can understand your feeling, She's gone and it's awful. I lost someone on here. It's not the same, but we were close and I always wondered if I could have done more to keep her here. Ultimately it was her choice and we have to content ourselves that we brought something positive to a life that was otherwise full of darkness. I mourned my friend, I felt guilt, but I don't regret one bit knowing her or the relationship we had.

 

[Inner_dialogue]

One of my closet friends committed suicide a few
Months ago. I felt really guilty because she had told me she was struggling but I didn't really do much to help because I was dealing with my own shit. It's taken me until recently to be able to be at peace with it because I know how she felt, because I'm feeling it now. I'm glad she's no longer suffering

 

[dietsodamnsad]

Hey, it's not your fault!! She's at peace now hopefully maybe it will help if you see it like that? She's finally stopped being in pain. But you have nothing to be sorry for!

That's true. She was suffering a lot. I just can't help think there was something I could have done. I don't know what to do with myself.

You have no reason to be sorry it was your friend´s CHOICE, and she must have suffered a lot and probably for a long time so she just wanted to end her pain and she succeeded you should be happy for her but understandably you would be sad over losing a friend, but surely you understand her since I assume you either have depression, suicidal thoughts or both.

I understand why she did it, but I'm not happy. I'm being selfish but I'm so devastated she's gone. She was a light in so many people's lives. I wish she could have found peace on earth. I could have done something about it.

Like what @Inner_dialogue said, it's really not your fault at all. Think about it, you 2 got really close before her departure off this world. You made her feel that she is not alone. You made her feel loved, and probably cherished. Anything that you had done, probably made her final days better. You soothe her being her friend. You shouldn't be sad, instead, you should feel that you made a sad person a bit happier.

Thank you that means a lot to hear.

My friend committed suicide too...
If you like to talk you can write to me. I don't have any advices but I understand exactly what you are feeling now and I'm very sorry :(

I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing. This is hell.

It's certainly not any fault of yours but I can understand your feeling, She's gone and it's awful. I lost someone on here. It's not the same, but we were close and I always wondered if I could have done more to keep her here. Ultimately it was her choice and we have to content ourselves that we brought something positive to a life that was otherwise full of darkness. I mourned my friend, I felt guilt, but I don't regret one bit knowing her or the relationship we had.

Thank you. I hope she loved the time we spent together like I did. I'm sorry for your loss too.

One of my closet friends committed suicide a few
Months ago. I felt really guilty because she had told me she was struggling but I didn't really do much to help because I was dealing with my own shit. It's taken me until recently to be able to be at peace with it because I know how she felt, because I'm feeling it now. I'm glad she's no longer suffering

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this too.

 

[BridgeJumper]

My best friend of 8 years committed suicide last year. We talked every single day, we even lived together at one point.
I had a 4 month long, complete nervous breakdown.
I understand how youre feeling
It makes me so helpless knowing that I couldnt fix him, and that we both cant take what happened back, dont know how to deal with it....
My condolences :(

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I dealt with it by coming on here and relentlessly interacting with everybody I could. It helped a little.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I found out a couple of hours ago. We met on a psych ward in March and became really close very quickly. I was admitted to another ward last night, which is around the time that she was found dead.

I don't know what to do with myself. I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry.

I'm really sorry for your loss. There is something to be said about having a friend who suffers similar slings and arrows of the world that one can have common ground with making one's time alive slightly more bearable.

 

[MeriDeath]

It is very understandable how you feel, my deepest condolescens upon the passing of your friend. Sometimes in life we find love in a hopeless place. I myself have spent some time in a psychiatric ward and found there some friends too. But I knew what faith was holding for them. And for me. It's just the route we take in life I guess, every story has an ending eventually, and so will ours. You can see her in the stars now. as she put the end to her suffering, I wish you the best and I hope you take care of yourself now.

 

[Alec]

I don't have words. If you are saying you are sorry because you feel guilty, I want to tell you, this is not your fault!! And I think your friend would agree with me. But if are saying that because you are expressing compassion, I understand. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I think especially as someone who is in our kind of situation, you know why she did it, and crossed that line. You know that she was looking for peace, and I hope she has it now. I know it hurts, but we have to respect her choice. She's is very brave and strong to go through with it and achieve it. And especially us, we know that sometimes, it's the best choice. I love you, and I love your friend, and both of you are gonna be alright.

Love,
—Alec.

 

[TowerUpright]

First, I'm sorry for your loss. I think, especially with friends, it's natural to be selfish. Take this time and grieve. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

I'm glad you realize it isn't your fault. She made a choice and this is some of the aftermath. But you said she was in a lot of pain. Hopefully, she's a peace right now. That is something I personally would focus on if a close friend of mine CTB'd.

You've got a community here that will support you. We're here for you, as you need it.

 

[thouisdead]

Hey, I was were you are and I know how it hurts. I also lost a friend (I loved him soooo much that I can't really tell you how much) and it hurts everyday. I'm the one to say "I'm sorry" to you, because I know how it hurts (again!).
As you notice, I don't have a lot of words, but I'll tell you something you know. Nothing I say you will heal your heart.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't say it gets better because I'm here, but please, the way you can, be fine. ❤❤❤
(If you want to talk, I'm here)

 

[noaccount]

There were people I wished I could have been there for, before they killed themselves, even if I don't think it would have changed their decision at all - just that before they went, I wish we could have understood each other better, could have had more moments of peace or camaraderie, and just go into shock with the impossibility of closure about that.

And endless endless fury at people with power who made their lives so unbearable, parents who abused them, police and lawyers who got them locked up, bureaucrats who took their healthcare away, etc.

Sorry Soda.

 

[bornfree]

safe from those who would lock her up and imprison her alive to torture her

 

[Justinian]

There were people I wished I could have been there for, before they killed themselves, even if I don't think it would have changed their decision at all - just that before they went, I wish we could have understood each other better, could have had more moments of peace or camaraderie, and just go into shock with the impossibility of closure about.

That's very beautifully said. If only more people could be as understanding and non-judgmental as you are.