Venting My first psych ward stay

[moralfag]

Shortly after I posted my last post I attempted again (OD) but, as you can tell from me still being alive, it failed. I was locked up in the psych ward for two weeks and have to follow up with 3 weeks of PHP. (I start PHP next week).
Nobody noticed I was gone. Not a single text. Not a single call.
I don't understand why I am not allowed to ctb. Nobody cares for me when I'm alive yet they decide to lock me up in the hospital when I try to die. I don't get it.
The hospitalization didn't help one bit. I was placed in the adolescent/teenage ward (not the adult one) despite me being 18 (they said it had to do with me still being in school), so it was already extremely awkward being the only adult. On top of that, they didn't do a single thing to help. They only told me "you need to get better" without actually giving me any advice on how to get better. I've tried. I've tried so hard to get better I don't understand why they can't see that.
I'm mostly just upset that not a single soul noticed I was gone. I could understand my attempt being prevented because it was troubling to other people, but it is so obvious that nobody cares. I just wish I was able to find peace.
The hospital stay itself wasn't bad. It was mostly just boring. The same old "think happy thoughts!!" bs that looks like it would be plastered on a cringey poster from Amazon. Like I stated before, nobody helped at all. All they did was start me on a new medication. It hasn't helped.
I wonder if all hospitals are like this, or if life can ever get better for me…
Thank you for sitting through this whole rant, sorry if it's typed badly. My head is still reeling from recent events.
Much love to everyone!

 

[peewee]

hunny i get it same things happened to me....i attempted and it was like nothing when i told my friends...ive begged to see them as ive been isolated after a traumatic event, but they just basically ignore or tell me to pull it together....i dont know what to say, i care about you and i dont even know you. your so young im sorry your going through this, im not too much older (25) but i really feel your pain. sending love ad hugs and care, i hope you get better whatever that means for you, though ofc i understand the desperation that drives us to attempt. also funny story i went to 'trauma' therapy and they read me a poem and asked if i know what mindfulness is. its cute but like wtf??

 

[moralfag]

hunny i get it same things happened to me....i attempted and it was like nothing when i told my friends...ive begged to see them as ive been isolated after a traumatic event, but they just basically ignore or tell me to pull it together....i dont know what to say, i care about you and i dont even know you. your so young im sorry your going through this, im not too much older (25) but i really feel your pain. sending love ad hugs and care, i hope you get better whatever that means for you, though ofc i understand the desperation that drives us to attempt. also funny story i went to 'trauma' therapy and they read me a poem and asked if i know what mindfulness is. its cute but like wtf??

Thank you for the reply!! I've never understood the whole cutesy therapy stuff, I understand it might work on some children but at the end of the day poems and meditation can only do so much lol. The hospital I was at did things similar to that, even trying to tell me yoga would fix my problems. It was super funny in a way haha.
Thanks for all your kind words too, you're also young yourself and I'm sorry life brought you too this point as well, I'm wishing you the same love, care, and hugs!!
I hope you're able to find peace wherever life takes you

 

[Pale_Rider]

They don't want to have to dig a hole?

 

[Slark]

I went through two psychiatric hospitalizations and had similar experiences to yours. Unfortunately, people always try to give generic advice and rarely do anything that really helps. In my case, none of my friends cared either, but I'm used to it because I almost never managed to form real bonds. I'm sorry you're in this situation and I hope something can truly help you find peace.

 

[moralfag]

They don't want to have to dig a hole?

That's the only reason I can think of as to why I am not allowed to ctb haha. I guess digging a hole and putting me in a coffin would be too much work for them. Thanks for your reply!!

I went through two psychiatric hospitalizations and had similar experiences to yours. Unfortunately, people always try to give generic advice and rarely do anything that really helps. In my case, none of my friends cared either, but I'm used to it because I almost never managed to form real bonds. I'm sorry you're in this situation and I hope something can truly help you find peace.

I'm sorry you're in the same situation, it truly does suck. I wish more psychiatric institutions would realize that generic "be happy" quotes don't help some people. Thanks for your reply, I hope you're able to find real bonds someday too!! Much love

 

[Hollowman]

They lock you up because there's not much money to be made off of dead people.

 

[moralfag]

They lock you up because there's not much money to be made off of dead people.

That's true. The bill for my forced hospital stay is probably going to be a fortune and put me in a worse mental state than I was already in. I guess they need to profit somehow, even at the cost of other's wellbeing. Society is very greedy.
Thanks for your reply :)

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Psych hospitals and the experience in general are definitely masters of sending patients mixed, contradictory messages, as you saw.

I am sorry you went through that.

I hope PHP helps you. It sounds like you're being forced to do that. If so, might as well be as open-minded to it as possible even if its hard

 

[moralfag]

Psych hospitals and the experience in general are definitely masters of sending patients mixed, contradictory messages, as you saw.

I am sorry you went through that.

I hope PHP helps you. It sounds like you're being forced to do that. If so, might as well be as open-minded to it as possible even if its hard

Thanks for your reply!! Even though normal hospitalization didn't help me I'm trying my best to keep an open mind about PHP. I'm forced to go either way so there's nothing I lose from trying to get better, even if it doesn't work at least I can say I tried. :) Much love!