My first post, but not my first suicide rodeo

[tradecode62]

I have tried a couple of times over the years to "catch the bus", and obviously I am still here..

One time, I swallowed more than two hundred sleeping pills but I woke up 24 hours later.

My second real attempt was when I went into a motel restroom and tried to make H2S(hydrogen sulfide), bit I too quickly added way too much acid to the lime sulfur and the chemical reaction was fairly violent..

I considering multiple methods including dancing with a train and sodium nitrite and shooting myself in my heart with a pistol and maybe jumping from a bridge or a parking garage.

If I had nembutal, or other similar drugs, I would be long gone already.

I read about drugs like fentanyl being so deadly, but I am nervous that I could end up turning myself into a junkie instead.

I am not in a huge rush to do this thing, but I am busy preparing for the ctb.

I live on a boat in Texas.. I am almost sixty.. I am male..

 

[freedompass]

A lot of people say if they had N they'd be gone. Forgive me, I'm a little sceptical of that. There's nothing magical about N despite it being considered the 'gold standard' in suicide communities. You still have to overcome SI (and the hideous taste). I had N myself years ago but it was still way easier to face one more day than actively seek my demise.

Welcome to the forum or as they said back in the day 'sorry you're here'.

 

[Hollowillow]

N on a boat sounds so nice

 

[tradecode62]

After my failed attempt with the hydrogen sulfide, omg, that was a quite violent chemical reaction... I am hesitant to try chemical anything.

I do know how to buy a pistol and I think the most reliable place to shoot myself would be directly in the heart.. I figure if it ruptures even one vessel in or out of my heart, it will be a go.

I will admit that I have semi-seriously considered going back to prison, and I am quite aware that most people would insist that is maybe not a good idea.

Sometimes I can be somewhere between funny and stupid and retarded... The following video is of me pranking a medicare telemarketer.

 

[TydalWave]

What happened with your attempt with SN?

 

[theboy]

I hope you find peace

 

[tradecode62]

What happened with your attempt with SN?

I haven't tried it yet.. some say it is peaceful, some say it is painful..

I also read that when/if I order the sn that they might show up and perform a wellness check...

I am not interested to get a wellness check.

I do know how to buy a pistol, no problem there, but I don't know for sure if I can pull the trigger. It ain't easy to do.

 

[TydalWave]

I haven't tried it yet.. some say it is peaceful, some say it is painful..

I also read that when/if I order the sn that they might show up and perform a wellness check...

I am not interested to get a wellness check.

I do know how to buy a pistol, no problem there, but I don't know for sure if I can pull the trigger. It ain't easy to do.

I can't speak towards the pain, but I did order online and can attest to there not being any wellness check.

It's nice just knowing I have a way out. Feeling trapped in this world was and is a terrible feeling.

 

[tradecode62]

I can't speak towards the pain, but I did order online and can attest to there not being any wellness check.

It's nice just knowing I have a way out. Feeling trapped in this world was and is a terrible feeling.

I am looking at something that says NANO2 99% does that sound right?

I need clear instructions or I think I would just rather jump off of something.

My H2S experience was not fun.

 

[Iamchickenhat]

I can't speak towards the pain, but I did order online and can attest to there not being any wellness check.

It's nice just knowing I have a way out. Feeling trapped in this world was and is a terrible feeling.

I have to agree. Even I got my sn and meto and tagamet, a big slogan of anxiety went away. I guess just knowing I can go when I choose is the best thing.

 

[makethepainstop]

Knowing that you are in control, that you do not have to put up with anymore crap from life...and that you can stop suffering if you decide to. My god thats comforting.

 

[tradecode62]

I hope you find peace

:)

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

After my failed attempt with the hydrogen sulfide, omg, that was a quite violent chemical reaction... I am hesitant to try chemical anything.

I do know how to buy a pistol and I think the most reliable place to shoot myself would be directly in the heart.. I figure if it ruptures even one vessel in or out of my heart, it will be a go.

I will admit that I have semi-seriously considered going back to prison, and I am quite aware that most people would insist that is maybe not a good idea.

Sometimes I can be somewhere between funny and stupid and retarded... The following video is of me pranking a medicare telemarketer.

Prison sounds awful… Isn't it nice living on a boat?

 

[Hollowillow]

Yeah... Why prison? I was tempted to kill someone who beat me badly, cops said I deserved it... Then I'd end up in jail away from mold & bugs. I had a perfect home, panicked, put poison everywhere... To kill mold on my old stuff... I destroyed any hope to survive... Im in agony

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be very frustrating how we live in a world that makes suicide so unnecessarily difficult and complicated. Failing a ctb attempt sounds so awful to me, it is what I fear. It really would be ideal to have a peaceful and reliable exit easily available, it's what humans deserve the option of. None of us here should have to struggle in finding ways to leave.
I wish you freedom.

 

[tradecode62]

Sodium nitrite is BS, I'ma gonna get a pistol and put one thru my heart

Done.

 

[TydalWave]

I am looking at something that says NANO2 99% does that sound right?

I need clear instructions or I think I would just rather jump off of something.

My H2S experience was not fun.

Yeah that sounds right. Anything food grade or lab grade is right. I got mine from a food supplier online and it shipped in a couple days.

 

[Iamchickenhat]

I have to agree. Even I got my sn and meto and tagamet, a big slogan of anxiety went away. I guess just knowing I can go when I choose is the best thing.

Dammit, the Swypos. I'm sorry y'all

 

[tradecode62]

Sn sounds like nonsense. I do not wanna screw this up again.

.

 

[Idontmatter]

Sn sounds like nonsense. I do not wanna screw this up again.

.

You are much braver than me if you use a gun. Im a wimp and wouldn't pull the trigger probably. Someone else would have to shoot me.. lol. I'm using sn. I grew up in Texas btw- just out of Houston.

 

[hamtaro]

Sn sounds like nonsense. I do not wanna screw this up again.

.

Hi! There is a megathread on shooting methods, including type of firearm, ammunition, location, etc.

 

[Chelsea Leng]

I am looking at something that says NANO2 99% does that sound right?

I need clear instructions or I think I would just rather jump off of something.

My H2S experience was not fun.

did your h2s experience hurt you physically in anyway? it should be a quick knock-down gas. how many minutes did you wait before you gave up?

 

[rotciv]

did your h2s experience hurt you physically in anyway? it should be a quick knock-down gas. how many minutes did you wait before you gave up?

He's problably already gone.