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T

tradecode62

Member
Sep 30, 2022
14
I have tried a couple of times over the years to "catch the bus", and obviously I am still here..

One time, I swallowed more than two hundred sleeping pills but I woke up 24 hours later.

My second real attempt was when I went into a motel restroom and tried to make H2S(hydrogen sulfide), bit I too quickly added way too much acid to the lime sulfur and the chemical reaction was fairly violent..

I considering multiple methods including dancing with a train and sodium nitrite and shooting myself in my heart with a pistol and maybe jumping from a bridge or a parking garage.

If I had nembutal, or other similar drugs, I would be long gone already.

I read about drugs like fentanyl being so deadly, but I am nervous that I could end up turning myself into a junkie instead.

I am not in a huge rush to do this thing, but I am busy preparing for the ctb.

I live on a boat in Texas.. I am almost sixty.. I am male..
 
freedompass

freedompass

Warlock
Jan 27, 2021
767
A lot of people say if they had N they'd be gone. Forgive me, I'm a little sceptical of that. There's nothing magical about N despite it being considered the 'gold standard' in suicide communities. You still have to overcome SI (and the hideous taste). I had N myself years ago but it was still way easier to face one more day than actively seek my demise.

Welcome to the forum or as they said back in the day 'sorry you're here'.
 
T

tradecode62

Member
Sep 30, 2022
14
After my failed attempt with the hydrogen sulfide, omg, that was a quite violent chemical reaction... I am hesitant to try chemical anything.

I do know how to buy a pistol and I think the most reliable place to shoot myself would be directly in the heart.. I figure if it ruptures even one vessel in or out of my heart, it will be a go.

I will admit that I have semi-seriously considered going back to prison, and I am quite aware that most people would insist that is maybe not a good idea.

Sometimes I can be somewhere between funny and stupid and retarded... The following video is of me pranking a medicare telemarketer.

 
TydalWave

TydalWave

Brutally Self-Aware
Sep 20, 2022
436
What happened with your attempt with SN?
 
T

tradecode62

Member
Sep 30, 2022
14
What happened with your attempt with SN?
I haven't tried it yet.. some say it is peaceful, some say it is painful..

I also read that when/if I order the sn that they might show up and perform a wellness check...

I am not interested to get a wellness check.

I do know how to buy a pistol, no problem there, but I don't know for sure if I can pull the trigger. It ain't easy to do.
 
TydalWave

TydalWave

Brutally Self-Aware
Sep 20, 2022
436
I haven't tried it yet.. some say it is peaceful, some say it is painful..

I also read that when/if I order the sn that they might show up and perform a wellness check...

I am not interested to get a wellness check.

I do know how to buy a pistol, no problem there, but I don't know for sure if I can pull the trigger. It ain't easy to do.

I can't speak towards the pain, but I did order online and can attest to there not being any wellness check.

It's nice just knowing I have a way out. Feeling trapped in this world was and is a terrible feeling.
 
T

tradecode62

Member
Sep 30, 2022
14
I can't speak towards the pain, but I did order online and can attest to there not being any wellness check.

It's nice just knowing I have a way out. Feeling trapped in this world was and is a terrible feeling.
I am looking at something that says NANO2 99% does that sound right?

I need clear instructions or I think I would just rather jump off of something.

My H2S experience was not fun.
 
Iamchickenhat

Iamchickenhat

Experienced
Dec 17, 2021
282
I can't speak towards the pain, but I did order online and can attest to there not being any wellness check.

It's nice just knowing I have a way out. Feeling trapped in this world was and is a terrible feeling.
I have to agree. Even I got my sn and meto and tagamet, a big slogan of anxiety went away. I guess just knowing I can go when I choose is the best thing.
 
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Reactions: TydalWave
makethepainstop

makethepainstop

Visionary
Sep 16, 2022
2,035
Knowing that you are in control, that you do not have to put up with anymore crap from life...and that you can stop suffering if you decide to. My god thats comforting.
 
Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Visionary
Nov 12, 2021
2,159
After my failed attempt with the hydrogen sulfide, omg, that was a quite violent chemical reaction... I am hesitant to try chemical anything.

I do know how to buy a pistol and I think the most reliable place to shoot myself would be directly in the heart.. I figure if it ruptures even one vessel in or out of my heart, it will be a go.

I will admit that I have semi-seriously considered going back to prison, and I am quite aware that most people would insist that is maybe not a good idea.

Sometimes I can be somewhere between funny and stupid and retarded... The following video is of me pranking a medicare telemarketer.


Prison sounds awful… Isn't it nice living on a boat?
 
Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
1,499
Yeah... Why prison? I was tempted to kill someone who beat me badly, cops said I deserved it... Then I'd end up in jail away from mold & bugs. I had a perfect home, panicked, put poison everywhere... To kill mold on my old stuff... I destroyed any hope to survive... Im in agony
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
33,763
It can be very frustrating how we live in a world that makes suicide so unnecessarily difficult and complicated. Failing a ctb attempt sounds so awful to me, it is what I fear. It really would be ideal to have a peaceful and reliable exit easily available, it's what humans deserve the option of. None of us here should have to struggle in finding ways to leave.
I wish you freedom.
 
T

tradecode62

Member
Sep 30, 2022
14
Sodium nitrite is BS, I'ma gonna get a pistol and put one thru my heart

Done.
 
TydalWave

TydalWave

Brutally Self-Aware
Sep 20, 2022
436
I am looking at something that says NANO2 99% does that sound right?

I need clear instructions or I think I would just rather jump off of something.

My H2S experience was not fun.
Yeah that sounds right. Anything food grade or lab grade is right. I got mine from a food supplier online and it shipped in a couple days.
 
Iamchickenhat

Iamchickenhat

Experienced
Dec 17, 2021
282
I have to agree. Even I got my sn and meto and tagamet, a big slogan of anxiety went away. I guess just knowing I can go when I choose is the best thing.
Dammit, the Swypos. I'm sorry y'all
 
T

tradecode62

Member
Sep 30, 2022
14
Sn sounds like nonsense. I do not wanna screw this up again.

.
 
I

Idontmatter

Just want it all to be over
Oct 25, 2021
647
Sn sounds like nonsense. I do not wanna screw this up again.

.
You are much braver than me if you use a gun. Im a wimp and wouldn't pull the trigger probably. Someone else would have to shoot me.. lol. I'm using sn. I grew up in Texas btw- just out of Houston.
 
C

Chelsea Leng

Student
Feb 3, 2024
139
I am looking at something that says NANO2 99% does that sound right?

I need clear instructions or I think I would just rather jump off of something.

My H2S experience was not fun.
did your h2s experience hurt you physically in anyway? it should be a quick knock-down gas. how many minutes did you wait before you gave up?
 
rotciv

rotciv

Something In The Way
Mar 25, 2023
280
did your h2s experience hurt you physically in anyway? it should be a quick knock-down gas. how many minutes did you wait before you gave up?

He's problably already gone.
 
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