Venting My family knows that I am suicidal and they are shutting me out.

[-FrozenRobot-]

Hello kind strangers!
I'm just so desperate to die right now that I'm thinking about jumping off the balcony I'm standing in.

I made my first serious attempt in partial hanging in 2021 February. But I was rescued before I could execute it and I was hospitalized for a while. Since then I'm on psychiatric meds and seeing a doctor.

I've always wanted to CTB. No matter if I'm happy or sad. It only feels right to do that when I have unsuppotive parents and a bad family structure. Plus I'm bipolar. There seems to be no hope for me.


Yesterday I called my mom and I was talking about how I feel and stuff. She said when I talk about these things, it's making her feel depressed and wish she never gave birth to me. What kind of mom would say that ? If you're wondering why I called my mom, she's the only person I trust and believe in. But even she shut me out. Now I'm all on my own. I was planning on stabbing myself in the chest but then I realized it has a high rate of failure.


I wish someone would tell me that everything will be okay but deep down I know nothing is going to be okay with me and things will only get worse with time.

Sorry for taking your time. I just wanted to get this out of my chest.

I hope you are all doing fine mentally.
Thanks guys. See you later

 

[fayth2567]

I hope everything will be okay for you. I'm bipolar, too. Hope you get some sleep and tomorrow will be a better day for you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really do believe that as time goes on our experience of existing will certainly get worse and this is just the cruel reality of this existence. Having to continue existing and feeling trapped here certainly can be torture and it does sound like you have suffered a lot so I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[BBBB]

No sorry needed! Share/Vent as much as you want, that's what this site is for. None of us have any magical solutions but we understand and are here to provide support.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

No sorry needed! Share/Vent as much as you want, that's what this site is for. None of us have any magical solutions but we understand and are here to provide support.

Thanks :)

 

[epic]

Don't do anything impulsively .

 

[lionetta12]

Hello kind strangers!
I'm just so desperate to die right now that I'm thinking about jumping off the balcony I'm standing in.

I made my first serious attempt in partial hanging in 2021 February. But I was rescued before I could execute it and I was hospitalized for a while. Since then I'm on psychiatric meds and seeing a doctor.

I've always wanted to CTB. No matter if I'm happy or sad. It only feels right to do that when I have unsuppotive parents and a bad family structure. Plus I'm bipolar. There seems to be no hope for me.


Yesterday I called my mom and I was talking about how I feel and stuff. She said when I talk about these things, it's making her feel depressed and wish she never gave birth to me. What kind of mom would say that ? If you're wondering why I called my mom, she's the only person I trust and believe in. But even she shut me out. Now I'm all on my own. I was planning on stabbing myself in the chest but then I realized it has a high rate of failure.


I wish someone would tell me that everything will be okay but deep down I know nothing is going to be okay with me and things will only get worse with time.

Sorry for taking your time. I just wanted to get this out of my chest.

I hope you are all doing fine mentally.
Thanks guys. See you later

Sounds like my mom.

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your family. I hope you can find some solace and comfort here, or at least feel less alone. I wish you peace.

 

[Mlee75]

Sometimes we got to remember parents are people too. Dealing with mental illness in someone you love can be exhausting. I'm sure your mom didn't mean what she said she was probably just burnt out that day.

 

[usedtobright]

I feel you. My mom blames me all the time for being like that and she says that I'm feeling this way because I want. Also she talks to me horrible and yelling at me and I am a very sensitive person. I feel very guilty and I feel that every day her behavior overwhelms me more, all it does is make me worse and wanting to ctb as soon as possible

 

[Judah]

It`s cruel the way the family can handle things like this, so suicide is still a taboo and unfortunately is related with crazyness and worse this. So, dont take a desperate choice, and breathe, relax and please, think things with calm

 

[foreversad16]

Hello kind strangers!
I'm just so desperate to die right now that I'm thinking about jumping off the balcony I'm standing in.

I made my first serious attempt in partial hanging in 2021 February. But I was rescued before I could execute it and I was hospitalized for a while. Since then I'm on psychiatric meds and seeing a doctor.

I've always wanted to CTB. No matter if I'm happy or sad. It only feels right to do that when I have unsuppotive parents and a bad family structure. Plus I'm bipolar. There seems to be no hope for me.


Yesterday I called my mom and I was talking about how I feel and stuff. She said when I talk about these things, it's making her feel depressed and wish she never gave birth to me. What kind of mom would say that ? If you're wondering why I called my mom, she's the only person I trust and believe in. But even she shut me out. Now I'm all on my own. I was planning on stabbing myself in the chest but then I realized it has a high rate of failure.


I wish someone would tell me that everything will be okay but deep down I know nothing is going to be okay with me and things will only get worse with time.

Sorry for taking your time. I just wanted to get this out of my chest.

I hope you are all doing fine mentally.
Thanks guys. See you later

Sending a big digital hug to you. My heart goes out to you. Try and keep strong, take just one step a time (cliche I know, but it does work for me) maybe everything will be okay, what if it all works out? What if you could take all that you're going through and used it to help others? Maybe try and speak to your Mum in the way you wished she'd speak to you. Most angry and hurtful comments come from pain and helplessness. I'm not defending her at all but sometimes what we need help with ourselves we project onto others. If you don't have the words, give her a hug and say I'm sorry you feel like that, can we find a way to help each other? Easy for me to say I know when you're the one suffering but change has to come from somewhere and you deserve to be loved and supported. You are not bipolar you have bipolar disorder. Lamotrigine for mood swings combined with an antipsychotic can be helpful for bipolar 1. Hope you're okay Xx

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Sending a big digital hug to you. My heart goes out to you. Try and keep strong, take just one step a time (cliche I know, but it does work for me) maybe everything will be okay, what if it all works out? What if you could take all that you're going through and used it to help others? Maybe try and speak to your Mum in the way you wished she'd speak to you. Most angry and hurtful comments come from pain and helplessness. I'm not defending her at all but sometimes what we need help with ourselves we project onto others. If you don't have the words, give her a hug and say I'm sorry you feel like that, can we find a way to help each other? Easy for me to say I know when you're the one suffering but change has to come from somewhere and you deserve to be loved and supported. You are not bipolar you have bipolar disorder. Lamotrigine for mood swings combined with an antipsychotic can be helpful for bipolar 1. Hope you're okay Xx

 

[Tobacco]

I wanted to leave my house and live on the streets just for this reason. No one around me was aware of my struggles and they would just try to shrug it off anyways.
A part of me wanted my family to hate me so I could just try to live as a buddhist monk or maybe ctb later.

 

[disillusion]

My family same. As soon as i mention i feel down or depressed they hang up on me. I no longer ever share how i feel with anybody anymore

 

[foreversad16]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

You're welcome, good for you for reaching out. You do matter and people do care.

Thank you so much for your kind words.