My family just tried to have an “intervention”

[anywherebuthere]

They know that I'm depressed , but I've never disclosed the fact that every minute of the day I daydream about killing myself . They pretty much sat me down and tried to tell me why my life has gone to shit . Evidently it's due to my "negative mindset" & "how the universe/God/whoever is trying to teach me lessons & how I'm not getting it, that's obviously why my suffering just gets worse and worse."
This is coming from people who haven't experienced nothing close to the trauma I've experienced . How crazy does that sound ?!
But I'm the "crazy" one ?
Fuck the universe, whoever or whatever is in charge & their lessons . What kind of sadistic force would try to teach somebody by punishing them?!
They tried to end it with "we just want the best for you and we love you " .
Great , now I have an even stronger urge to off myself . The reason why I tried to hold off was because I didn't want to traumatize them . Ugh , I wish I had my SN RIGHT NOW. I would take that shit with no hesitation.

 

[lobster salad]

Seems like the common situation for many of us here like me who are the only 'depressed' ones in our family. Parents don't understand, siblings don't. We are all just left alone. If you have patient and understanding friends then great, if not there's no one to even rant to. Ugh. Family just parrots the common phrases they think help, repeat their misunderstandings of what we say or how we feel. It's too infuriating.

 

[anywherebuthere]

Seems like the common situation for many of us here like me who are the only 'depressed' ones in our family. Parents don't understand, siblings don't. We are all just left alone. If you have patient and understanding friends then great, if not there's no one to even rant to. Ugh. Family just parrots the common phrases they think help, repeat their misunderstandings of what we say or how we feel. It's too infuriating.

During my depression I've pretty much isolated myself, so all the friends I had I've ceased all communication with . Also , I don't want to raise any red flags and get myself committed involuntarily due to the negative stigma that surrounds suicide. So it's just me & my thoughts . Trying to fake my will to live has gotten so damn exhausting , I don't know how much longer I can keep up this facade .

 

[Onthe29th]

Their intentions seem good. I don't know how they intended for that to help you but they meant well. My family is the same way. I don't even get upset about it anymore, I just listen, tell them thank you and quickly forget the advice I was given because they have no idea what they're talking about unfortunately.

 

[Panna]

Evidently it's due to my "negative mindset" & "how the universe/God/whoever is trying to teach me lessons & how I'm not getting it, that's obviously why my suffering just gets worse and worse."

I'm sorry you heard that spiel, its some of the worse "help" a person can give. lets blame all the unhappiness a person goes through on a mythical being, instead of actually trying to find out why from the persons own mouth. Its some of the most shallow self serving crap that protects people from feeling any kind of responsibility or guilt.

 

[motel rooms]

Their intentions seem good. I don't know how they intended for that to help you but they meant well.

They sound unempathetic & even judgmental to me.

They pretty much sat me down and tried to tell me why my life has gone to shit . Evidently it's due to my "negative mindset" & "how the universe/God/whoever is trying to teach me lessons & how I'm not getting it, that's obviously why my suffering just gets worse and worse."
This is coming from people who haven't experienced nothing close to the trauma I've experienced .

 

[Onthe29th]

They sound unempathetic & even judgmental to me.

Of course. They have to judge in order to "decide what they think is necessary to fix it" and if they knew how op felt, they would've given a better response but that doesn't mean they're not trying.

Then again, I'm so used to people not understanding my feelings that I don't expect it anymore. No expectations means I don't get upset.

 

[whatevs]

It seems, to an extent, that this idea about suffering being acceptable because "it teaches/improves you" is a very old and effective coping mechanism that people employ.

I can see that does happen with some people, but what about all the rest, that are destroyed by suffering? I revolt against the abundance and necessity of pain in this existence, and am suspicious of the creator force behind it.

I wish your family becomes understanding. We cannot expect them to gleefully help us ctb, but ironically enough, if they acknowledge that suicide is a reasonable option for us, we might talk calmly about it and suicidal urges might lessen by feeling understood.

 

[motel rooms]

Of course. They have to judge in order to "decide what they think is necessary to fix it"

I'm talking about this:
judgmental = characterized by a tendency to judge harshly

and if they knew how op felt, they would've given a better response but that doesn't mean they're not trying.

I don't think they're trying terribly hard. Only very insensitive people would tell a family member they know is traumatized what OP's family told them. I don't know about you, but I'm under the impression that they deeply hurt & utterly infuriated them. If somebody found out about my childhood & told me that God/the universe wanted to teach me a valuable lesson by irreversibly traumatizing me & that everything would be fine if I'd just stop refusing to magically rise above my wounds & become "enlightened", I'd bash their brains in. Fuck them & their God or karma, their just-world fallacy & victim blaming.

 

[Onthe29th]

I'm talking about this:
judgmental = characterized by a tendency to judge harshly



I don't think they're trying terribly hard. Only very insensitive people would tell a family member they know is traumatized what OP's family told them. I don't know about you, but I'm under the impression that they deeply hurt & utterly infuriated them. If somebody found out about my childhood & told me that God/the universe wanted to teach me a valuable lesson by irreversibly traumatizing me & that everything would be fine if I'd just stop refusing to magically rise above my wounds & become "enlightened", I'd bash their brains in. Fuck them & their God or karma, their just-world fallacy & victim blaming.

I see… I've been using it to mean someone who's constantly judging people. I guess I've been using the word wrong, my bad.

Your statement makes so much sense that I had to do a little bit of self reflection. I almost wanted to cry while reading it and It took me some time to understand why I felt upset about your statement being true.

Of course I would be upset and I was hurt and angry when those comments were made but I couldn't do anything about it. I don't like fighting and I don't like upsetting people and when I did argue back, it went nowhere and I only ended up being even more upset with my family because people who say things like that are also usually the type that don't learn. I just learned not to do it anymore.

Brushing things off and ignoring it is how I deal with everything in my life. That's probably why I'm here now.

Im sorry if I made someone upset with my comments.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that. It seems like they are invalidating your suffering. Some people can be very delusional. I do not believe in any religion and I see life as being completely meaningless, there is no purpose behind our suffering, everything is determined by chance and luck. I believe that people who have not suffered in similar ways will never be able to comprehend what it is like. I wish you the best.

 

[Versailles]

Fuck the universe, whoever or whatever is in charge & their lessons . What kind of sadistic force would try to teach somebody by punishing them?!

Let me guess: Third world?

They did the same with me, they attributed my depression problem to some demon/devil/chupacabra/whatever, and that I had to be strong because "it was a test from the enemy", basically for some reason depression is the product of some boring God who He wants to give you lessons for no reason, I think that if God existed, he would be the being who suffered from the most mental illnesses or disorders at the same time.

 

[LastFlowers]

They know that I'm depressed , but I've never disclosed the fact that every minute of the day I daydream about killing myself . They pretty much sat me down and tried to tell me why my life has gone to shit . Evidently it's due to my "negative mindset" & "how the universe/God/whoever is trying to teach me lessons & how I'm not getting it, that's obviously why my suffering just gets worse and worse."
This is coming from people who haven't experienced nothing close to the trauma I've experienced . How crazy does that sound ?!
But I'm the "crazy" one ?
Fuck the universe, whoever or whatever is in charge & their lessons . What kind of sadistic force would try to teach somebody by punishing them?!
They tried to end it with "we just want the best for you and we love you " .
Great , now I have an even stronger urge to off myself . The reason why I tried to hold off was because I didn't want to traumatize them . Ugh , I wish I had my SN RIGHT NOW. I would take that shit with no hesitation.

God I would have flipped my shit.
I hate when people say it's our "mindset" and "negativity" when we are just reacting appropriately to a garbage situation and are simply realistic about our odds in this world.

Interesting that they say the universe is trying to "teach you a lesson" or tell you something..because I've had a similar feeling (though I know better that it's not the case), however I sensed that what the 'universe' was trying to tell me was that I should hurry up and get the fuck out of this hell, because it's just going to keep getting worse for me.
Like being in a relationship with someone who refuses to break up with you but instead makes sure that your existence is miserable and endless bad things happen to you, in other words "take a hint".
Life is hammering away at my body and asking "Jesus, when are you going to die!? How much more do I have to do to you for you to get it through your thick skull that this needs to be over!?"


"We just want the best for you and we love you"..words, empty words. Their actions and their other statements putting the blame on your shoulders and twisting your predicament into some sick game from some higher power, which you are not playing correctly…that's not love. If they really wanted the best for you they would try to eliminate and solve the actual sources of torment, not tell you-in a roundabout way-to appreciate them. That is ass-backwards.

Their intentions seem good. I don't know how they intended for that to help you but they meant well. My family is the same way. I don't even get upset about it anymore, I just listen, tell them thank you and quickly forget the advice I was given because they have no idea what they're talking about unfortunately.

I don't even know if this is really the case, "interventions" in general are usually something that those who like drama gravitate towards, those who want to bark from the high ground, feel superior and like that of a "hero" helping their family member. It's also a good feeder for those who seek control over others (or control in general).
It's almost never about giving the help that the suffering person is actually asking for, they define "help" for the suffering and then blame them when they don't accept it.

Apparently one of my extended family members tried to round everyone up at one point (over a decade ago) to intervene with me and started with my mother, I only heard of it later, because I believe she found a way to shut it down, she also probably knew it would make me 100000000x worse.
I would have probably physically attacked someone if they attempted that shit with me when they have no clue what it's like to live my existence and have never put in an ounce of effort to put themselves in my shoes, which I always try to kill myself doing for others.
The one who tried to orchestrate it is a family member who tries to orchestrate EVERYTHING, so no surprise it wasn't any different with this. Classic FB attention seeker too, violates other people's privacy to get pats on the back for doing a "good deed" (that apparently everybody needs to know about). I forget if she had her own child at that time but now she does and she lives her narcissism through that child, she forgot about me like a turd in the wind (unless I am to be a sycophant to her child), she wants her child to be the center of attention on both sides of the family.
That should give you an idea of what type of person tries to incite an intervention.
There wasn't even an attempt from ANY of them for one-on-one support or even asking me what I was struggling with, it was going to be a horrific surprise straight from hell.

You must have far more patience than me, because this type of thing makes me livid.

 

[Onthe29th]

Let me guess: Third world?

They did the same with me, they attributed my depression problem to some demon/devil/chupacabra/whatever, and that I had to be strong because "it was a test from the enemy", basically for some reason depression is the product of some boring God who He wants to give you lessons for no reason, I think that if God existed, he would be the being who suffered from the most mental illnesses or disorders at the same time.

My step father told me I was possessed by a demon too and yes, my family is foreign and from a third world country but I'm American.

God I would have flipped my shit.
I hate when people say it's our "mindset" and "negativity" when we are just reacting appropriately to a garbage situation and are simply realistic about our odds in this world.

Interesting that they say the universe is trying to "teach you a lesson" or tell you something..because I've had a similar feeling (though I know better that it's not the case), however I sensed that what the 'universe' was trying to tell me was that I should hurry up and get the fuck out of this hell, because it's just going to keep getting worse for me.
Like being in a relationship with someone who refuses to break up with you but instead makes sure that your existence is miserable and endless bad things happen to you, in other words "take a hint".
Life is hammering away at my body and asking "Jesus, when are you going to die!? How much more do I have to do to you for you to get it through your thick skull that this needs to be over!?"


"We just want the best for you and we love you"..words, empty words. Their actions and their other statements putting the blame on your shoulders and twisting your predicament into some sick game from some higher power, which you are not playing correctly…that's not love. If they really wanted the best for you they would try to eliminate and solve the actual sources of torment, not tell you-in a roundabout way-to appreciate them. That is ass-backwards.

I don't even know if this is really the case, "interventions" in general are usually something that those who like drama gravitate towards, those who want to bark from the high ground, feel superior and like that of a "hero" helping their family member. It's also a good feeder for those who seek control over others (or control in general).
It's almost never about giving the help that the suffering person is actually asking for, they define "help" for the suffering and then blame them when they don't accept it.

Apparently one of my extended family members tried to round everyone up at one point (over a decade ago) to intervene with me and started with my mother, I only heard of it later, because I believe she found a way to shut it down, she also probably knew it would make me 100000000x worse.
I would have probably physically attacked someone if they attempted that shit with me when they have no clue what it's like to live my existence and have never put in an ounce of effort to put themselves in my shoes, which I always try to kill myself doing for others.
The one who tried to orchestrate it is a family member who tries to orchestrate EVERYTHING, so no surprise it wasn't any different with this. Classic FB attention seeker too, violates other people's privacy to get pats on the back for doing a "good deed" (that apparently everybody needs to know about). I forget if she had her own child at that time but now she does and she lives her narcissism through that child, she forgot about me like a turd in the wind (unless I am to be a sycophant to her child), she wants her child to be the center of attention on both sides of the family.
That should give you an idea of what type of person tries to incite an intervention.
There wasn't even an attempt from ANY of them for one-on-one support or even asking me what I was struggling with, it was going to be a horrific surprise straight from hell.

You must have far more patience than me, because this type of thing makes me livid.

I have an extraordinary amount of patience but I don't see it as a good thing anymore because I don't know when I should stop waiting.

I realized that I was wrong and I've just been suppressing anger that I've felt from similar comments being made about me.