Story My failed attempt

[chocolatebar]

I don't know how much I've talked about myself, but I'm an adult (and have been an adult for a long time) who still lives with his mom, despite having financial conditions to move out. How is that possible? I will tell you what happened last week, when i tried to move out of my home.

I have a job and a gf, so we planned to move out to another city, close to my work location (it's remote right now). I tried talking to my family, but they called me crazy, told me I'm being "manipulated" by my gf, which, in their view, is a bad person, and told me I couldn't move out because I'm not in good conditions to do so. I packed my things anyway, amid despair, fear and nervousness, but, when all their psychological warfare failed, they locked me at home to prevent me from going out. Meanwhile, my gf was sending me messages calling me a coward and other things... In the end, I had to tell some lies in order to get out and I took the transportation to the city, where I've met my gf and we rented a place to stay. It was so good, despite the threatening messages from my family, until I had to do some things for work and realized I left some important stuff back at home. So, I had to go there to pick them...

I went back home, accompanied by my gf and, when we arrived, my mom treated her like shit, calling her the worst names possible and saying shes not welcome here, denying her to stay for the night, so, I had to pay some hotel in the city for her while I finished my stuff and we could move back. However, my family went too far and even called the police, telling them that my gf is exploiting me and inducing me into suicide. I got terrified and, in order to protect her from this craziness, I asked her to move back to her home while I try to sort tings out, which she did reluctantly.

With all of my sincerity, I don't even know if I will be able to sort anything out.

 

[AtMostOkay]

I'm so very sorry these hurtful complications exist. Big hugs xo

 

[timf]

Being bullied is not fun. In family dynamics one can grow deficient in any skills to push back.You might want to experiement with developing skills to push back against those who would bully you.

You can ask people to explain why your happiness is repulsive to them. You can ask them to explain why spewing venom and hatred is acceptable. By asking them to explain themselves, you are taking the first steps in pushing back.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds very stressful what you have been through. I'm sorry you have to deal with people like that. I wish you the best.

 

[chocolatebar]

Being bullied is not fun. In family dynamics one can grow deficient in any skills to push back.You might want to experiement with developing skills to push back against those who would bully you.

You can ask people to explain why your happiness is repulsive to them. You can ask them to explain why spewing venom and hatred is acceptable. By asking them to explain themselves, you are taking the first steps in pushing back.

Can you explain it in more detail? You're suggesting I ask my family why they treat me like that?

 

[tabletop]

So did you picka place to live? Sign a lease? Have a move in date? Is it happening? I mean....your parents can't actually stop you from moving can they??

 

[chocolatebar]

So did you picka place to live? Sign a lease? Have a move in date? Is it happening? I mean....your parents can't actually stop you from moving can they??

Theoretically, they can't, but since they involved the police, I'm under some sort of surveillance until I sort this out. I lost much of my energy too and don't know what to do now.

 

[Midgardsorm]

It's strange how your family react to someone that you obviously hold dear into your heart.
There must be a lot to the story, but in the end I can't see how they think they can control your life, as is they actually know what's good to you in your adult life.

Your mom's disapproval to your girlfriend that you like, only means she doesn't care about your happiness and even worse, the way she treated your girlfriend is completely unacceptable.

The fear of losing children might be taking over your mom, but that might make you move away from her forever.

I'm really sorry for all this situation.

Know that we can talk whenever you need.

 

[motel rooms]

Theoretically, they can't, but since they involved the police, I'm under some sort of surveillance until I sort this out.

Surveillance? Are you sure that the cops took what your family members told them seriously? Your mother can't make the police stop you from moving in with your gf...

 

[chocolatebar]

Surveillance? Are you sure that the cops took what your family members told them seriously? Your mother can't make the police stop you from moving in with your gf...

THey told the police that I'm someone vulnerable, with an historic of depression and suicide attempts and that my gf is inducing me into suicide. They questioned me and asked for information on her. I denied everything and told the story as I perceive it, but they still want to know who she is, so I'm hiding her from this, because the police around here is specialized in making thing bad for innocent people.

I don't know how to deal with this and now I'm too scared and wasted...

 

[motel rooms]

THey told the police that I'm someone vulnerable, with an historic of depression and suicide attempts and that my gf is inducing me into suicide. They questioned me and asked for information on her. I denied everything and told the story as I perceive it, but they still want to know who she is, so I'm hiding her from this, because the police around here is specialized in making thing bad for innocent people.

I don't know how to deal with this and now I'm too scared and wasted...

But did the police explicitly tell you that you're not allowed to move? I'm sure they didn't, they can't do that. You're an adult with a job & you haven't committed any crimes. Don't be scared...

 

[Deleted member 32964]

I don't know how much I've talked about myself, but I'm an adult (and have been an adult for a long time) who still lives with his mom, despite having financial conditions to move out. How is that possible? I will tell you what happened last week, when i tried to move out of my home.

I have a job and a gf, so we planned to move out to another city, close to my work location (it's remote right now). I tried talking to my family, but they called me crazy, told me I'm being "manipulated" by my gf, which, in their view, is a bad person, and told me I couldn't move out because I'm not in good conditions to do so. I packed my things anyway, amid despair, fear and nervousness, but, when all their psychological warfare failed, they locked me at home to prevent me from going out. Meanwhile, my gf was sending me messages calling me a coward and other things... In the end, I had to tell some lies in order to get out and I took the transportation to the city, where I've met my gf and we rented a place to stay. It was so good, despite the threatening messages from my family, until I had to do some things for work and realized I left some important stuff back at home. So, I had to go there to pick them...

I went back home, accompanied by my gf and, when we arrived, my mom treated her like shit, calling her the worst names possible and saying shes not welcome here, denying her to stay for the night, so, I had to pay some hotel in the city for her while I finished my stuff and we could move back. However, my family went too far and even called the police, telling them that my gf is exploiting me and inducing me into suicide. I got terrified and, in order to protect her from this craziness, I asked her to move back to her home while I try to sort tings out, which she did reluctantly.

With all of my sincerity, I don't even know if I will be able to sort anything out.

You are an adult, don't let your family run your life. Only you know what's best for you. I've seen this in problematic, suicidal adults. One had a degree from Berkeley and lived in a shelter with me. She was behaving like a child - a needy one who wasn't able to be a woman. Her family would string her along with $5 "gifts" treating her like shit - leaving her in the street to lose her mind. I guess some people have controlling families - maybe your family isn't ready to part with your loss and wants to cut you off from your girlfriend and sanction their things so you remain theirs (their boy). Dunno. You're a grown adult who can handle renting an apartment, working a professional job remotely. Be one. :)

I wonder if my brother will ever move out. He's in his 30's now, has never left home, will probably never leave home and will stay thru medical school. I, on the other hand am the family trash that has never really had much of a home and that's just life.

People love their sons - I've noticed this much.

Being bullied is not fun. In family dynamics one can grow deficient in any skills to push back.You might want to experiement with developing skills to push back against those who would bully you.

You can ask people to explain why your happiness is repulsive to them. You can ask them to explain why spewing venom and hatred is acceptable. By asking them to explain themselves, you are taking the first steps in pushing back.

Bullying is terrible. I started to bully myself and find myself feeling small knives race across my brain while I talk "shit" to myself. It physically hurts. I put myself down, I call myself fat, ugly, lazy bitch, complain about how dirty and cheap I am, how much I drink and I outright argue with myself in my dirty little apartment. It's horrible and humiliating. I am noticing these behaviors and see them as self-harm. I have plenty to loathe about myself but I don't need to be so verbal and obnoxious about it. I was very proactive for a long time and internalized my feelings about others / cultures / living in shock around people who were different from me. That got me into trouble, also. I've bullied in return when seeking help in a desperate situation and have used unkind words to others who refused to respond. I've bullied others in churches who are bullying me. I got a woman a free power-scooter and then bullied her and told her "I hope she died, I'd never do that again" because she had always bullied me. I've been bullied on the job (bobby pins put in food, literally - women screaming "abortionists will burn in hell" at my printer, and went home and vented to my social media account about religious bullying in the workplace at women. I've worked in restaurants with many Catholics (mothers who brought their daughters to work) who have literally run by me telling me my lips are too big and that I've killed a baby. OMFG. I've realized that removing myself from these situations is sometimes more effective than trying again - finding something more like me as I don't have much to work with. Sometimes there is safety in numbers. Where people are like you, you're not as likely to be bullied, harassed, put out of place and can find a safer place to just be "yourself". We can't all learn to get along. Especially in disaster zones. Sometimes it's better to shut your mouth, leave a situation and go where people seem more like you.

 

[motel rooms]

In family dynamics one can grow deficient in any skills to push back. You might want to experiement with developing skills to push back against those who would bully you.

You can ask people to explain why your happiness is repulsive to them. You can ask them to explain why spewing venom and hatred is acceptable. By asking them to explain themselves, you are taking the first steps in pushing back.

Yeah, abusive, manipulative parents & other family members take it really seriously when their victims of many years ask them to explain themselves...
Run for your life & don't turn back, @stalewater. If possible, cut your toxic family members out of your life completely. You're familiar with my story & you can be sure that I know what I'm talking about.

 

[Deleted member 32964]

Yeah, abusive, manipulative parents & other family members take it really seriously when their victims of many years ask them to explain themselves...
Run for your life & don't turn back, @stalewater. If possible, cut your toxic family members out of your life completely. You're familiar with my story & you can be sure that I know what I'm talking about.

running from your entire family is very scary. Especially for a woman. It becomes a vicious cycle of psychosis, honor violence, oppression from those in your community, being snubbed by religious people, shame, can turn deadly and easily into honor violence / domestic violence. It is not as easy as it looks. I hear my father around me wherever I am (haven't seen him in 16.5 years) and feel his shame in my subconscious mind. I've self-harmed listening to his guilt. I've sat in my pitch black room with nobody there still with my grandmother pushing Catholic guilt on me. I've puked up sleeping pills in my house with something there that nobody can see - being shamed in a psychic place (like a schizoprenic). I've tried to think that "if we make up and fake it, this psychosis will stop, the cutting on my head will stop - I can see these folks at X-Mas time and live "dignified" . Then I am ripped back again into another b/w tv state where I'm in that world suffering horrible childhood beatings. There is no way around it. Leaving your family leaves you scared, you need to lie to others, there's nothing to say in uncomfortable environments where people ask about your family. There is nothing comfortable about it. Be warned. I am still suffering panic / anxiety and depression since walking out. I feel like an orca being beached by my pod (unable to find a way back) with ESP and psychic whispers that never leave. It's caused me suicidal ideation feeling on invisible chains to those I've offended - constantly re-hashing (he said/she said) like a divine curse of Jerry Springer episodes with frequent violent effects leading to self-harm. You are warned. There is more to life than what meets the eye. Not suggesting that the same will happen to you. Not all people can handle rejection or accusations. They go crazy when you do so.

 

[motel rooms]

Leaving your family leaves you scared, you need to lie to others, there's nothing to say in uncomfortable environments where people ask about your family. There is nothing comfortable about it. Be warned.

OP has a job & a girlfriend.

This is all I have to say:

You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way

-- Tracy Chapman

 

[Deleted member 32964]

well, if he were a woman from a conservative family (religious) and fascist community he would FEEL IT. Being a man - sometimes not so bad. It is a lifetime of feeling dead, dirty, unlovable, abnormal, weird, psych, mental, helpless, incapable of feeling open to communication, shut-down, isolated, segregated, sent to that fountain over there for FILTHY girls who don't honor and obey and extremely difficult. I never know what to say anymore when someone opens up to me about child abuse (incest, rape, violence) and they still keep in touch. I don't interject only because my experiences (leaving, running, getting emancipated ... almost) nearly cost me my life. People really thug people in certain societies who won't speak to their families. In some countries, in some cultures, people are murdered as a result. It's a very sensitive subject to me as I've lost friends to this and am from a very conservative, cheap, shallow, intolerant, hard-headed family with honor values. I've learned to separate myself from society almost entirely due to shaming for "walking away". People are extremely cruel to people who detach from abusive situations. Not that his family would honor kill him - some do, honor violence, shame, revenge killing. It sounds like his family is liberal enough to let him have a live-in girlfriend. Not all societies function this way and put women back into a role of subservience or hunt them and murder them when obtaining freedom. Life is not as cut and dry for some cultures as it is for others. It sounds like they love their son and protect him from women. Hehe. Stand by ur man. hehe.

Culture of Honor (CULTURAL PSYCHOLOGY) iResearchNet

Culture of Honor Definition A culture of honor is a culture in which a person (usually a man) feels obliged to protect his or her reputation by answering insults, affronts,…

psychology.iresearchnet.com

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing

I am very picky about who I will interact with due to the scars left on my life from leaving. Much worse than the actual violence. I won't even get involved, it has been so scary for me and others who I lost who loved from similar situations. I can see why some women choose to "talk to their molester father" "make up" "forgive" "let go" ... I didn't and it made me sick.

 

[motel rooms]

well, if he were a woman from a conservative family (religious) and fascist community he would FEEL IT. Being a man - sometimes not so bad. It is a lifetime of feeling dead, dirty, unlovable, abnormal, weird, psych, mental, helpless, incapable of feeling open to communication, shut-down, isolated, segregated, sent to that fountain over there for FILTHY girls who don't honor and obey and extremely difficult.

I was a victim of incest for ten years as a child & I know that I saved my life by cutting my parents out of it. I suffer from C-PTSD & I get where you're coming from, but I believe that OP can still make a successful escape...

 

[Deleted member 32964]

I was a victim of incest for ten years as a child & I know that I saved my life by cutting my parents out of it. I suffer from C-PTSD & I get where you're coming from, but I believe that OP can still make a successful escape...

OK. Mine was high risk. I am sorry about your incest and would never ask you to return. I'm sorry it's left you scarred for life. I think that honor killing is real and manifests when one becomes mentally ill due to abuse. Literally, those are my hard coded values. I believe in "hearing the abuse of the past" and this online "inside your body" intranet where you remain in touch with those you've offended. It makes you cave in and you cannot get out of the net. That is my stance. I too, have been diagnosed with PTSD and won't medicate. I won't stop flipping switches, however. Loss of all of my family and friends has left me disoriented, lonely, isolated, poor, and a nutcase. I'm a WITCH. I'm A WITCH. I'm a witch. It sucks. I am glad you were able to escape. As you suffer from PTSD and suicidal ideations (I'm assuming, unless you're looking for suicidal chicks 4 company and weird) I believe that there's an attack on your life. I was never "mentally ill" until I called people abusive. I had many problems. The minute that I did, the strange "psychosis" in my head started and so did chronic self-harm. Not that chemical imbalances and mental illness is an HOAX in all situations. I see people benefitted by "treatment". Mine is a war. I am always IMAGINING everything yet. I will not leave this inner room until we have "answers". I am a prisoner for honor and "LIES I've told about abuse" stuck in my own body incapable of driving or using a bicycle anymore due to how much I HALLUCINATE from PTSD. Sorry. I hope that you find recovery.
A typical reaction "the woman is off of her meds and needs anti-psychotics". Really, those are my values. I watch these women walk around talking to someone who isn't there driving them into more self-harm, keeping them in abusive relationships. Call it the devil, call it "buddhism" call it what you want. Those entities live in people and keep them CONTROLLED and attached to their abuser, going completely mad, no idea who they are. I've seen them - with strangulation marks, black eyes, in 50's looking skirts with rosaries around their necks content to lie and call the marks "hair dye". I've seen them dye their own hair blue to cover up obviousl signs of abuse. People reject and shame women who complain. In my community, men are protected who are violent and reactive. My own janitor was alllowed to retain employment after killing my pet. i was evicted from the building. he stalked me and made me fear for my life- pulling up outside of my work screaming to me and calling at me. Knocking me down (nearly) while walking home from work. I may not live in a community like yours. i've yet to find one where women are safe outside of shelter. Each time I am "finally free'" and employed it looks like a new horizon, the negative thoughts come back, the ghosts come back in under the door and stalk me into self-harm, ridicule and witch burning land. It's real to me. Know I sound crazy. I wouldn't be here if I weren't.
Thanks for listening and glad you are recovering, finally - hopefully.

 

[chocolatebar]

Thank you for your support, @hotelbeneathground and @robinfoster2017@gmai. I will take the last of my energy and try again. I can't accept it anymore. Growing up in this environment has made me feel like those things are normal or acceptable, but people from the outside can clearly see the absurd I'm in.

I will keep you updated.

 

[motel rooms]

Thank you for your support, @hotelbeneathground and @robinfoster2017@gmai. I will take the last of my energy and try again. I can't accept it anymore. Growing up in this environment has made me feel like those things are normal or acceptable, but people from the outside can clearly see the absurd I'm in.

I will keep you updated.

Be strong & don't let your mother or anyone else emotionally blackmail you.

 

[tabletop]

Good job on not telling the police your girlfriends name.

As stated, it seems your parents have no legal grounds for keeping you there at their home.

The only suggestion I have that hasn't been said already is I think it would be a great idea to have a consultation with a local lawyer. Someone who knows the local law and local police.` You said your parents locked you in against your will. Is that really legal in your country??????????? That being said, I feel the police should be working for you, not against you. A local lawyer could tell you how best to handle your situation and especially a lawyer can tell you what to and not to say to the police. Talking with a lawyer could really ease your mind/emotions and help you to feel more confident.

I don't like that your girlfriend was calling you names like a coward and such. You were facing a difficult time and I'd hope she would've been more supportive of you. Maybe you'd be better living alone for some time before living with another person. Idk, just a thought.

I waited til a later age to move out of my parents as well. Sure, moving fucking sucks ass. Paying rent especially sucks ass. BUT IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!!